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People who have hit rock bottom before...


mintblossom

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I had a situation in which I suddenly had the prospect of no job in a month's time because some funding fell through (nothing to do with me, but I was the one suddenly facing unemployment). At the same time, I'd just broken up with my gf, and my main group of friends had moved to another city a while back and we'd fallen somewhat out of touch, so I had no support system in place. I lived with my gf, so I also faced losing my home. Lost job, lost friends, lost home, lost gf. All at once. It was a nightmare.

 

What did I do? Well I wish I could tell you I found the magic formula, did one thing and it was all easily fixed, but the truth is you just have to follow the well-known quote from Winston Churchill: "If you're going through hell, keep going". And that's really it. Don't stop in hell, keep going and eventually you will get out of it. I did; I forced myself to get up in the morning, even if my eyes were full of tears as I did so, forced myself to go to work sometimes at least, applied for some new jobs, went to counselling. Rebuilt things with my gf and made a go of that, which also meant I could move back to my home, got a new job, which enabled me to meet new people and make new friends.

 

No matter how much things fall apart, they can be repaired. Sometimes you just have bad luck, and if you wait long enough, your luck will change. The challenge is to keep going long enough, and find the will to try hard enough, and it will get better.

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Because there is no other way, what other choice do we have? the only choice is to keep going, keep learning, find meaning in something, have faith things will get better and actively try to seek that. There is no right way only your way. You don't realise how strong you are until something happens which destroys you.

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Well, I always found this good advice when building self-esteem and recovering: -

 

Building self-esteem

Though it's impossible to legislate high self-esteem, our own self-esteem has huge implications for our life paths. Our history of self-esteem begins as children, and follows us throughout our lives; it affects all our decisions - and, like a garden, needs constant tending.

 

One example of self-esteem can be seen in setting out upon our careers. For a person to make a non-traditional career choice, for example, a woman becoming a commercial pilot, or to go against family desires, requires someone to have a belief in their ability to make appropriate decisions, even though significant others in their life disagree with them.

 

Almost everyone can identify when they're on top of the world, enjoying the benefits of high self-esteem. However, experts have theorised that high self-esteem can also act as a cushion for those times when life lets us down. Rejections, disappointments and failure are a part of daily life.

 

Life isn't always fair; and even our best efforts aren't always successful. But high esteem can help us get through life's downturns.

 

Remember this and I hope it helps those who have hit rock-bottom

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How did you recover a life worth living again? In terms of friendships, school, career, work, love, family? How? There must be a way right?

 

Do not get hung up on interpersonal relationships. Realize that sexualized love might not be what you need right now, and accept it as a step in your personal growth.

 

The desire to share our emotional fragility with others is an instinct-driven emotion that needs to be conquered before you'll be fully in control of yourself.

 

But then while that may be easy for me to say, in practice you will probably find it much more difficult.

 

Good luck with whatever you choose.

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Yes, breathing is a good place to start. As silly as that might sound, sometimes it's all you are capable of. That's where I usually start. After a catastrophic event such as relationship breakdown, loss of job... I've been there. Both quite recently. I'm still sorta hovering on the first couple of steps of the ladder up.

 

Find somewhere to sit, I found a deserted beach a great place, and just breathe, in and out, cry as much as you need to for as long as you need to. Eventually you will stop crying.

 

Take one day at a time, don't think about tomorrow.

 

Try and do some things that won't put you in a threatening situation, things that you can do on your own or with a friend ...

 

go the park, botanic gardens, the zoo, walk on the beach, go on a road trip, read a book, cross stitch, do an insanely difficult jigsaw puzzle...

 

keep your mind busy, but if you feel the need to meltdown for a bit, don't deny yourself that. Keeping it in is not a good thing.

 

Very slowly, you will find yourself, learning to live again, socialising again, living a functional rewarding life, without whatever it is that you lost.

