Ex trying to make me jealous?

[Robert013]

So lately my ex and I have been in contact. I know.. I know.. NC.. NC.. But first off it is easier and it does not affect me much at all. Only when she is rude but this would affect me with anyone. NC is harder for me than what I am doing. My ex helped me raise my 7 year old son from the time he was 6 months old. So I am letting them continue a relationship.

 

Every time we talk she always makes it a point to tell me about her new boyfriend. She tells me about how they are getting puppies in the spring. How they have trips planned. How he likes books as much as she does. How he respects her. etc. etc. I always just say I am glad you are happy. This makes her mad why?

 

So i took the liberty to ask why she is giving me all of this info? She said she didn't realize she was doing it and then asked me what she said. I had a list a mile long. She then became upset when I told her that it didn't bother me and that I just thought it was weird for her to disclose all of this personal information to me. I mean we are friends, but we are also exes. The only personal stuff I let her know about has to do with my son.

 

I thought the rule is if you are remaining friends not to talk about your new relationships for at least a few months or a even a year? We just started talking again after about 2 months NC.

 

I also trhink it is strange that she will text message me all day long while he is at work. I wouldn't do this if I had a girlfriend it is disrespectful.

 

My questions are

 

Is my ex just trying to make me jealous?

 

Is she trying to prove something to me by validating her new boyfriend?

 

Is this her way of validating her new boyfriend to herself?

[Sweet Venus]

Robert I think she is just clueless and selfish. She displayed this when she would not respect your request for NC. I personally do not understand why you would involve yourself with her again. She sounds toxic. The whole relationship sounds toxic. Not exactly someone I would be happy keeping in my childs life...but that's just me.

 

Her discussing her relationship with you just sounds tacky and classless. I don't think she's trying to make you jealous at all.I think you allowing her in your life gives her a free pass to treat you like an emotional dishrag. So she is.

 

Sorry to be harsh. Just my opinion.

[Robert013]

Robert I think she is just clueless and selfish. She displayed this when she would not respect your request for NC. I personally do not understand why you would involve yourself with her again. She sounds toxic. The whole relationship sounds toxic. Not exactly someone I would be happy keeping in my childs life...but that's just me.

 

Her discussing her relationship with you just sounds tacky and classless. I don't think she's trying to make you jealous at all.I think you allowing her in your life gives her a free pass to treat you like an emotional dishrag. So she is.

 

Sorry to be harsh. Just my opinion.

 

Could be and you could be right, but it is not affecting me emotionally. I think that is why she gets angry when I tell her that it doesn't bother me and I just want her to be happy.

 

I am fine alone for the time being. I have friends and even a interested girl. I don't mention this to her because I think it would be rude. Now 6 months down the road if our friendship progresses then it wouldn't be, but we have only been talking since New years.

[Sweet Venus]

Robert.....since your ex left YOU she is further along in the "healing" process. So she thinks it's OK to blab to you like your her g/f about this guy. And you apparently "not caring" is the reason she does it. You say it doesn't bother you..so why is it an issue??

[Robert013]

Robert.....since your ex left YOU she is further along in the "healing" process. So she thinks it's OK to blab to you like your her g/f about this guy. And you apparently "not caring" is the reason she does it. You say it doesn't bother you..so why is it an issue??

 

Its not really an issue I just think it is weird. It is also weird that she gets mad when I tell her it doesn't bother me like it is supposed to or something. I figured this is the kind of stuff she would tell one of her girlfriends not her ex thats all. I might be her only friend to talk to though so maybe that is why she does it. She does not have many friends.

 

She most likely is further along in the healing process. But I have accepted the fact and I am okay with it, so I am moving on now as well.

[Robert013]

I will just ask her why she gets upset everytime I tell her it doesn't bother me next time she calls or texts me. This will solve the whole thing.

 

I think I have just become fond of posting here. I knew the way to solve this but I was seeking advise anyway. Sometimes the answer is just so simple it seems wrong.

[HulloThere]

Robert, from the posts I've read of yours, you seem to be still hurting. I almost think you are bi-polar from being hurt because in some posts you are saying she won't be a part of your child's life and in others you are relenting on that issue. I can relate though because I go pretty skitzo in my thinking if im not careful when dealing with a breakup. There are just so many strong emotions that come out that its hard not to breakdown a little.

 

I know you keep telling yourself and us that everything is ok and you may have even convinced yourself of that. But it might not hurt to do some more NC and get a little further along. I agree with others that if you are truly healed, her talking about an ex would not be "weird" or even an issue. Also, I think you are telling her you don't care and to be happy about her new bf because you know how that will effect her in a certain way that you want. Good luck sir!

