yoxa Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I broke up with my GF of 1yr and 2months on January 13th (yesterday) at my friends house. We were there to celebrate the orthodox New years eve. Well anyway we got a wee bit drunk and a friends friend came over and asked us will we go to a nearby club. My gf then started crying and behaving like a child and telling him that he is to blame for everything and blah blah blah. The three of us got frustrated with her behaviour but the friend that we came to told her to settle down and tried explaining everything to her but she wouldn't listen to anyone. She was just angrily bumping her leg into the floor like a spoiled brat. I am 2 years younger than her btw. No need to tell you guys that it was embarrassing for me. Then she did something that I find really weird. She started asking if she can stay there alone. I mean what the hell?! You come to the man's house for the first time and you ask something like that? It's a bad behaviour if you ask me. Her argument was based on the fact that we didn't plan for that and we didn't get dressed for clubbing and she got her period 3 days before and it didn't pass, but we were outside the town in rural suburban so the dressing was not an issue nor was the period because she brought 4 tampons for that and it wasn't the first time that she went out with her period and in the end the guy lives 2 minutes away and we wouldn't be there for more than and hour and a half; I mean she is 23yrs old after all. So anyway I stayed with her there which the friends father didn't like and I could understand him because I didn't like it either. But I said to myself: "What the hell?", might as well be alone a bit. So we started kissing and stuff and she asked me to find some streaming porn on the net and I did but then she started freaking out. She told me that I know by heart how and where to find the porn on net and blah blah and she slapped me (wasn't the first time and at the last problem we had I warned her not to do that again or I wont forgive her next time) so I slapped her back (for the first time ever) and then she slapped me even harder and started calling me a c**t and many other names in order to provoke me, which I didn't buy, but instead I tried calming her down by hugging her and telling her that I love her and to keep quiet because the friends dad was asleep but instead she kicked me and slapped me again so I slapped her back and so on... Then I got to my mobile phone and called a friend to come and she told me that we are done on which I reacted by deleting her pictures from my phone and she grabbed my phone and smashed it against the floor so it broke. Then a friend came in and started yelling at me and at her and a friends father woke up and came in and called her downstairs in order to calm her down. She then took a cab home and I haven't heard her since even though I texted her telling her that I am sorry and basically taking the blame even after all the people told me I shouldn't and that she was behaving like a 3yr old girl. I am terribly sorry for slapping her back because she is a woman but I just couldn't stand still and letting her slapping me for the hundredth time. Now I'm thinking of her and I just cannot forget her cute face and the childish smile and the way her eyes were looking at me and the time we were on the holiday at seaside and I would forgive everything just to be with her; even though my parents are pissed for her breaking my cell and making me a scene in front of all those people and for hitting me (I told them about all the slaps I got from her). I don't know how will I get over her but I guess I must because she wont call me and all the people I know are now against us and are telling me that I can find a much better girl; but I don't want another girl, I want my girl, I want to go to another holiday at seaside with her and I want to live out my life with her, I love her very much even though she pisses me off every 2nd time we see and we fight about crap, like she thinking that I don't love her and she doesn't mean to me if I don't send at least one text every 3hours etc., a lot. I think she is chronically jealous She was in a few relationships before this one and all of them were filled with her suffering the BF's cheating and one was even violent (1st one she ever had). I never did and never would cheat on her! Never! I love her much! Please answer. I need to talk to someone that is objective. I can't stand those subjective angles from my friends and family anymore. Oh and this is us on that holiday link removed Link to comment
LBP Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I'd say that it's a good thing this happened. If she's this good at provoking you, imagine if you'd got married and things got the point of TRUE violence. Not only would she be hurt, not only would you look like an ass, but you'd be finacially ruined in addition to possibly being attached permanently to a vicious relationship because of either children or alimony. Why not just find a girl who doesn't throw tantrums? And you have to work on controlling yourself. If you'd taken control of the situation EARLY, you could have saved everyone a lot of embarrassment and yourself a lot of potential trouble. Link to comment
HulloThere Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 sounds like you just had a bad fight. im not sure what she is thinking though so not totally sure. i would give her time to cool off and then contact her and see whats up. Link to comment
DN Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 If she slapped and hit you and has done so before then you should walk away. Don't take her back. Link to comment
HulloThere Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 If she slapped and hit you and has done so before then you should walk away. Don't take her back. best advice but 100% sure he won't follow it. if i was engrossed with a girl, i wouldn't follow it either. you need to communicate with her though that hitting is not acceptable, she seemed to not get that message from when you talked before. Link to comment
yoxa Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 well yeah we had a bad fight and I am aware of the seriousness of situation. I really didn't want to hurt her and yes, she is really good at screwing with my brain and she loves doing it I think. I guess I will need to forget about her which wont be easy because she is my first true love. I used to call her "Bubica" which is really cute in our language. It means a small ladybug. She will always be my Bubica and I promised her that I wont watch the movie "Notebook" with anyone when we once fought and almost broke up and I really wont because she wrote me a letter once in which she told me that we will be together until the last beat of her heart. I really cannot believe we are gone. OMG Link to comment
