Feeling hopeless...

[Redsox2545]

So her AIM profile always has song lyrics and I feel like they're always aimed at me. They have to be because it's always sad break up song lyrics. I actually just caved and tried to call her about 10 minutes ago. She didn't answer. This is the first time I've tried to contact her since December 11th. I feel horrible...she hasn't talked to me since about Dec. 8th and I got my stuff back through her older brother on Jan. 4th. I can't do this anymore. All I do is think about her still even during my college courses. I think about what she's doing or times we've had. I can't live like this and it's killing me. She broke up with me and it's been hell since...I feel so alone at a new school with no friends in the area either. I have no one and it's a tough time right now and I don't have anyone to even care.

[beejcee]

hey redsox --

 

you are going through one of the worst life experiences.... a breakup with someone that you didn't want to happen.

 

this is time for you to reach out to friends and family.... to give yourself permission to feel bad and make mistakes in what you do (like caving in)..... to understand that sometimes in life you are going to have to deal with things that make you incredibly sad and out of your control.....

 

i am sorry you are feeling so sad and that your gf broke up with you.

 

this summer i filed for divorce from my husband because he cheated on me several times. i didn't want to do it but he gave me no choice. i couldn't think about anything else but him for months.... i didn't want to talk to anyone else and felt completely alone so i understand your feelings.

 

hang in there and post often. there are lots of people here to support you and be there for you.

[Redsox2545]

I feel like I deserve the closure that I still haven't received...Her best friend has gotten in the middle and IM'ed me to tell me to just "get over it" and "move on and stop being so damn depressed and desperate." Mind you her friend is essentially one of the reasons why this happened in my opinion and their relationship going south. Although she claims they are all good now and blames any of their problems on me even though I encouraged them to spend time together and whatnot. My friend who's going out with her best friend knows things because he talks to her best friend. So everyone knows somethings and I'm in the dark about what the hell happened. She refuses to talk to me and wants to just move on with her life as if I never existed. It's hard for me almost a month and a half later to just forget about it. I think about it daily still, multiple times a day and it interrupts my living and schooling. If you search my posts and threads you'll have a better understanding of my situation. I appreciate any help and insight or enlightenment anyone can give me. I have no one but direct family and things in my life are a mess. I want so badly just to talk to her but I've been told she "doesn't hate me. she just doesn't love me anymore." She also put up as her facebook status "put on your big boy pants and move along." I feel horrible because if she doesn't hate me then why can't she even talk to me? I can't move on without knowing what happened even though it'll hurt. I realize I'm going to hurt no matter what though.

[pushforward]

Unfortunately, no matter what she tells you, it won't help with the pain that you're going through. She and others have made it very clear to you and you need to accept that's her answer. You need to let go or get dragged down. I've been there and I've been focusing on me, it still hurts and I still think about her like crazy, but it's better than me going to get my heart broken repeatedly.

 

Try to look at yourself as a 3rd person and read into your own actions, if it seems silly, it probably is. You won't die through this, you will hurt a lot. I won't lie to you, but it will be one of the best things that happens to you. You learn more about what you want out of life and more about people. Sometimes you gotta go through the bad things in life to make it to the promise land.

 

Healing is never linear, they don't understand you because they are not in pain. Or quite frankly, they don't care. Which doesn't make them bad people, it just means you should stop hurting yourself. They can't be there the way you want them to be. It's difficult being alone, but heck, IF I CAN MAKE IT, YOU CAN MAKE IT.

 

A months is not that long of a time to grieve a loss. Reasonably it will take MONTHS, sometimes even years! Focus on you and show the world what you're made of. You can pull through this, better than ever! If they don't have an ounce of compassion for the pain of what you're going through, why should you want to affiliate with people like that? Immaturity and selfishness, attractive qualities that you want in friends?

 

Not to be cruel here, but sometimes tough love is exactly what we need to move on.

[aeschylus]

You need to cut off the communications if you can.

 

Going through a difficult break-up turns you into a kind of addict.

 

You get addicted to thinking about them, addicted to hearing about them, addicted to wanting to know all the little information.

 

The problem is - knowing what she said, or did, or what her friends think - doesn't make you feel better. It makes it much worse. Trust me - I've been there, I'm still there to some extent.

 

It's inevitable that you will ask about her. But trust me when I say, that everytime you hear something new, it will feel like a new cut.

