I keep worrying if stuff im reading on enotalone has to do with my ex

[mr me]

I guess to make it more clear i get this feeling like something that im reading might be something she might have wrote. I dont think it makes alot of sense but the whole problem with my break-up is im still struggling with dealing with it. I dont even know how to deal with it mostly. Its like i cant believe that it really happened. Im trying to deal with my irrational thoughts because when it was over i got super depressed. I know it is over and it wasnt meant to be. Its just so hard for me to see that there were so many good things that happened between us and we even wanted things to work out but they didnt. I have never meet anyone that even made me feel close to how i felt about her. I also have a lot of issues with loneliness because i seem to be so different from everyone im around. I kinda just end up being by myself most of the time because i dont like feeling like the odd one out. I also have issues with panic attacks so im trying to deal with that as well.

 

Ive made progress but for everything that ive done better it still feels like its too hard. I know that things usually get worse and then they get better. Its just so difficult to deal with things that you basically arent able to cope with. I have learned to just give myself time and hopefully the pain will go away. Its just sometimes i really dont want to get over her. I just know that i have to and it will never go back to how things were. She decided to move on and be in a relationship but i know shes not over me. I just dont get how she could be in a relationship with someone but still have the feelings she has for me. I guess for her its more denial because she doesnt or cant face how messed up she was to me. Its just so confusing because im stuck being in love with the good side of her but i could never be around anyone that was the way she was because of her problems being abused. I really cant do anything but get over this but its just drives me crazy that this could happen to me and that there is really nothing that i could do. I guess i did everything that i could do before and it still didnt work out. I just feel like with how bad my life was and still is in alot of ways that i cant see myself letting this go. I never felt happy before i meet her but at the same time so many things about the time i was with her made me so unhappy.

 

I actually think that my life got alot worse when it was over but thats only because she basically put me thru hell towards the end of the relationship. I really just believed that we were meant to be and things would work out. I guess i was just to idealistic or too much of a hopeless romantic. Its just really sucks to have someone that means so much to you and at the same time know that its not good for you to be with them. I just hope i can live what im saying and not just be saying it.

[InThisCity]

It can't hurt to ask the person who wrote the particular things if they are who you think they are. Chances are they are not, and will let you know as such. Really the odds are against that it's her, but if you ask, and find out it's not her, it will probably make you feel better. Who knows? It may make you question that person and say that it's her and that they're lying. If it does get to that point, you know what to focus on, and you certainly know what you need to stop doing.

 

I'm starting to do this. I'm starting to tell myself that every little thing does not matter, and that if I cannot change it, then why worry about what is going on. Why play out every scenario in my head? Why waste time with "what ifs?" Why think I'm going to be OK everyday when reality says that some days are going to be better than others, and that's fine.

 

I feel the very same as you do as far as falling in love with her good side, but we have to realize that there are things about them that weren't all good, and that someone who is meant to be better for us will have even better things to offer us! None of us can see down the road that far right now, but if we strain to catch a glimpse of the mirage on the horizon knowing it's a mirage, it will clear up and we'll soon see things as an opportunity, and not as a calamity.

 

If that's trite, I DO apologize. I mean everything I'm saying very fervently, as this is a day where everything has changed for me. My Ex turned around No Contact on me! and she said she wanted to be friends, but when I had gone through some healing and initially made Loose contact to see if we could start talking again she shifted from what she originally said and turned it around on me. She told me that I have confidence issues to work on (which I've been doing. She doesn't see that), and that I've set myself back by talking to her (see? She's turning it on me instead of taking responsibility).

 

But I've realized, this is going to be good for me in the long run, and if she wants to come back to be friends, fine. If not, then I will have my other friends to turn to. I mean, do I WANT a friend who can't take responsibility for something and when arguing with me about things, doesn't offer any middle ground or "I see what you mean" or at least "I disagree but respect you"? No sir.

[mr me]

I think about this alot like if my life wasnt so miserable then maybe i wouldnt want to go back to the only time in my life i was even happy. I guess you can say that it didnt turn out to last that way but it was at a moment. I also learned that you hold on to the good things in your life when you are doing bad. Its just if the very same person that kinda put you in this situation is also the same person that made you actually feel like your life could actually be good then it kinda messes everything up. I guess im using the good memories i had with her to help me deal with the miserable time im having without her. I guess maybe i was naive and didnt know what i know now but at the same time in any break-up its hard to see the good and bad in a person. Its like its separated so im still in love with the good side but i cant even begin to explain to you how messed up it makes me to see how messed up she was to me. Im just stuck in a very unfortunate situation.

 

Ive almost seemed to kinda break alittle more lately to where i really have no will to keep trying to get over this. I know that i dont deserve to be treated this way but at the same time i dont see myself finding anyone close to someone like her. So i know that might even have to do with how hurt i am by her. Its just im at a point where nothing seems to be so clear. I guess the typical argument would be why dont you try to do things different or try to move on, etc. I dont know too many people that would feel like lets make friends or i want to get to know this person that is miserable and depressed. I cant say its not all my fault that this happened and that being this way runs in my family but im basically am gonna be the only one thats gonna have to deal with this. I wasnt born in a situation to do good in life but thats what i want to do with my life. I just dont know how you can do that with so many things holding you back. Its like if you look at any troubled celebrity or any successful person that their issues have been causing them problems. I can see even some people have had to struggle with it their whole lives. I do know that some people have been able to get thru this but until that day comes its pretty much a really miserable ride. I dont know if anyone will get where im coming from because so many people like to make it seem like its because of me or that if i try hard enough then i should be ok. I guess you could say if it was you with ur situations then maybe that might be the case but for the most part my situations dont really make anything in my life that straightforward.

[lostandhurt]

That is how I found this place!

I googled what was happening to me and found a thread by a guy that was almost exactly my situation. Then a browsed the site and found several more. It just shows that you really aren't alone and all kinds of people go through the same kind off stuff.

 

I know your mind is thinking that you shouldn't be with her but your heart hasn't caught up yet. The battle will rage between them for some time. Keep posting and learning, it will help you see clearly what is healthy for you and just maybe convince your heart at the same time.

 

lost