Break Up - General Title I know.

[Jimm101]

Hi everyone.. Hope everyone is ok, I chose this forum as I have read around a few topics and saw that there has been some sound, friendly advice given out which has been well received. Well done.

 

I'll give you a little back ground for contextual reasons.

 

I have recently (2 days ago) broke up with my girlfriend of 18 months. We have had out problems in the past over the issues which led to me calling it a day on our relationship. About 10 months ago, we had a week (no contact) long break as she was unsure if she loved me anymore as we both want different things in life (I want a good career, my own house, marriage then kids - in that order. She wants kids [4], maybe a career, not that fussed on marriage, and she already has her own house in a not brilliant area). So, the week long break that broke my heart, I thought it was the end, and had the worst week ever. She eventually got back in touch and said that she wanted to work on things and progress with our relationship. I wasn't bothered about the future, just wanted her.

 

Anyway, we carried on with our relationship, she was getting more demanding, she has mood swings can go for hours without talking, we've had arguments, I get accused of silly things alot and told off. Anyway besides the point, she wanted to start trying for kids this year, when I said no, i'm not ready and I dont know when I will be. Having Children isn't a priority for me at the moment, after a row, she agreed to wait for whenever I was ready for kids, she loves me, and all she wants is me and a family with me.

 

This ate away at me for a week, as I came to the realisation that we want different things and someone was always going to end up being unhappy at not getting what they wanted out of the relationship. I ended it (face to face). I broke her heart.

 

I feel awful, she feels worse. She's texting me, emailing me, telling me she loves me, why can't we comprimise, she doesnt know if she wants 4 kids, she might end up wanting marriage, that shes not eating, she feels sick, she hasnt stopped crying, who knows what we want in the future.. in summary, allsorts. and I feel like crap. I feel like i've made the right decision but I don't know how to handle this feedback from her. It's upsetting to say the least. I never wanted to upset her, thats the last thing i've ever wanted to do. I'm confused and need advice.

 

If you've got this far, thanks for reading, I really appriciate it.

 

Finally, the last little twist in this story, she already has a daughter who is coming up three year old in February who I adore and she adores me. Which is making this whole thing even worse.

 

I'm 22 (Still at University) and shes coming up 24 in March.

 

Thanks in advance for any help.

[SapphireNoir10]

Wait.

 

You've given up on her and your relationship over this issue...do you even love her?

 

It sounds like you are both suffering. Can't you talk to eachother face to face, try and compromise. it doesnt sound like you've tried to work on your issues at all.

[Jimm101]

I don't know.. I don't know what to think. I don't want her to live a life that she never planned on living because of her desire to stay with me. She wants loads of kids and no marriage.. I want marriage then kids.

 

I don't know what to do.

 

Thanks for the reply btw.

[SapphireNoir10]

I think you really need to sit down and talk to her. You need to ask her what it is she truly wants and what she would be willing to do.

 

She wouldnt stay with you unless she was willing to compromise, she has already showed that she would.

 

Shes right as well, no one knows about the future, you could get hit by a bus tommroow, so why loose your family, your girlfriend and her kid, because of what the future MIGHt hold.