Oh me, what am I gonna do?

[AesSedai]

This is a long story, but I will try to shorten it.

 

Me and this "guy" (let's call him Michael, I'd really hate for him to find this) became the best of friends around 2003. We were inseparable for the next 3 years, and I mean inseparable. We were like a married couple without the sex, haha. And I know the way people look at these guy/girl friendships, they're sometimes a disaster waiting to happen, and I guess, in some cases they are right. Me and "Michael" had never had any feelings for each other (or at least none that were spoken of, and there weren't any on my part.) In 2006, I went to the beach with him and his family for about 5 days. I was in the process of getting back together with an idiot who had broken my heart into a million pieces (a very dumb move on my part, but you know how those things go) and "Michael" hated the guy, of course. On the last day before we went back home, "Michael" tried to kiss me. It was enough of an "attempt" that I knew that's what he was trying to do, but taking into consideration the way it happened, it was on the half-@$$ side, so it was easy to pretend like it never happened. It was never discussed either, because like I said, there was basically nothing to discuss. I never felt awkward around him about it either. He and I got back from the beach and everything went back to wonderful normal. Later that year (2006) he started going a different school, one of the IB's, and now he is a horribly different person. He's 2 years younger than me, but was always very smart, and was always able to have awesome conversations with me about anything, and we were able to always match each other one for one in the intellectual department, but now, since he's been going to that school, he's started treating me like I'm some sort of uneducated ape. I'm glad he's going to IB in a way, it's a great school, but I didn't expect to him to take on all the characteristics of what he feels is the IB's definition of an "intellectual." I know this isn't him "growing," no one can "grow" and be this ridiculous. He won't even hardly talk to me anymore. My dad died in April of 2007 and he didn't even hardly have two words to say to me, and this was only about 9 months after we went to the beach together!! Like I said, he's made himself into what he thinks a person with an IB mind should be, and he's listed "The Fountainhead" as one of his favorite books now, so maybe he thinks I'm one of those people who "Don't count." I know you're thinking that I should'nt even be worrying about this whole deal, he's a jerk, and I should find other friends, but if you knew "Michael" you would see that something has got to be done, and he's got to WAKE UP. I can't get through to him though. He would rather die than damage his pride, and to concede and tell me that he's been a real @$$ since he left for IB is beyond his capabilities. Sometimes, people only come into our lives to teach a lesson or some other purpose, and then they usually go, whether we want them to or not, I know, but he was too important to me for me to just dismiss this as a life-lesson and get over it. I can't. He was like a brother to me.

 

Over the past two years, I've speculated that maybe he feels embarrassed or like a fool because he tried to kiss me, and didn't get much of anything in return, but like I said, it was a vague enough attempt that it was basically nothing, and he and I were fine when we got back home, and it wasn't as if I knew he liked me the whole time we were friends and kept rejecting him--nothing like that. The night the "kiss" happened, that day I was giving girls on the beach his number. But like I said, his pride is an untouchable thing, even for himself. I just wish I could get things to go back to the way they were, I suppose. I miss him like crazy. Any ideas on how I should approach him, if I should at all?

[jettison]

This isn't going to right itself. If he was into you for that long and was just willing to be a friend and nothing more even though he liked you much more then that then it's not just going to suddenly disappear now. His ego was in play, and his ego got torched.

 

So even if you reconciled, the foundation is rather worthless. He sees you as a serious mate, and you see him as a friend. I can understand that you miss your friendship, but your friendship wasn't based on what you thought it was. In a sense, you're missing something that wasn't there.

 

I'd suggest moving on from this one and not looking back. It will sting, but you'll make better, stronger friendships that don't have this dynamic in play to worry about. It will serve you both in that sense.

[AesSedai]

But we had gone for 3 years as best friends without any "feelings" interfering. He had girlfriends, I had boyfriends... I just don't know. Still, that doesn't give him any reason to treat me like I'm a nonentity in respect to the whole IB thing. I think we had a wonderful foundation, an awesome friendship, that is why I want to save it so bad. We fit each other in every way possible, we even played music together. He's let himself become a canned product, though, and I don't think I could deal with this new "Michael." Sometimes I think that maybe I could have an actual relationship with him, in light of everything about the friendship, the love was definitely there, and I've always thought he was very good-looking. Of course, around the time this all came to a head, I was still kind of a giggly school girl about relationships and stuff, and didn't really have any realistic ideas about REAL relationships, but all that tends to change once you've had your teeth kicked in a few times, haha. The way he was with me fits the mold for what I'm looking in a "serious mate" (I like your term, haha), but like I said, he's changed a lot.. and not for the best. Thank you for your advice. I think you're right, no matter how bad I want him back in my life. Ever heard the song "Against all odds" by Phil Collins? That's this situation all over, haha.

[Mr Miagi]

Well, thought Id reply from a blokes perspective.

 

Over the past two years, I've speculated that maybe he feels embarrassed or like a fool because he tried to kiss me, and didn't get much of anything in return, but like I said, it was a vague enough attempt that it was basically nothing, and he and I were fine when we got back home, and it wasn't as if I knew he liked me the whole time we were friends and kept rejecting him--nothing like that. The night the "kiss" happened, that day I was giving girls on the beach his number.

 

First, im sure he did feel like a fool. No matter how half hearted the attempt might have seemed to you, he still made it, you shot it down (even if not intentional), and I know I would be embarrassed. Im sure he didnt feel it was nothing. Fine when you got back home? Maybe he did see it as rejection? People have different interpretations of things that go on in life. It depends on who's side your looking at the situation from! ie. all this has a flip side, and thats his. And I think from reading your post you brushed away something he felt was a little more serious than you did at the time. Thats not your problem though, the power of hindsight I guess.

 

I think now, if he wants any sort of relationship with you, it must be up to him to make a move.

 

BTW, I would be flattered if my female companions gave my number to other women, its a clear compliment, but if I wanted them, I wouldnt care if it was Megan Fox who was given my number.

[AesSedai]

Haha yeah, it definitely was half-hearted.. in fact, I bet if I described exactly what happened, you'd probably think that wasn't what it was at all. But yeah, we were absolutely fine when we got back; he and his family went somewhere else about a week after that which I wasn't invited to (it was a family thing) but he'd call me or talk to me on the internet and say that he wished I could've gone and just normal friends things like that.

 

As for him making the "first move We hadn't talked to each other at ALL for the last 8 months and about 3 weeks ago he just IMed me out of the blue. The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference, and you know how someone acts when they don't give a crap about you? That is not the way he acts. He has taken up this facade of "indifference" that is so forced that it almost borderlines on cruel. That's my problem. I know he's gotta want some form of something with me, or else he wouldn't keep stringing me along like this, but I don't know how to get through to him and I can't keep pouring my feelings out to him like a fool, though I think that is what he's looking for me to do every time this happens. When we first drifted apart, I didn't make it any secret that I wanted him back in my life, and I think in a way he enjoys that. That's why he goes forever without talking to me, then all of sudden shakes my monkey tree again out of NOWHERE--to see if I'm still pining over him. When my dad died, he made it a point to not be there at all. I don't think he was reveling in the fact that "HAHA, HER DAD DIED, SHE'S MISERABLE!!" but I think he kind of enjoyed the fact that he wasn't there when I needed him most. You would think that he's trying to get me back for something horrible I did to him, but I never "rejected" him (you know the story) and I was as great a friend to him as I could possibly be.

 

Thanks for your advice. I guess he has "made a move" but we're back to the same ol' stalemate again.