Boyfriend's manipulative mom.

[loveismusic]

Ok, I'll try to make this as short as possible.

 

I have been dating my boyfriend for two years and his mother will not stop interfering in our relationship. I'm 22 and he is 20. Whenever she finds out we have plans, she makes him do chores, starts a fight, or guilts him.

 

After six months together, she made him choose and when he told her he wouldn't she kicked him out. We lived together in an apartment for a while and then with another one of his family members until he decided to try and go back home.

 

The same crap that she pulled in the beginning, she is pulling again now. She makes cracks about me and makes double-sided comments to my face. She plays games constantly pretending to like me and then blaming everything that goes wrong between her and her son on our relationship. Tonight it was that we're "too needy." And now we're not going to see each other for two days.

 

I am respectful of her (and to her) because that is his mother. I would never ask him to neglect his family for me, nor would I be happy if he did. I have never been rude to her, even when she has screamed in my face. I see myself with my boyfriend longterm. I really love him and I am beyond sick of her trying to mess things up.

 

I've been there for him when she hasn't. I am a big aprt of his life, too, and I deserve to be treated with as much respect as she expects from me. He isn't 15 anymore. It's time for her to stop with the jealousy and stupid catty games.

 

But if she doesn't, what do *I* do?

 

Any advice is welcome.

Sorry it was so long.

[schizo]

Wow. That's a tough situation. It's hard when a significant other's family member is't accepting of you.

 

The only thing I can think of, is that you should try and have a one on one talk with his mom. I'm sure this would be very hard and awkward, but you really just need to ask her, "Hey, what is your problem with me?" Explain to her how much you love her son, and want to be with him, and maybe she'll come around.

 

You should probably talk to your boyfriend about not giving in to her when she tries to manipulate him out of the relationship. He's old enough to be out on his own and take care of himself, and he should. He needs to show his mom that he's not a little boy anymore, and is capable of making his own decisions.

 

Good luck

[mellybelly]

I agree with schizo. Maybe try going out to dinner with the mom, just the two of you to try and clear things up, to show that you really care and want things to be smooth between you. All you can do is try and be the best girlfriend that you can be, and if the mother continues to be unaccepting, it's her issue.

[loveismusic]

His mother has had two strokes and her behavior is very erratic. I tried going up to her to talk once and she flipped out and started screaming. I think that's part of what makes this so hard. She's totally irrational.

 

BUT... it may be worth another shot.

I really appreciate the support/input. Thanks, guys