SighSob Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I am terribly sorry for slapping her back because she is a woman but I just couldn't stand still and letting her slapping me for the hundredth time. My now ex-GF used to slap me too...it was so hard not to slap her back...!! Link to comment
yoxa Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 I am really not a monster. I really am not. I just lost my nerves. OMG maybe I really will feel better without her? No one to make me nervous and making me lose my patience.... But I just can't get over my emotions. I guess I need some time to pass. But the pain is really great. I really really love her. I cherished every moment we spent together, good or bad. I had the best time in the world and time passed in a second. Link to comment
Ac143 Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 sounds like you need to let this girl go. Baby steps, you guys just broke up. It takes time, but this relationship didn't seem very healthy. Good luck to you Link to comment
Seymore Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 best advice but 100% sure he won't follow it. if i was engrossed with a girl, i wouldn't follow it either. you need to communicate with her though that hitting is not acceptable, she seemed to not get that message from when you talked before. Just because it's you doesn't mean it can't happen. DN is a very insightful person - and his insights helped me to leave my abusive relationship, and I was engrossed with her as well. People do listen on here, it just may not always want to be what they want to hear. I pushed my then-gf, and that wasn't like me, which told me even more clearly that something was wrong. If her attitude is changing you, you need to leave. To the OP - don't even look back. She sounds like a child - and slapping you? Over something so trivial? You made a good move. Link to comment
yoxa Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 I know that this needs to end. I am aware that this relationship occasionally isn't healthy. It is converting me into something I am not. It will be hard but with the help of my family and friends and you guys I will manage it somehow. I just need to be tough! Hope I can do it. Link to comment
yoxa Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 sounds like you need to let this girl go. Baby steps, you guys just broke up. It takes time, but this relationship didn't seem very healthy. Good luck to you Thank you. I will really try to get over it. Link to comment
DN Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I just figured maybe native tongue would be a bit more consoling too. Basically just said that she's projecting her insecurities onto him, porn was a bit over the top with her and just another excuse to do a tirade. Too physically abusive on top of emotional. I wouldn't be with this gal personally no matter how much it hurts to break up with her. Moderator Note: I think that is good advice and understand why you wrote in his first language. The reason we don't allow foreign languages is that, unless we happen to have a moderator who speaks that language, we can't moderate it. You could be flaming up one side and down the other for all we know. Link to comment
yoxa Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 To the OP - don't even look back. She sounds like a child - and slapping you? Over something so trivial? You made a good move. well to be honest she was pretty drunk so I can reason with it to a certain limit but you wont see me doing something like that even if I was wasted. Link to comment
DN Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Being drunk is no excuse - and you say she has done this in the past. If anyone gets drunk and drives a car they are held criminally responsible and for anything that happens while they are driving. It is too easy to make excuses for violence - she was drunk; I provoked her; it was in the heat of the moment; she was on her period or whatever. But those are bogus excuses and not valid reasons. She is responsible for hitting you. That's it. No excuses. But you bear some responsibility for your safety in the future because you are aware that she can be violent. If you stay with her you are teaching her that it is Ok to hit you - that you will tolerate it. It doesn't lessen her responsibility for what she does one iota - but it does increase your responsibility for your safety because anyone who knowingly takes on a risk bears some responsibility for what happens. Yo cannot change her. You cannot save her. You cannot make her non-violent. Only she can do that and the only way she might is if she realises that her violence has adverse consequences - for her. One more thing - if the police are called during one of these fights, there is a very good chance that you are the one in jail and she is the one viewed as a victim. It isn't right nor is it fair. But that won't help you when you are looking the wrong way through a cell door. Link to comment
yoxa Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 I wont be with her any more. We gave ourselves too many chances already and it is the best if we stop. That is my decision and I know that it will be hard to fulfil it and I will certainly have moments in which I will want to call her and see her but when that happens I will come here and read what you people have said and post if I need help. Thank you very much for everything you told me tonight. It really helped to keep my mind off of her. Type ya later Link to comment
HulloThere Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Just because it's you doesn't mean it can't happen. DN is a very insightful person - and his insights helped me to leave my abusive relationship, and I was engrossed with her as well. People do listen on here, it just may not always want to be what they want to hear. I pushed my then-gf, and that wasn't like me, which told me even more clearly that something was wrong. If her attitude is changing you, you need to leave. To the OP - don't even look back. She sounds like a child - and slapping you? Over something so trivial? You made a good move. i agreed, best and hardest thing to do is take DN's advice. Link to comment
yoxa Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 Check the new thread named: "Here we go again. Link to comment
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