4 months later(a chronicle)...

[brent642]

...so in a day it's going to be my 4 month mark of the breakup. i thought i'd post this here for all the newcomers to see/learn from my mistakes and for some feedback in general. i'll try to keep it as brief as possible and at least maybe add a pinch of some humor sprinkled throughout for your entertainment. I just want you to know this is a loooooong post. You've been warned. It documents in great detail what I personally experienced as one of the most brutal lessons in my life, that of heartbreak. So enjoy!

 

i joined ENA back in early october...the breakup was mid september...and i was devastated to say the least. i'm young, i just turned 20 shortly after this dumping, and my gf(she's 17 currently) of 2.5 years broke up with me stating the whole "ILYBNILWY", and "no passion","relationship is boring", "felt more like friends than just bf and gf" bullsht.

 

the summary of our relationship: she was my first love but she wasn't my first girl I had been with..i didn't really "date" before her(just went to parties ect...)...so technically i was her first "real" bf and her my gf. by this i mean "real" as in serious for a relationship ie. seeing each other all the time...

 

...needless to say we fell head over heels for each other, just imagine a fairytale-like beginning filled with rainbows and unicorns...you get the point...it was perfect, and looking back on it some of the happiest moments in my life. We were MADLY in love. Oh, and i should also mention we were both each others "firsts" as far as sex goes. Our parents loved us. It was awesome! The longest we've ever been apart since we've been together has been about 1.5 weeks and that was uncommon...usually 2-3 days is a long time apart for us. When I say we saw each other all the time, I mean ALL the time haha...everyday. We talked about marriage, kids names, the whole works...you can use your imagination. Looking back I'm sure this is typical of MANY relationships that many of us think will never end. But guess what they do end and it can or will happen to you! Learn from my mistakes haha.

 

By midway through, a little after a 1.5 year mark, we started to see each others flaws...granted they were easily overlooked but still flaws. Very gradually my open-minded girl started to become OBSESSED with making her mom and friend's happy...suddenly that was the most important thing in her life. If her mom or friends were upset with her, then she 90% of the time would cry her eyes out. Getting good grades and making people like her was her obsession. She never liked to go out or party with people unless she had already known them really well prior. She had always been sort of a sociophobe but nothing like this. This is odd considering she used to party a lot. Drink, smoke, weed, mushrooms...yeah she was out there. It was a complete switch. Again, looking back I slowly saw this amazing girl I fell in love with changing on me.

 

 

...this honeymoon phase continued for some 2 years. It was only up until the last 6 months that things started to change considerablly. I could tell she was getting very used to me. Slowly but surely, she wasn't so "crazy" about me...my sex life went to sht...once a month i'd say(it gradually tapered off)...and as far as cuddling/snuggling went or making out...very minimal...her excuse was she "just didn't need it as much as i did"...and being the man that i am i chocked it up to testosterone and didn't think much of it...but in my gut, i KNEW that wasn't the truth...but i trusted her, i really really did. Mistake #1 DIDN'T TRUST MY HEAD. I trusted my heart, which ironically enough is dumb as a brick.

 

Roll ahead about a month or two before the breakup...we started having relationship bumps, nothing serious just "bumps". Let me just say now that we hardly ever fought in the relationship so these bumps were what average people see as nothing more than commonplace arguments. She just wasn't used to them I suppose. Anyways, no matter what i did I COULD NOT make her happy. It was as if anything I did was just not good enough for her. Crazy, right? In this time she also started dropping very subtle hints about things possibly not working out. Looking back I was completely oblivious to these hints. Mistake #2: NEVER ONCE DID I THINK SHE WOULD BREAK UP WITH ME, EVER. I NEVER SAW IT COMING AT THE TIME. NEVER GET TOO COMFORTABLE IN A RELATIONSHIP! I've also learned from other relationships since the breakup that many women(at least in my experience and others) are experts at dropping indirect very subtle hints about many many different things. Just some food for thought. Moving on...

 

A week or two before the breakup she requests to "go on a break" and that "I don't want to break up with you, I really don't. I know when girls say they wanna go on a break they wanna break up but I think we see each other too much and the time apart will do us good. We should only talk on the phone, if at all. Is that ok with you?"

 

So we started the break...and I messed up BIG TIME. Instead of obeying her NC rules I couldn't resist. Only a day passed after initiating the break I contacted her. So from then on I just saw her "less than I usually do". I say this meaning instead of seeing her 5-7 days a week. I saw her maybe 3-5. Regardless, the breakup was rapidly approaching and i didn't keep my word of NC towards her. I had broken the agreement, and for that i was damned. Mistake #3: WHEN A PARTNER WANTS TO GO ON A BREAK OBEY THEIR TERMS!

 

So...here we are in the last week. i noticed she was fairly distant towards me, but then again her cat of 11 years just died and school just started for her so i thought it was just simply stress...certainly not me or so i had thought. Now maybe looking back I would've thought by now "hey maybe i should get my sht together and think about my situation"...but i didn't. Why? Well, confusing as it was...a week exactly before the breakup she leaves me a comment on myspace saying "I love you."...which is NOT something she has done for quite some time...definitely not since the honeymoon phase. Happily, I commented back with a cute "I love you too, babycakes."...i had thought i was still in somewhat of a clear, nothing to worry about right?