 

I know it's a cliche, but you just don't know what is around the corner. January a year ago, I lost my job. I thought at the time it was the end of the world. I loved the work I was doing and was completely freaking out about how I was going to get through, pay the bills etc etc. After the shock wore off, I sat down and came up with a plan, I did some temp work for a while and then was offered a really great job where I met a really great guy. (let's not talk about the fact that the relationship is now in the toilet but hey! that's beside the point). I was really happy there for about 6 months, and had I not lost that job, I wouldn't have the really great job I'm in now with some really great career prospects.

 

anyway, this is getting a bit long, so I'll stop now... but I guess I'm just trying to say that time will help but look after yourself in the first instance and good things will always follow.

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Rockbottom, wow, i know it so well......I have been there more than once. But getting back up and moving forward with a positive attitude is truly the best way to be. I know its easier said than done, i havent been the most positive person but faith is a good thing to have. Staircase said it best, i think.....

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that happenend to me 8 years ago when my then bf left me. for a long time the only thing that kept me going was my work, although for some time i was there just physically. when it got me into trouble and my boss asked me what was going on i took it as a wake up call. since i felt so bad about myself, i took all the pain as a motivator to look at myself, my behavior and the areas of my life that i felt i needed to improve.

 

taking small steps everyday and forgiving yourself and being kind to yourself really worked for me

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I am a pro at hitting rock bottom and then recovering to become a better and more well-rounded person.

 

Rock bottom is all about having an extreme dislike for who and or where I am in life and being at a complete loss for what to do about it.

 

The first step is to accept full responsibility for how I got to be this way in this place and space. Nobody made me this way, I chose this.

 

Second I must create a new vision for where and who I want to be. I must redefine my goals and picture myself succeeding.

 

Third I must begin to base all of my decisions, large or small on whether they move me closer or further from my new goals.

 

That's it. Once the momentum builds, I am happy again.

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Even at our age ReadytoHeal? Is it really possible to start all over again in mid-40s. I sometimes feel like my life is over and there is no-where to go from here. Like all I have left to look forward to is old age and a life of loneliness....

 

Sorry, I know this doesn't make any positive contribution to this thread - just feeling very low today.

 

Poppies

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Even at our age ReadytoHeal? Is it really possible to start all over again in mid-40s. I sometimes feel like my life is over and there is no-where to go from here. Like all I have left to look forward to is old age and a life of loneliness....

 

Sorry, I know this doesn't make any positive contribution to this thread - just feeling very low today.

 

Poppies

 

If it makes you feel any better, a very good friend of mine has just got engaged as she celebrates her 50th birthday, and has never been happier.

 

Your life does not have to be over just yet.

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Karvala - bless you for your quick and positive reply and thank you for that...very nice to hear. I wonder if she is one of the lucky few however...... I'm not sure that happens very often...

 

Seriously, I'm not in a good place at the moment. and that place is gloomy.

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Even at our age ReadytoHeal? Is it really possible to start all over again in mid-40s. I sometimes feel like my life is over and there is no-where to go from here. Like all I have left to look forward to is old age and a life of loneliness....

 

Sorry, I know this doesn't make any positive contribution to this thread - just feeling very low today.

 

Poppies

 

Yes, the greatest single thing about being alive is that you can start over any time you want.

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A good positive reply R2H and it should be my attitude I know. but I don't feel that way - competing against younger people for jobs and partners, it's much harder. I feel I should be more settled at my age - it's what I want. But i can't seem to achieve it. I need someone to love who also loves me in my life but not sure I'll find this.

i feel on the scrapheap of life and he anxiety of it all is badly affecting my sleep - has been for months.

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I'm only 35 and it is taking every scrap of strength I have to not feel like it's all over. I seem to be a terrible judge of character and constantly getting messed up with guys who treat me terribly. I find it getting harder and harder to be positive and move on with a belief that there is something better out there for me. But I wake up every morning, I try to put a smile on my face, I go to work, I try to find something in my day worth smiling about.

 

I've just applied to volunteer at the Womens and Childrens hospital in the hope that maybe by helping others I may find my purpose.

