PrincessBOT Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 It doesn't bother me to be alone. The thought of being alone forever doesn't faze me or make me sad, as matter of fact I accept it. I have family members and see highschool friends on link removed and link removed in relationships, that are or recently got married and with their children. I used to ache and long for my own. I used to ach and long for someone to spend time with, to confide in, to lay my head on his chest, to think of a future with. At some point and I am not sure, but I recognized and I am just now putting it into words that I don't feel anything, I feel like I should, but I don't anymore. I don't think about men, intimacy, dating, love, affection, children, marriage in any way except for brief moments and in passing or coming upon reminders, but it is very brief. It's a very dull sunken feeling, but it never surfaces and I don't dwell on it equating to me feeling nothing. That in and of it self is sad, but I don't feel it. I guess what I mean to say is I don't feel sad or bothered, I am content and happy, which is sad because life is meant to spend with someone and I would imagine that it is so much more fulfilling with desire, hope and in the end having included these things. What does it mean to not feel anything anymore? Link to comment
beejcee Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 hi princess -- a lot of people become obsessed with finding someone and it becomes the focus of their whole lives and they put everything else on hold. i actually think you sound like you are a very self-aware person. you realize that there IS more to life than finding that perfect one person. don't get me wrong -- having someone really special is wonderful but it can also be very painful if things aren't working the way you want them to work out. i say cheers to you for getting to this state of awareness. but watch out -- once you stop being desperate about it, you often grab the attention of someone wonderful! good for you! Link to comment
dreamwarrior Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Everything has a season...don't worry friend, when the time is right it will happen and not before...btw you are spending time with someone very special and that is YOU! Enjoy it....!! smiles to you Link to comment
Kinetics Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 If you truly love people, why only share it with one person? I began to think like this because I got tired of focusing on trying to share my love and happiness with only a particular person. I haven't given up yet, but I do have that same dull moments when things are on the low side. Perhaps it was my parent's Christian upbringing that I am philanthrophic...I like to do things to make the people I care about become happy, even just a little bit. I think the difference with marriage is you are doing that for one single person (and well, more than one if you include the children). The way I see it, if there ever won't be that one single person, might as well share it with everyone I care, because that's all there is left to do. Link to comment
rbr85 Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 This sounds very characteristic of depression. Perhaps, I'd talk to a therapist. Link to comment
cruzer Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I am content and happy Maybe im wrong, but i think this means when that person comes into your life, u will be ready for them because ur happy with your life as it is, they will only add to that happiness. I know i have read on these forums people saying u need to be happy and enjoy being alone before u can be happy with someone. If i had to say something bad about this, i would say it might be harder for you to let someone into your life? since your so used to being alone? Link to comment
PrincessBOT Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 This sounds very characteristic of depression. Perhaps, I'd talk to a therapist. The things is I don't feel depressed, I am busy and happy/content most of the time. But when I take a few moments to think about it ( I always allot myself time to think about it and past relationships and what I learned about me) I feel a dull something. I can't quite explain the dull feeling, but I think of how sad I used to think it was for someone to go through their life without a partner. Sometimes at most I am a little lonely, but it quickly passes. I would say this happens once every few weeks, in between I am fine. Although I don't feel sad about it, I think it's sad because I have no motivation. However, I do have faith that God has plan for my life though and if that includes a partner than it will be. Still weird not to feel anything though, almost like I gave up and that sort of scares me because I fear I will live to regret it. Mainly because although God has a plan I'd have to follow his will and I don't feel I'm doing that in the love category. Link to comment
waveseer Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I feel exactly the same way except it doesn't bother me at all. Life is good, why find something to feel bad about? Link to comment
PrincessBOT Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 I feel exactly the same way except it doesn't bother me at all. Life is good, why find something to feel bad about? Lol, that's a great way to put. Never thought about it that way. I mean it bothers me that it doesn't bother me, that's not right. Link to comment