 

Do your best to eliminate her from your life - at least for now - and surround yourself with friends that care!

[gee]

Hey redsox fan,

 

I know exactly what you are going through man! You went through the holidays feeling like crap, right? She broke up with you exactly the same time my ex did with me (Dec. 07). I was going through the same emotions you are going through this exact minute last year! It's hell! Break ups can break you down completely man. I know you can't focus with the things you are trying to do at the moment. It's not easy, none of this is easy! Unfortunately, there is no magic cure for this. I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but there is nothing. I'm sorry my friend.

 

However, there are somethings you can start to do to gradually start feeling better. As of right NOW stop calling her! If she calls you do NOT answer. GO NC immediately! No contact..NO text/emails/FB/Myspace/smoke signals...NOTHING! You have to start taking care fo yourself my friend. Start going to the gym to start distracting things off your mind (it will also get you in great shape), start reading books, vent here on ENA (people here DO CARE for YOU), talk to friends/family members. You have to let go of her. I know right now you are saying, he thinks all this is easy. Of course this is easier said than done. I was there man! TRUST me on this one. You have to dig deep for your inner strength.

 

Thinking about her is normal. That wont disappear in a flash, but you can start to heal right now if you do the right thing. Listen to what everyone here says to you! ENA cares man. I've been here 1 year and I feel MUCH better. The sooner you act on the advice you receive here the better you will feel. Don't make the same mistake I made...go against what everyone here was telling me. It just delayed my healing process and I continued to drown myself in misery! You need to stay positive!!!!

 

DO THE RIGHT THING MAN! WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU!

 

PM me if you need to.

 

Keep your head up and stay strong!

 

gee

 

P. S. NC is key to healing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SighSob]

We've all been there dude...I got dumped on 7 December too...and I've been through what you are going through...I've been in NC for one month now and...I feel better!! Actually, I feel good!! I think about her and want her back but I am DOING GOOD!!! And if she doesn't come back, I will survive...so, just follow ENA's advice.

 

---MANTAIN NO CONTACT AND...

1)Go to the gym!

2)Talk to family and friends

3)Come here

4)Hope for the best (if it's meant to be, it will be)

5)Prepare for the worst (if she doesn't come back - her loss! - hey, the world it's plenty of girls who will fall in love with you and won't treat you like crap!)

[HulloThere]

hey redsox, believe it or not lots of people here have gone through the exact same set of emotions you are currently going through. The closure you are seeking will not help you in the least bit. I also chased after it at one point thinking once I have "closure" everything will be great. But the reality is, closure is not some magic pill that will take away any pain. You will still feel the same no matter how much closure you get. When your mind starts reeling about her you need to take control of your thoughts and force yourself to think about something else. Do not replay your memories with her in your head like a skitzo, its very unhealthy. Just try to think about something random or even what you are looking at.

 

The key is to look positively at your future and your ability to accomplish your goals. I know you are thinking right now that none of it is worth it without her in the picture, but thats all the crazy emotions/hormones in you talking. Focus and move on buddy, do not have any contact with her anymore. Do not ask her friends about her, do no ask your friends about her. I gurantee in a few months when you are feeling better about everything you are going to slap yourself on the forehead and say, "ughh i can't believe i acted that way". Everyone does it!

[damage3907]

I feel your pain Redsox! I too am going through a painful split with my fiancee and it is tough brother! I think loosing a significant other is the hardest thing that we as human beings can experience in our lives! Outside of being homeless or the death of one of my children I cannot imagine anything being harder to bear than this! I know it's difficult, but you are a young dude and you have your whole life ahead of you! I know that doesn't help with the way you are feeling now, but one thing you can bank on for sure is that this will all get better with time!

 

Someday you will find somebody new who will make you forget all about her and you will then understand why things did not work out with her the way you had hoped! No offense, but she sounds very immature and selfish based on what she has posted on her facebook page! Keep expressing your feelings on this site and stay connected to your family! You're going to make it bro! We've all got each others backs in here! I know that for myself these threads have helped me immensely! Best of luck to you!

[Redsox2545]

Thank you all with your kind words and advice.

 

Gee, I will take you up on your offer. To everyone else, Thank you.

 

I will continue to post on here. I will post back here later tonight or tomorrow when I have some free time.

 

Please, I need you guys to help me get through this seeing how I'm at a new college with no friends and my one leftover friend from high school just went back to school at Virginia Tech.