[Robert013]

Old posts when i was in NC I had that attitude you have to in order to work through the emotions. It seems like everyone is bipolar when going through the initial emotions. Things change day to day initially. I thought that attitude helped me and it did, but my son is the one who wants a relationship with her and not seing her did not help him.

 

I am not sad anymore by this, I am not angry at her. Yes it is weird because it is so soon into talking with her.

 

Would she get mad at another friend if they said I am glad you are happy? No I don't think so. She chooses to tell me these things. When it doesn't affect me the way she expects she gets angry. I am not doing it on purpose. If I did not feel that way then what right do have to be her friend?

 

If I find that it starts bothering me again then I can end it. I am in control of that. Everyone dreads the day when they find out there ex has a new relationship. I knew a week after the break. I have already dealt with that pain. The only thing I miss is a relationship at this point. Thats why I haven't persued another one because it would be done out of desperation. I like being alone but I miss some aspects of being in a relationship not her. We were toxic as a couple but not as friends. We were friends before we became intimate. I do not want her back. I feel better than I did 2 months ago. She is acting much different than she did 2 months ago. And my son is happier with her in his life.

[thedude27]

My guess is she is either talking him up to convince herself she's in a great relationship or trying to get some jealousy out of you to feed her ego(getting a rise from you means you still care which means she is missed... which means she was some kind of great loss to you... which means she has value).

 

Common sense would be to not talk to you about the ex, she knows it upset you at one point. Its not that she just "forgot" that would be painful because she is so healed. This is the woman that wouldnt leave you alone during the breakup.

[alcide]

why dont you two get back together? I think you should give it a try, ask her back cause you want her back i can feel it. She too reason why she is making you jealous.

[Robert013]

My guess is she is either talking him up to convince herself she's in a great relationship or trying to get some jealousy out of you to feed her ego(getting a rise from you means you still care which means she is missed... which means she was some kind of great loss to you... which means she has value).

 

Common sense would be to not talk to you about the ex, she knows it upset you at one point. Its not that she just "forgot" that would be painful because she is so healed. This is the woman that wouldnt leave you alone during the breakup.

 

True. I was thinking she was talking him up a bit. She talked him up all the time. She makes it a point to validate him to me. weird!!

[susiesad]

Because she is evil. Her life is going great with her new man, and she just wants to rub your face in it. Not in a "jealousy" type of way - more a kind of "My life is so great since we split, yours isnt", type of way.

[Robert013]

I just don't think her life is that great. She invited my son and I to dinner last night. We went and I was fine with it. She mentioned all the stuff "We" (her and her new guy) had planned. It really didn't phase me, so i told her all of the things my son and I had planned.

 

She looked nervous and kept quite unless I said something first or asked my son a question. I was smiling and enjoying being out to dinner. She was not. She said she wasn't feeling well and we cut it short. I dropped her off at her fathers house.

 

She started texting me 15 minutes after I dropped her off and we just had text message conversation for around 2-3 hours. She tried to tell me how her life has changed more than mine.. How i forced her to make new friends.. How I forced her to do this and that.. I corrected her and said that she chose to make new friends, and she chose to change her life. She chose to make all of those decisions.. I also explained to her that I didn't force her to do anything and that I am not in control of what she does.

 

She was talking about the past and I just repeated saying we both regret things we did in the past so lets just call a truce and leave it in the past where it belongs. She is moody and just tried provoking me to get into an argument it didn't work. She was digging it didn't work.

 

She is not as happy as she lets on I can tell. She didn't smile once at dinner. She couldn't look me in the eye when she was talking to me. Everytime I would look away I could see her staring at me. I was with her 7 years I know her.

 

I think my life has changed more than hers. I am alone now doing everything on my own. I live alone, raise my son alone, pay my bills on my own, and do things that I enjoy on my own. It feels good to be independent for the first time in a long time.

 

She on the other hand just changed boyfriends basically just replaced me with him a week later. She is doing all of the same things she did with me with him not much of a change. Just a different version of a boyfriend.

[Robert013]

Because she is evil. Her life is going great with her new man, and she just wants to rub your face in it. Not in a "jealousy" type of way - more a kind of "My life is so great since we split, yours isnt", type of way.

 

But if it was so great then why would she have to tell me? She is not evil. My life is just fine and now she knows it now that we have been in contact. She must have been expecting me to fall completely apart without her? Not the case. Yeah for the first month but now I am feeling fine and have my own life, and I like it.