Choice of date.

[equinox]

Got into a minor argument with my girlfriend today over a date we're planing. She wanted to see that new slumdog millionaire movie but I have absolutely no interest in it (I don't like drama).

 

I asked if she'd pick another movie and she said I should pick one. To this I replied that I've no idea what one to go to as I'm honestly not a movie fan at all. She then said that I never pick what we do and I leave to to her.

 

Now this is true, I have an extremely relaxed attitude on dates as I think that sharing her company is more important than the actual activity. Add to this that my only social activities before I met her were jams and the occasional war game.

 

She think that my lack of date ideas is a lack of interest in her. Now I do like her and I do have an interest so I want to make sure I solve this one right. I'm thinking of just picking some movie and taking her but I have a feeling she wanted to see that slumdog thing. I know she's annoyed so what might be the best thing to do?

[jenny_mcs]

It's super annoying to me when you suggest something to do, and the other person is like, "Oh, I don't want to do that"--but then doesn't offer any other suggestions. Why don't you just go see the movie she wants to see, since you don't have any other ideas?

[karvala]

I think you need to get the longer term message here. It's not just about this movie now, but rather about the fact that you never suggest anything. I used to be that way, and my argument was that I was just being co-operative, constructive and kind by allowing my gf to choose what we do, until I realised (okay, she pointed out ) that it can actually be a rather selfish and even passive-aggressive thing to do, although not intended that way of course. It's a heavy burden to ask someone else to take responsibility for the decisions; being allowed to choose isn't always a nice thing. Sometimes, your gf will want you to man up and make a decision. Take some of the burden off her, and also contribute more to the relationship by bringing some of your own views and preferences to it.

 

All relationships have a leader and a follower to some extent, but you should strive to keep it as balanced as possible. Don't be lazy; choose a movie this time, and many times in the future, and let her know that you would like to see it, and in so doing show her where your interests lie. She will enjoy getting to know more of you in this way, and being able to relax and not have to decide everything for the both of you.

[_Asti_]

At some point, this gets HIGHLY annoying.

To you, you're relaxed, but to her..it's not the case.

 

Have some balance with dates, for every date I pick, he picks one. I do things I don't want, see horrible movies, etc but he does the same for me.

 

If you don't like what she's suggesting, you better have a plan in mind to replace hers. And give and take here. Make it equal, plan something every once in a while.

[equinox]

Thanks for the advice guys. I realise that, although not my intention, I was being selfish and giving her a bad message.

 

So, I called her today and told her I'd meet her after college on Friday night and that we'd go see the movie she wanted to see. She seems ok but I'll still have a talk to her about it when I see her.

 

Thanks all, great advice as always

[karvala]

Thanks for the advice guys. I realise that, although not my intention, I was being selfish and giving her a bad message.

 

So, I called her today and told her I'd meet her after college on Friday night and that we'd go see the movie she wanted to see. She seems ok but I'll still have a talk to her about it when I see her.

 

Thanks all, great advice as always

 

I think you're still not quite getting it. If you want to acquiesce to her choice of movie on this occasion, that's fine, but you should also be taking an active role in suggesting things. So in addition to the movie, why not take her to dinner on Saturday night, to a restaurant of YOUR choice as well. Sweep her off her feet a bit.