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What does he REALLY mean when he says "Stop contacting me'?


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My ex lover has been telling me for the post few weeks to NEVER contact him again. I am having a problem with NC. I keep trying to call and text over and over. Sometime I get a one word reponse like "Stop". I admit it's gotten out of control and I appear psycho. He has said, Stop, Leave me alone, Don't ever contact me again, You're insane, - you get the idea.

 

Today he told me if I change my behaviour, maybe he will change his thought of me. He said MAYBE MAYBE he will contact me if he wants to talk, but my actions have not helped my cause.

 

I know he's moving on and I am ok with that. It has little to do with him finding someone else, I expect that and can accept it as that is normal.

 

What hurts the most is that he can forget the good times and has no desire to remain friends or to give it some time to heal and then catch up as friends.

 

Given what he said, do you think if I back off there is a chance I will hear from him eventually?

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he left me becauase he said I was getting to emotional, however I think that was just an excuse to cover what he was feeling, which was too emotional. I flipped out by all standards, and that is what he wants me to change - except it's over and stop acting obsessive!

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What does he REALLY mean when he says "Stop contacting me'?

I think it best to assume he means he wants you to stop contacting him. So you should do exactly that.

 

If he wants something else - he will let you know.

 

In the meantime, assume the relationship is over and start the getting over him process.

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Don't call him, write, e-mail him, text. If he said leave him alone then do it...worry only for your happiness, health, finances....leave him alone...the more your push better believe it...the more he is going to be angry and ignore you.

 

There are more important issues in the world to think of at this moment than him...people are losing their jobs by the thousands...so concentrate on keeping yours (if you have one) and bettering yourself.

 

Best of luck and good wishes to you.

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I would be pretty mad if I told my ex to stop trying to contact me over and over yet they still did over and over. I did that to one of my exes during high school - major mistake. Whatever we still had that could've been fixed, I screwed it up because I DID let my emotions get the best of me and I kept trying to talk to him even when he told me to not to. He wants space... give him space. It hurts like hell, but you have to do it.

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Please stop contacting him! For starters it isn't healthy for YOU. Secondly, he is starting to view you in a very negative and poor light by him having to continue with STOP and him saying you are acting psycho. You will lose your dignity if you don't stop. Take him at his word and don't hope for hidden meanings that he still wants the contact. No means no.

 

It is unhealthy on a number of levels to continue to contact him.

 

I am very shocked that considering the heatedness of his responses and his saying STOP! and saying you are acting psycho that you would tihnk that he secretly wants the contact.

 

Whether or not if you stop and he contacts you again in the future should be moot. You should not hear from him at all to aide in your healing. Those little emails here and there will keep you in an emotional state of upheaval.

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He means he wants you to stop contacting him.

 

I just read your other threads about this guy and you refuse to take anything he says to you at face value. He told you he doesn't have the same feelings for you that you have for him and you refuse to believe that. He hasn't told you he loves you, but you believe that he does. He's told you to lose his contact info. and you keep contacting him.

You've also said some very cruel things to him, so I think that he's justified in not wanting to any further contact with you.

 

I'm sorry that you're hurting, but do him, and more importantly, yourself a favour and let him go.

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If you want any kind of relationship in the future with him then you have to leave him alone. If you don't then you are going to push him further and further away until even friendship will be impossible. I'm sure if you do this he will start to remember the good times you had, they don't just disappear. We all find this very difficult though, just come and write on here whenever you feel like contacting him.

 

Good luck.

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Greensleeves - While hard to hear, I agree with what you've said. Do you suppose that changing my actions will change his opinion of me? Those were his words not mine! Only time will tell I suppose. For now I have stopped and am hoping I can heal to a point that if he were to contact me, I'd no longer be interested in talking, but for now that seems impossible.

 

Last we talked, he was civil and he said that in a few months, if I wanted to call him, who knows??? Maybe we can talk. The beginning of the conversation was angry and it lasted about 20 minutes. By the end, we were speaking nicely to one another and he asked me how I am enjoying St. Thomas as I have been staying there since we broke up 6 weeks ago and we also taked briefly about me starting my own business. In closing he said, enjoy your time off and good luck with with your new career. He also said that he does not hate me yet still wishes for now not too talk as some emotional lines were crossed and I need to heal. so for now......I am taking that as a huge improvement from "stop calling you insane * * * * * ". Even if we never talk again, I take comfort in the fact we had some kind of peaceful closure. Your thoughts?

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As I said in my post, the most important reason to stop this behaviour is for you and your own well being. Believe me, I know how out of control you can feel when someone hurts you and you don't understand all of the whys. It's very easy to fall into trying to analyze everything and think "oh, if I'd only done this or hadn't done that, this never would have happened", or "he doesn't know what he really thinks or feels..his mind is messed up because of whatever". You had said in one of your previous threads that you didn't have the why's of the breakup, but that he had previouly told you he has commitment issues....that is your why right there. It has nothing to do with you, the person you are or anything that you've done wrong. It has everything to do with him. You were with him for several months and now he's ready to move on to someone else, my bet is that you're one in a long line of women he's done this to.

 

Of course you feel crazy and have a feeling of desperation...you have no idea what happened or why all of a sudden it's over. He's probably not a terrible person and maybe with each new relationship he thinks he might be over his commitment issues, but then WHAM, there it is again and another woman is left there dumbfounded and confused.

 

I honestly have no idea if his opinion of you will change, but you can be sure that if you keep contacting him against his wishes his opinion will continue to go downhill. Try not to place your focus on whether or not it will change his opinion of you or whether or not he'll rethink the relationship..it really isn't that important. Right now you aren't together and after some time away from him, you'll start to see that you're worth much more than this. You're far better to think about what's happening in your life now and building a happy future for yourself. If you really want his opinion of you to change, create a great life for yourself without him, but do it for you...you deserve it.

 

I'm glad that at the end of your conversation things seemed better and that you can take comfort in that and I'm really sorry that he hurt you like this.

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Jeez, when someone says stop contacting me they mean stop contacting me. Its not complicated. Id suggest you never contact him again. However if you are hellbent on being a stalker at least be a sane one and send him this:

 

Send him an email saying you would still like to be friends/ get back together whatever, but you realize he doesnt want to be with you. If he ever changes his mind, to please let you know, thank you and until that time you will leave him alone.

 

Thats it, end of story.

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  • 11 years later...
46 minutes ago, Subina said:

Hi, I saw this post and now I am very curious if he ever contacted you after 11 years.. 

I am going thru the same situation as you 😭

It's extremely unlikely you will receive a response since this thread is 11 years old.

Would you like to start your own thread? 

Edited by boltnrun
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1 hour ago, Subina said:

Hi, I saw this post and now I am very curious if he ever contacted you after 11 years.. 

I am going thru the same situation as you 😭

If a person said to me to "never contact them again" I'd move on with my life rather than asking if random strangers ever had that said to them and did the person who said it ever change their mind as if that would even matter to the person asking the question.

Every situation is different.

What is more troubling is that you don't take a clear "no" for an answer.

 

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