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When I hit rock bottom I was physically forced there for health reasons. What brought me right back was the knowledge that only we have the power/choice to rise above obstacles,limitations and only we have the power to be happy by being happy in ourselves.Everything else ..everyone else cannot give you what you have inside... you have to lift yourself up to greater heightss

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I hit rock bottom about a year after I got out of college. I had a hell of a hard time getting employment with my degree and I could not find something that I could qualify for. Looking back at my resume at the time, I kept thinking, "I have nothing worth mentioning on this resume... I suck." With a lack of responses from employers, and being laid off after a month working at one place, things went south. It went south faster when what little money I had dried up and could not pay off my student loan and other essential things.

 

So how did I get out of this hole? Well, I took a deep breath and took a risk. I was so unsure how it would turn out, but I felt it was the choice I had to make at the time. What was that choice? Well, I joined the US Air Force (I know, not the choice for everybody). Guess the point is, sometimes you have to make hard choices before things get better.

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How did you recover a life worth living again? In terms of friendships, school, career, work, love, family? How? There must be a way right?

 

It took something to care about. First time around, it was a determination to never be at rock bottom again (that was financial, emotional, career, everything all failing at the same time). Second time around (purely emotional, living in a place where I hated the culture and feeling trapped) it was setting my sights on something that made me true to myself and not doing what others expected of me anymore. I'll be damned if I ever see a time number 3....

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How did you recover a life worth living again? In terms of friendships, school, career, work, love, family? How? There must be a way right?

 

I've bottomed out three times in my life:

 

1990 Age 26- Drug addiction. I realized that sitting alone in my basement with a shotgun in my mouth was probably NOT what my parents and God had in mind when they created me. No place to go but up from there, huh? Went into rehab, checked my ego at the door, and did EVERYTHING I was told to do. Stayed clean and decided it would be a good time to grow up and act like a man.

 

2005 Age 42- Breakup of an 11 year relationship. It was a mutual amicable breakup but still a VERY painful and challenging time. I did all the things we're supposed to do- layed low, worked on me, became a better man, carried onward and upward.

 

2008 Age 45- Breakup of a VERY unhealthy relationship. I was abused mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. 6 months prior to the break up I began misusing pain meds for a broken rib and drinking. WHOA! I did NOT want to go back down THAT road ever again. Got out of that trouble before it got its hooks into me again and began to detach from the hellish relationship. Final split about 6 weeks ago. I found that although I had been detaching I had a lot farther to travel. I was lost in the world, uncomfortable in my skin, and every nerve, every emotion, every aspect of life was just raw. I felt as if my spirit was broken and I was truly at the depths of despair, depression, and hopelessness.

 

Well here I am and I'm doing well. Not "ok" not so-so; I am doing GOOD!

 

I've been through enough to know that it is up to me to make it or I can always roll over and "die" - i have a choice. I really do. Even when it feels as if I can't go on another day I manage.

 

I write in a journal that I've kept for a decade. I pray daily. I visit sites like ENA and a couple others, I tend my home, my pets, and myself. I have many ups and downs but the waves are slowly but surely turning into ripples. I have hope for my future and still believe in love. I redirect negative or painful thoughts towards something positive. I talk to friends and family, and I take baby steps when I feel like I can't go on.

 

In some ways I think that some of the challenges in my life have made me a better man. I don't think it has anything to do with strength- I think it has more to do with perseverance. I'm a deep-feeling deep-thinking overly-sensitive person. What seems to roll off the backs of others seems to weight so heavilly on me and tries to weigh me down. I'm stubborn and that is my saving grace- I refuse to roll over and give up. I push forward and look upward because the alternative is out of the question.

 

I'm stubborn and although I'm filled with fear and uncertainty I press on and keep my fingers crossed.

 

I ain't giving up. Not while i still have another breath.

 

 

Peace,

 

JD123

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I ended the college school year knowing I failed every class. I was high most of the time, and I loved every moment except the end. The end came hard. It was the second warm week of spring that I started to realize I have not been to a class in a month. I paid no mind to this, and I continued on my path. I slept with Becky. I went on dates with Olivia. I played chess high with George. People sold me pot, and I directed people to where they can buy pot. I should have been a dealer, but I knew that life would end in disaster. Except, I forgot that more than one path could lead to disaster.