 

Well, later that week she happily, and rather lovingly told me she was going away with her family camping. This is a common event for them. I usually come but this week I had decided not to. It's not unusual for me not to come, but they don't mind if I don't since all they do is shop and stuff...it's rather boring. They understand. The thing is before she left(the last day I saw her as a gf) i came over her house to hang out...we just sat on her porch bored. She hardly said a word the whole time. She was very quiet. Being as bored as I was I had decided to leave. I got up, said bye...and then I heard her. "Wait, aren't you going to kiss me?", she says with a sad voice. I can't remember what I said. I think I just said yeah and leaned in to kiss her with very little affection in my kiss(like the kind where your lips just meet and hardly suck). I was still really pissed about her attitude and distance in the relationship at this point so I really felt no reason to lovingly kiss her. I was tired of her dramatic bs and i was putting my foot down. It was one of those kisses that is just like a lip toucher and not really a kiss "kiss" I was in no mood for a kiss. She could tell I was pissed at her and with that final kiss was the last time I had any physical contact with her, period.

 

You would think that would end it,right? Later, that night we talk on the phone. "Hey, call me Sunday! That's when I get back, ok?!" I love you! Bye!", she said very jubilantly. Sunday came. I never called. My sleep from school had messed up my brain. I had been sleeping all day and staying up all night. She wouldn't mind, right? She did say she wanted a break. The next day I wake up to receive a rather angry voicemail. "I've been home for 2 hours! Why haven't you called! I love you. Bye."...this was later followed by a another voicemail or two. All pretty angry.

 

So right then and there I decided to call her. But wait she's in school at this time? I'll just take a nap. I wake up later that afternoon. I check my cell. 4 missed calls, 1 voicemail. She's angry. I call her. "I'm so sorry. My sleep has been so messed up." blahblahblah....then when i'm finished she replies..."Do you still love me?", in an asking tone... "Of course I do", i say. "I want to break up." Bam. That was it.

 

Remember, I had just woken up...and being so I was very out of it when i was speaking to her so my emotions were on the high. I started crying, not bawling but crying. To top it all off i had a massive panic attack. we talked on the phone for a long time. i'd say an hour at least maybe 2 hours. "we could just break up or go on another break for two weeks, it's your call" she said. i was too mentally out of it to answer...i started talking more and avoided the question. later, i say let's go with the 2 week break option. she declines. what? I thought i had 2 options. I guess the crying did it haha. I was begging and pleading too which didn't help. now it's over. i'm fcked.

 

last chance brent...so i feed her a bunch of mopey sht about romantics...you know the whole "you're the one" speech. long story short: she cries saying "i didn't know you felt that way about me...i'll call you back later tonight I need some time to think. Don't get your hopes up, there's still a possibility I might say no". Whatever, I did not care. I was fairly positive she would say yes to taking me back. so in the meantime i go out and pick up some new clothes at the mall... later that night i eagerly call her back(i lie and say i had a missed call from her, I JUST COULD NOT WAIT)...she picks up and says something along the lines of "Hey, I was just about to call you. I was on the phone with B****(her best friend) but anyways...no...sorry...i would only be taking you back out of pity and not because i wanted to"... at that moment something came over me. i had accepted the breakup by this time, no more tears, i'm laughing, agreeing with her decision, we talk on the phone for about 1.5 hours...she's laughing, we're both joking about stuff, she starts saying stuff like "my mom and dad were always breaking up every six months and look at them now. We're probably gonna be just like them. This is definitely going to be the beginning of a better stronger relationship between both of us. Hey, would you wanna go on a date a week from now? Don't go dating anymore immediately that's just rude because I wouldn't do that to you! I think we shouldn't speak for a few days you know...it'd be weird, but after that is fine. Hey, you can still come over for dinner and stuff from time to time..."...

 

 

what do you think i said? I basically gave her mixed signals. It was time for her to play my game now. "I don't know, C****(her name). Maybe, I'll think about it. I don't see why not." We even discussed the when and where of the date...all the details included. She had school the next day and had to get to bed. Happily, we both said goodnight. I fell asleep that night expecting her to come crying back to me in the next week or so...I was confident she would realize what she had done.

 

 

The next five days go by without any contact and I'm utterly devastated. I began researching online how to get her back. The only contact I have with her at this time are her myspace bulletins and every now and then i'll see her on instant messenger...but never do we exchange conversations. During this first week, I'm reading her myspace bulletins constantly. What is really strange is that she wasn't one to post bulletins before this whole breakup thing. She used to post every now and then but not like this. Considering she only had a few friends, I'm the only one that would read them...and she knows that....she was purposely posting them for me( i feel like 80% sure of this). She was posting them a lot now. As I would read these little "survey" bulletin things she would speak a lot about how she was upset, depressed, guilty, and regrettful. The only thing I thought was really odd is that she tried to make it seem like she had been busy ever since the breakup and her life had been dandy. It wasn't complete exagerattion, not yet at least. I knew she was lying about the whole "i'm estatic with my life", "i'm doing amazing" in my life. Complete crap, and I knew it. I'll soon tell you why. In this period of NC my brother encounters her at school and tells me she went up to him out of nowhere and started talking about me "hey i hope brent doesn't hate me. I really hope he can be friends. Tell Brent plasma donations are now worth $70."...why add the plasma donation thing? unless it was a tactic to get me talking to her? just small talk really.

