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It just keeps getting better :)

HopeArises

By HopeArises
in Getting Back Together

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HopeArises Enthusiast

HopeArises

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Well, another great and successful night with my ex. She made me supper at her place and we spent the rest of the time snuggling, kissing and laughing on her bed. It feels like old times but so much better (without the pressure, tension, stress and worries)... I ended the night after 3 hours and she didn't want me to go....haha..

 

She's off on her first business trip this Thursday and is coming back for 3 days next week. She asked me if she could see me then!!!! I told her sure and I said have a safe flight on Thursday. She then said, I hope we can talk before that!!

 

Anyways, she wants back in, but we're taking it slow, but we both know where it's going...

 

Feeling good and I've officially lost 44 pounds baby!!

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HopeArises Enthusiast

HopeArises

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I've been following your story. It really gives me hope that as long as I can work on bettering myself and just back off a bit that I can get things to work out.

 

Congrats man seems like everythings working out real nice.

 

I have to admit, tonight it actually hit me like a lightning bolt that all MY hard work has paid off. When I was kissing her and she was kissing me BACK I almost couldn't believe that we were doing this. 1.5 months ago I had NO MORE hope, but I promised myself that I would NOT react and kill ALL chances if I were to have one with her again someday.

 

The point is, one must ALWAYS use your head in a situation like this. Let your heart be present, but your head should be driving the car until you are sure you are headed in the right direction. Meaning, never let your emotions rule you and end up killing ALL chances you MAY very well have in the future.

 

I PROMISE you friends that she was DEAD SERIOUS about never wanting to come back to me when she left me. Things have seriously changed and I'm happy. Oh am I happy!

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HopeArises Enthusiast

HopeArises

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That's really great Hope. Sounds like things are going very well, and it's particularly great that you have improved so much. On the recent no text back, I've decided you can't read too much into things like that. Particularly when you're on the road you're on now.

 

You're absolutely right. She's probably just playing a little hard to get and there's nothing wrong with that ..

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nhanxsolo Newbie

nhanxsolo

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Hey OP, I've been reading up on your story from past posts. It seems you are my idol and a perfect example of who I want to be right now. I got a lot from your story, but I was wondering if you don't mind checking out my thread and posting some advice customized for my situation. Thanks a lot man!

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HopeArises Enthusiast

HopeArises

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Thanks for the kind words, but what I've been doing is nothing to idolize. We all have it in us. It's a matter of thinking of the OTHER person and not acting like we're the victim. If we see things from our EX'S perspective, we start understanding WHY they are doing what they're doing and we can then use our HEADS and not only our EMOTIONS to guide us in the right direction.

 

It's all about respecting other people's space and boundaries and not trying to impose OUR needs and feelings onto them. It's about being more tolerant, patient, understanding, agreeable and independent.

 

We all have the power to HOLD BACK and not come accross as needy, clingy and desperate for attention. All of you can act light at the drop of the dime if you had to and this situation you find yourselves in, REQUIRES you to do just that, but so many people choose the easy way out, by declaring YOUR OWN feelings and putting it ALL out on the table. When that's done, it's only done for YOU and NOT for your ex. For your ex, that is PRESSURE and SELFISH. Time to start using your heads and do the opposite of that.

 

This is NOT magic. It's about respecting others and respecting yourself at the same time.

 

NC is ONLY useful if you TRULY cannot get a hold of your emotions when in contact with your ex, which is VERY anti-seductive. I have had some success with my ex, because I understand this and am able to apply it when in contact with my ex. This in turn makes your ex feel more comfortable around you and when you are confident, patient and independent, they no longer feel they have to keep running in the opposite direction. Their defenses are automatically lowered and you then can be the person who you REALLY are and not a shadow of who you THINK you've become.

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nhanxsolo Newbie

nhanxsolo

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Hey I just got off the phone with my ex (soooo weird to be calling her that) and I told her everything I've picked up from these forums. She sounds much happier this time on the phone than she was yesterday when I talked to her. I even made her laugh. She's coming up tomorrow to hang out and watch a movie. I hope this works out for me as it did you. I really hope I don't get stuck in the FRIEND ZONE and she finds someone else........

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Fitchik Rookie

Fitchik

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Could not have been stated better! I too had to get control of my emotions and let my head do my thinking. This is working out for me as well. One day at a time..one step at a time. Being in the moment and not fretting over the future. Not being the victim, is KEY to regaining successful contact. That will only push them away further. Well done Hope...Well done!

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HopeArises Enthusiast

HopeArises

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Could not have been stated better! I too had to get control of my emotions and let my head do my thinking. This is working out for me as well. One day at a time..one step at a time. Being in the moment and not fretting over the future. Not being the victim, is KEY to regaining successful contact. That will only push them away further. Well done Hope...Well done!

 

One day at a time and being the in the moment is what it is ALL about. Think about it. When we met our ex's for the very first time, were we chasing them and trying make them fall in love with us, or were we going with the flow and playing kind of hard to get and taking things slow and if it worked out with this NEW person, GREAT! If it didn't, oh well! That was the attitude that essentially one them over initially. Why CHANGE that successful formula? DON'T.

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EQD Collaborator

EQD

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successful formula....

i can't help but get this vibe from all your threads... like you are simply playing a game to win instead of..... being yourself.

i do recognize you are trying very hard to get this to work out, but you sound like a manual, and less like a person.

you'd have to question if she isnt simply just falling for your 'dance' and games.. or if its really about you and who you are.

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zrehman Collaborator

zrehman

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successful formula....

i can't help but get this vibe from all your threads... like you are simply playing a game to win instead of..... being yourself.

i do recognize you are trying very hard to get this to work out, but you sound like a manual, and less like a person.

you'd have to question if she isnt simply just falling for your 'dance' and games.. or if its really about you and who you are.

 

I actually agree with this theory. The dumper dumps the dumpee because of who they (dumpee) are in the relationship.

 

If you act this way in getting back with your ex, you really aren't acting like yourself ... and then eventually once you both get comfortable in the relationship and you start acting like yourself, the dumper might start having those feelings back on why they left you in the first place and they might end up dumping you again.

 

That's just how I feel, but it could be different for everyone else.

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BeStrongBeHappy Experienced

BeStrongBeHappy

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When someone makes plans to try to get back together like planning the invasion of Normandy, then usually it means they are desperate to get back together to the point of totally altering their true selves to do so, trying to become the exact person their ex said they wanted, even if it doesn't fit.

 

What frequently happens is they do get a reconciliation, but then they're back on the board a few months later talking about how it didn't work out after all.

 

But if they actually stay true to themselves and don't manipulate, and the ex shows interest in reconciling and they both resolve the original problems that drove them apart, it can work.

 

So i think people can trick their exes into thinking they've changed, but can't hold onto that. But if they've really negotiated with the ex and worked to resolve the original problems, it can work.

 

Getting back with the ex isn't just about getting them to go out with you or have sex with you again, it is about really solving the problems that caused the original breakup. Many people on this board trumpet how they got back together like they're the expert who has found some magical key that applies to everyone, but it doesn't work that way because the reasons people broke up to begin with are as diverse as the individuals involved.

 

The only way to ensure getting back together sticks is to solve the original problems that led to the first breakup. If the problems are negotiable it works, but if the problems are deep seated personality characteristic differences or differences in attitudes/lifestyle, it doesn't.

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mr_m4x Contributor

mr_m4x

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Bravo!

 

In my case - I'm in the precise moment of getting back with my ex - it's a matter of me being myself now vs me being the me that she met before. And right now I'm not the same person that she knew when we were together. I hope that she has improved herself and that we can work out what failed on our first time around.

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