 

At the end of the year finals week came. George and I found these new girls, Amanda, Jess, Indian Girl, and someone else. He fell for Jess, while I played with the Indian girl, and Amanda fell for me. Meanwhile I slept and ate breakfast with Becky, and I went to parties with Olivia at night. I went three nights without sleep until Wednesday came. Finally, Jess convinced me to sleep. I had a final in three hours, and I went to sleep knowing I needed to get up. I set my alarm, and I slept deeply. Three hours came and went. My roommate turned off my alarm after it has been beeping for a while. I slept. I woke up finally when night was coming on. I broke.

 

I completely broke down. I went to George’s room, and I did not make sense. He did not know what was wrong, and why should he have? I left and went back to my room. I smoked, burned and chilled, or I tried to. I broke and all the king’s men could not put me back together again.

 

Life stops for no man, and life did not stop for me. I continued on the path I set out for myself. I had a job waiting for me at a nice engineering firm. I worked in the back in the factory. I enjoyed working with the temps down from philly, and I enjoyed working with the local full time people. Just for the not so color blind people, the Hispanics, blacks, and Asians worked in the back, while the front was white.

 

I kept burning. The temps kept me supplied with ganga. I burned every chance I got. Until, I received a letter saying I was on academic probation. My father freaked, and I forced myself to go to two summer classes in the second summer session down in the Ambler campus. Ambler is where it just so happened Becky lived. I went to class. I saw her a few times. I burned while driving. I drove with me knee. I drove for 40 minutes with my knee until I finally got to back roads with hard turns which could not be accomplished with my knee.

 

Finally the summer ended, and college began with so much hope of repeating the good times I experienced from before. The first night my roommate, George, and I went to some guys place for drinks and fun. Amanda had fun dancing on the table. I tried to keep my spirits up. My mind wandered, and I could not enjoy the fun. A couple more nights passed. Amanda was falling for me. I played coy; she played virgin. A couple more nights and Olivia IM’s me to have one of our 5am talks. I went over to her place, and told George where I was going. At Olivia I was the highest I have ever been. The walls were moving, and she was the best ever! Maybe it was the drugs.

 

When I went back home, I was faced with cold indifference from my friends. Amanda was pissed. So, I kept on doing what I was doing. Becky lived down the hall this semester, but she started cold shouldering me. I did not talk to Olivia much after that night because of the fear of being too high that night. I did not enjoy the walls moving, truly. My world was cracking. I started to withdraw. I started to remember classes and commitment and the cost of college. But I continued to withdraw. By now it was too late to start going to class. I resigned myself to failure. I continued getting more and more depressed. My friends at this point had forgiven me, but I withdrew from them too much. And all through this I kept burning and burning and burning. The pot helped me withdraw.

 

I withdrew too much. My world was cracked and breaking and finally broke. I spent some time exploring around campus to get on top of buildings. Most people would look out to the horizon at the top of buildings, but I looked straight down at the sidewalk below. I thought what it would be like to fly. I wondered what it would be like to jump. The people around me were concerned, but I had stopped listening to them. When they spoke, I heard something else. Did they really say I wish he would just jump? Or did they say, I wonder if he would jump? Or, I am afraid he might jump? What they said made no sense anymore. The words coming from people’s mouths were becoming jumbled in my ears. I could not make out what they were saying. So I withdrew.

 

I finally came to a point where talking to my mother I said, I think I am going crazy. She drove down to philly to rescue me from this hell I had created for myself. It took 3 days for her to convince me to come home. I was in hell, but it was my hell. I slept for a month.

 

But life stops for no man. I starting working at a telemarketing place. I went to work, but I hated it. I hated the idea of working in such a place, like it was never end. I had barely worked there a month before I quit. I think I just kept repeating the same words over and over and over again. I think I read a note saying: "There is this guy sitting accross from me just saying the same thing over and over again." Anyway, I quit in about a month. Driving back and forth was horrible because my check engine light was on.