 

So finally I break NC on the fifth day...i see her on instant messenger and just say a simple "hey just so you know i'm not ignoring you", to which she replies "i know"...to be perfectly honest that's all i wanted to say. I had no intention of starting a conversation with her, i just wanted to let her know i wasn't ignoring her and trying to avoid her or something childish like that. Mistake #4 NEVER BREAK NC! I REGRET THIS! MY MIND TRICKED ME FOR A REASON TO TALK TO HER!

 

Then, totally unexpectedly, she starts initiating conversation with me, actually talking back, laughing, joking, talking about all sorts of things...i was pretty happy about all this. Mistake #5 NEVER GET YOUR HOPES UP! ALWAYS KEEP HOPE BUT DON'T RELIE ON IT! So then I decide to lie...i figure i'll test her...see how much she really wants to talk to me.

i tell her i'm gonna leave and that it was nice talking to her...she says ok, yeah you too. bye. then a minute or two passes...and...

"oh wait! did skyler tell you plasma donations are $70?"

yeah,actually he did.

"oh,ok"

...thus proceeded us talking again for about another 20 minutes. eventually we both signed off and i was pretty happy about the whole thing.

 

 

This was one of the last few times I saw my once girlfriend as a "normal" human being. The very next day, not even a week after the split, she does a complete 180. I think this was because of the fact that I had been flirting with a really gorgeous girl on myspace that night after my conversation with my ex...basically I'll spare you the details and simply say she went over the deep end, my ex that is haha. she starts flirting with all her ex bf's, not to mention other random guys ALL accross facebook, myspace, ect...clearly in plain view of something I would have to see. She KNEW 100% that I would see this sht spread out in front of me in plain view. There is no question about it. To top it off she had been insulting me, spreading bogus rumors about me to sabotage my future relationships, and rubbing everything she possibly could in my face to make me either sad and/or angry. In either case, it worked. I was both. As a countermeasure my brain told my heart to shut down and pull the plug on the emotions I still had for her. As I side-effect I cut ANY AND ALL contact with her. I was severed.

 

My story is almost over lol i'm sorry for the looong read. I know it's detailed but it's not that bad, right? So now it's almost 4 months after the fact. How have I been you may ask? Well, for starters...I can function. I can honestly live my life and have fun, do things, whatever...but in the back of my mind I still have A LOT of pain...a real lot...but I deal with it. I honestly feel like maybe someday all the pain will go away, but until then I live a decent life. I've dated women in the meantime. Nothing serious. I rather just enjoy being single, hitting up parties, living the college life. I have been pure NC for about 2 months and before that extremely limited LC for another 2. Out of the few times I have contacted her she has always responded promptly either via text or phone...But what about her you might ask?

 

 

Well, she rebounded with a brett(yes, weird i know) not even 3 weeks after the breakup to only break up with him another 3 week in for reasons "not working out", "no connection","got involved to fast",ect. i guess. Then probably, I don't know this for a fact but I'm guessing she hopping into another relationship shortly after that one fell apart with a Brent(now that is just tooooo weird). I think they've been going out for close to 2 months give or take. She ignores anyone affiliated with me in any way. She's even convinced her mom and friends to start treating me and my family like lepars. I haven't really seen her that much in person. Maybe once or twice really here and there. She ignores my brother in school to the point where she makes it hilariously obvious she's trying to look around and make it seem like she doesn't even notice him. How childish haha. don't think she's contacted me once personally since the breakup. Well, maybe once...long story short: I owed her money, did pay her, and the mooch came after me to collect her $$$...if you wanna call that initiative contact...I don't lol.

 

 

I'm done. Hope you enjoyed haha. There's MUCH MUCH MORE but I'm sure you don't wanna hear all that boring stuff. There you have it. That's the gist of it. Feedback is always appreciated and just as important I hope I was able to give some of you out there, especially newcomers, a bold new perspective on the nature of a serious legitimate breakup. I know for a fact ENA has helped me tremendously since I joined way back when. Without this forum I surely would have been greatly more lost than I once was. I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart. Much love.

[life_hard]

yeah, stay strong and learn from it, you're still young and many many more relaitonships to come in your life, so don't let this drag on too much.. it will past, seriously, marriage and kids and getting serious at your age is too young, your life hasn't even started yet! Take some time off and figure things out... this will all make you a very strong and interesting person...just remember to be strong...

[SighSob]

Hahahah I found your post quite funny! And our stories are pretty similar (well I guess all breakups look the same...)...