LAEMrough Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Okay, so some of you may have read my previous posts. I have been doing better lately, bit by bit, and i went several days without harming myself in any way, and i went two days without a thought of it. I was starting to get better, talking to my friends before i did anything to myself, but the feeling is back and i don't know what to do. yesterday i found out a friend of mine attempted suicide last thursday. she is still on life support and the only change is that she has brainwaves when people talk to her now. I know that is a good thing, but i really have no clue how to deal with this. it makes me want to hurt myself again, but this time i want to do something bad. something that will hurt a lot to take away this huge pain that i'm in. i just thought i would post before i did anything. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Please take a step back and don't. I know many people (myself included) Who have been where you are and its a dark and lonely road. Think, hurting yourself wont achieve anything except relieving some of the pain for now, but it will be back. You have to try and help yourself. A trick I once had, instead of cutting, just hold a piece of ice in your hand. It sounds stupid, but it causes physical pain and relief with none of the cutting. Link to comment
lauramed Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Honey you need to talk to someone. My daughter, who is now 18, was cutting herself for quite a while before I even realized. I know now that she was in a tremendous amount of pain. Her father and I divorced and the family had to go through a lot of changes. If you need someone to talk to you can PM me here anytime. Please, the next time you start feeling like you need to hurt yourself....talk to me and I'll try to help you through it. Link to comment
girl friend Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I'm so sorry about your friend hun. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it though, it was her silent battle, you don't have to punish yourself. how about turning it around into something practical that will help your friend? like collecting her homework at school or something. I'm sure that ll cheer her up when she comes round! Did you do it? Don't worry about it you know, if you resisted thats great, but if you did it, it doesn't make you a bad person. You can pick yourself up and move on from it. That is where your strength lies. you've done it before, you can do it again. Link to comment
justignoreme Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I'd personally let it out in a form of anger or rage. turn it into something else. ideally, like taking a baseball bat or sledge hammer to an old junk car or something sitting in a junk yard.. I've always wanted to do that when I get to feeling like crap. that idea might be pretty "out there" for you, but the point is to find a different way of letting the feelings out. something safe, something direct. Link to comment
LAEMrough Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 Thanks guys. No, I didn't do it. I talked to my friends for a while until i felt a little bit better. I played my guitar and learned how to play some more songs so i could keep myself distracted. I waited for a while until i could read this post again, and i feel a bit better now. my friend in the hospital hasn't made any recovery yet, but my friends taught me how to see a bright side in this situation, although it seems impossible that there even is one. i don't feel like hurting myself so much now, can't say the feeling is gone, but it has lightened up a little bit. Link to comment
LAEMrough Posted January 22, 2009 Author Share Posted January 22, 2009 yes. my friend died on saturday, and it was very very hard. i got through it though by talking to my friends who knew her very well and some friends of hers that i had never met. we had counselors and stuff at this meeting we had about her. it felt better talking to someone about it. i haven't talked about my cutting yet though. a couple days ago though, one of my friend's other friends had an idea about starting a teen community support group. i am helping out in starting the support group, and it is a great feeling knowing that i am finally doing something to help teens around my area who are having problems like me. i know i will greatly benefit from the group, and i am already feeling great knowing that i had something to do with getting this started - that i am finally doing something about the problem of teen suicide, and that i am doing something to help people who are in such a pain. Link to comment
irishrimp Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 That's GREAT news! I hope you can continue to follow through with that, pour your heart into it, and realize how much better you'll feel! This is a great step and very encouraging to hear =) I'm proud of you! I used to cut too, and while it feels good temporarily, nothing will ever be enough to deal with the pain (believe me, I've tried a number of things, but there is always that unresolved longing to do more...). Talking is the best way to deal with things, and guess what, it's HARMLESS! I give you that it is difficult, but I think it will be really beneficial to everyone in the group to know that other's who thought they were alone are actually going through the same things. Talking about it would be wonderful! GOOD LUCK to you! I'm excited to hear how the group works out =) P.S. I'm sorry to hear about your friend dying. That's very difficult to deal with especially when they're young, but to look on the bright side... something good is coming from this to prevent more deaths and help the community heal as a whole Link to comment
girl friend Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 Man i'm so sorry... How old was she? Man... do you know any details? what had made her miserable. And of course hun thats amazing what you're doing, to help. How are you doing? Link to comment
LAEMrough Posted January 24, 2009 Author Share Posted January 24, 2009 my friend had just turned 16. i really don't know what was bothering her. we went to different schools, so we really didn't see each other that often. she never opened up to anyone. for her friends it had just come out of the blue. one day, she was at school, the next she was in the hospital. i was doing better. i sort of still am, but i feel terrible tonight because i just got home from her wake. i had had this little feeling inside of me that it wasn't real, like i kept thinking in my mind it was, but my heart didn't quite know it. when i saw her in that casket.....her poor, lifeless body, i finally knew it was real. everything was really happening. and it's very hard for me right now, but i know i will get over this somehow. Link to comment
irishrimp Posted January 25, 2009 Share Posted January 25, 2009 my friend had just turned 16. i really don't know what was bothering her. we went to different schools, so we really didn't see each other that often. she never opened up to anyone. for her friends it had just come out of the blue. one day, she was at school, the next she was in the hospital. i was doing better. i sort of still am, but i feel terrible tonight because i just got home from her wake. i had had this little feeling inside of me that it wasn't real, like i kept thinking in my mind it was, but my heart didn't quite know it. when i saw her in that casket.....her poor, lifeless body, i finally knew it was real. everything was really happening. and it's very hard for me right now, but i know i will get over this somehow. I hope you stay strong and do get over this when you're ready! I know how difficult your pain is. When I was 16, my 18 year old friend who I looked up to had committed suicide. No one knew it was coming. Her last day alive, at school, she seemed so happy... she NEVER mentioned being depressed or having difficult times, she even was like hugging and saying she'll see us tomorrow when she was getting picked up. Then the next day at school on the announcement they said she had died. So many of us were in shock... she was very involved with the school, helpful, friendly, etc. She had so violently killed herself that they had to have a closed casket. It was hard to not get that closure... it at least made me think that maybe she wasn't really dead. Anyway, just know you are stronger than her. You have the willpower to be strong, talk with others, get help. You CAN overcome all your troubles =) you're on the right track... hang in there! In the end, after the struggle to recover, everything will be all better. Link to comment
girl friend Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 I'm so sorry... Thats a classic lesson that we all need to be aware of, suicidal depressives are often so happy and free once they've decided... It often can't be prevented though, its noone's fault. We've just got to be there for others who are still with us now. xxx Link to comment
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