stella74 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I feel the same way - very content and happy at being alone and not really bothered about it, even in those moments when I feel a bit lonely. I don't really feel any sadness about being single or any strong motivation to be in a relationship, although it would be nice if that happens. I'd say you sound very mature and healthy - it seems you've come to a place of acceptance about where you are in life and who you are. The only thing to be concerned about is the "dull" feeling. That could be a sign that you're numbing some feeling, such as anger or sadness. If you think that might be the case, I'd suggest talking to a friend you really trust to see if you can figure it out. Or you might even consider talking to a therapist, just to make sure the dull feeling isn't a sign of depression. You need to make sure that you aren't pushing people away who might be interested in dating you. Link to comment
tkdfan Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I just feel empty most of the time, and the rest of it I feel really sad and depressed about being single. Link to comment
PrincessBOT Posted January 17, 2009 Author Share Posted January 17, 2009 You need to make sure that you aren't pushing people away who might be interested in dating you. That is a concern for me, part of my happiness comes from knowing that there is no one, no relationship that can go bad. Which means I am not in danger of going through that kind of confusion and hurt anytime soon. When I date I see them as potential heart aches and if even one thing goes wrong while dating or I don't like something that I could see being problem, I think it's not worth it. We may or may not continue to talk as associates and I'm fine either way. Basically instead of potential partners I see them as potential heartache and pain. I figure the one who I am willing to take that risk for will be worth it , but I haven't met him yet. Link to comment
PrincessBOT Posted January 17, 2009 Author Share Posted January 17, 2009 I just feel empty most of the time, and the rest of it I feel really sad and depressed about being single. These feelings are normal in the beginning. How long have you been single? Link to comment
stella74 Posted January 18, 2009 Share Posted January 18, 2009 It sounds like you're in a self-protective mode right now. That explains the "dull" feeling you have. You might be numbing yourself so you won't be hurt, but then you're also closing off your heart. It might help to realize that you're still in a state of healing. Once you're feeling ready to trust again, the dull feeling will probably go away. Link to comment
tkdfan Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 These feelings are normal in the beginning. How long have you been single? 20 years. To be honest for most of that time it's not really bothered me about being alone, but in the past couple of years or so, I've felt the desire for a partner, and have been trying online dating, with no success whatsoever. I'm introverted as well, so have difficulty approaching women anyway. Link to comment
Kinetics Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 I see...as Stella pointed out, you probably still need time to pan things out. I'm used to it when I feel dull. You ask someone out, the other person may or may not be interested, it's that simple. I don't have a good batting average so I'm used to being rejected. I'm not going to give myself the benefit of the doubt that this person will change their feelings over time. It might happen, but I am not going to stick around for that. Life is too short to be focused on one thing forever. That is a concern for me, part of my happiness comes from knowing that there is no one, no relationship that can go bad. Which means I am not in danger of going through that kind of confusion and hurt anytime soon. When I date I see them as potential heart aches and if even one thing goes wrong while dating or I don't like something that I could see being problem, I think it's not worth it. We may or may not continue to talk as associates and I'm fine either way. Basically instead of potential partners I see them as potential heartache and pain. I figure the one who I am willing to take that risk for will be worth it , but I haven't met him yet. Link to comment
Mr.Zombie Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 Yeah I feel the same way. The last time I dated or had a girlfriend was over 6 years ago. I don't care anymore. I have no desire to get married, I don't want to have kids. I might date someday, but it's not a big priority. Link to comment
Gray Fox Posted January 24, 2009 Share Posted January 24, 2009 I know exactly what u mean. For me 95% of the time Im comfortable and happy with being alone. I must admit the other 5% can be painful but u get use to it. Enjoy life as much as possible forget the bad live in the good. Link to comment
PrincessBOT Posted January 25, 2009 Author Share Posted January 25, 2009 20 years. To be honest for most of that time it's not really bothered me about being alone, but in the past couple of years or so, I've felt the desire for a partner, and have been trying online dating, with no success whatsoever. I'm introverted as well, so have difficulty approaching women anyway. Wow 20 years! This could very well be me. So did you ever have a relationship or relationships and if so did you figure it would be the last one? Were you hurt? For me even thought I feel this way, I don't feel like it was my decision. I feel like I am in this state of as result of events that put me here. I don't place blame or fault, but I also don't feel like I just decided to be alone and be okay with it. I learned to be okay with it. Link to comment
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