 

My parents were pissed! Really really pissed. My mother finally convinced me to see a psychotherapist. That was when I truly started to accept something was wrong with me. Nothing seemed real anymore. Everything started to be like a movie.

 

A few months later, I finally convinced my parent to let me go back to school. They asked if I could since I dropped out. I said, sure all I have to do is go back there and register. Well I did. I went back and registered, and the department head asked me if I had gone through all the steps to get back into school. I replied, sure I did; it must have been some administrative error. And viola, I am enrolled again for the summer.

 

I found a place to live, then things started getting really weird. I think I went out at night with no memory of what happened. There was a 7-11 down the street, and weird dreams of being in there naked. Weird dreams of collapsing in the middle of the street. Or maybe it really did happen. Well this was only for 6 weeks, and it was a lovely crazy 6 weeks.

 

I went home for a weekend, and my mother said I needed help. Said I cannot go on like this. Said, Something is wrong! So, after nagging and nagging, she finally took me to the ER. I could not take it.

Dr: "Do you hear voices."

Me: "Yes, no, maybe, what's thoughts and what's voices and what is the difference" - I only really said "Yes" out loud.

Dr: "Have you thought about killing yourself"

Me: "Who hasn't. Everyone have thought of killing themselves. It's the favorite pass time of some people" - I only really said "Who hasn't ... gibberish gibberish gibberish"

Dr: "Here take these and see how you like them"

 

So I took them, got a doctor. I missed the second summer session at college, but I went back in the fall with my drugs and my crazies. Foolish me. I went there and went to classes for about a week. Then I stopped going to all but one. I played Everquest II, Legend of Ryzom, Some other games. They all sucked. I went to a concert in philly. One of those large free ones. I walked there, and I walked back. It was a nice walk there, but the way back screwed me. Never walk alone in cities. Maybe someone hit me on the head, I don't remember. Maybe afterwards someone put a gun to my head, and said "give your wallet or I will shoot." And, I responded, "OK, shoot I have been going on top of building thinking of jumping off. Do it!" Maybe I dreamed everything up since then, but somehow these memories are linked in here. And, I really did go on top of building to think about jumping.

 

After the fall semester, I came home and went back for the spring. This time I went to absolutely none of my classes. I decided it was all a ruse to have some time to heal. More like wallowing in despair. I played Everquest II during this time. I still wonder how people can get to lvl 50 in such short time, when spending 5 month of constantly playing only turned my character into a lvl 29 crappy ranger. Did I get mugged again? I think I just lost my mind. Before I said I was in hell. No, Now I am in hell.

 

The medication during this time was so useful at being content doing nothing all day. I was red eyed and drolling on myself. I should have been dead. I was surprised I was not.

 

I guess I should tell you now why my check engine light is on. Turns out the oxygen sensor was reading Carbon Dioxide leaking into my car. HA!!! Every week, I would drive 2 hours to meet with my therapist, and ever once in a while my doctor. No wonder they thought I was crazy! Well, I was crazy. I was a recluse. I never went outside for anything other than food, and mountain dew at the store. Wow, I was screwed up.

 

Semester ends with spring in full bloom and me on even more medication. I gained about 100 pounds in the course of the last year. One-Hundred Frigging Pounds!!! My skin stretched and in some places ripped. I have stretch marks on my * * * * , like I was pregnant at some point in my life! I still have not lost my * * * * !

 

The semester ends, and I go home.

 

... I think this is all I can type for now. All I can say is

TOP THAT!!! HAHAHAHA!

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Because I think you, like most of us here, will find yourself in that situation more than once. What has helped me is having days where I (like someone above said) would just concentrate on breathing. Somedays we just have to take little, small baby steps, but keep moving forward! Do some one small thing every day that keeps you moving forward! Refuse to stagnate. Refuse to be a slave to what ever it is that is making you feel like you are at rock bottom. Reach out for help where ever you can find it. Help someone else. It's funny how your own problems seem to go away when you are reading these posts on eNotAlone. Champion yourself, and keep moving forward. Refuse to just lay down and take it, because you are better than that.

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