Questioning burying the hatchet with ex gf?...

[AloneinTexas]

I am in my late 20's and have had 3 long term (over 1.5 years) girlfriends and 1 for 6 months, I just recently got out of.

 

Of these 4 women, I still have feelings for the most recent 3, on some level. On why it ended, it was usually the case of the women feeling neglected emotionally since I have a hard time expressing them to the degree which they desire. I am a LOT better but am still no romeo. What is funny is that 3 of the 4 ladies I have dated came from broken homes, abusive childhoods, etc which could be the cause for their neediness.....

 

...at any rate, I am asking this forum whether I should send a proffesionally written, platonic, and to-the point message to each of them. 1 of them is married, however, although doesn't appear they are happy. 1 is currently engaged, and 1 is still single.

 

I do not wish to cause a rift in the 2 women's lives whom have significant others. I wish to bury the hatchet. I want to come forth and tell them I harbor no resentment to them, I still care about their well-being, and I wish them well. At no point would I mention anything about still thinking about them, missing them, etc. That is not my place. I would really only do it for ME, (perhaps my guilt, I beat myself up for my inadequecies) and to officially put them behind me so they no longer invade my thoughts or dreams.

 

I am sure most will say its a horrible idea, and to write out a mock letter that will never get sent. But has anyone just done it and felt good about having done it?

[SapphireNoir10]

I do not think you need to contact these women. Perhaps write these letters or emails and not send them. That way you get it off your chest without intefering in their lives.

 

You can know you have forgiven them and bury the hatchet, your acceptance is the most important part in this.

[winchester3]

Man if the've moved on and about you. I dont think they will care too much. I see it more of a. Ohhh thats nice to hear from "Who ever you are" Again. Unless they absoutly hate your guts. I highly doubt it will destroy their relationships.

[AloneinTexas]

I found it hard to read your post, winchester

[AloneinTexas]

anyone else? Im thinking about just letting dead dogs lie.

[Ellie2006]

I agree w/ BlueAfterglow; while it's a nice gesture, I think I would just let this one go, on the slight possibility that they might read too much into your words and misconstrue your intentions.

 

There was another thread recently -- a poster received a similar email/letter from their ex, which wished them the best and was confused about the letter sender's motivations in sending the correspondence.

 

If you truly wish your exes the best, then save them the confusion and simply wish them the best from afar.

 

Just my two cents.

[RunMeRound]

Are you writing them in hopes (with any of htem) of reconciliation? If its just an nice apology and you aren't trying to reconcile I see no harm in it if it makes you feel better. On the other hand I don't really see a real reason to do it either.

[AloneinTexas]

no real hopes of reconciliation. just something for my ego to get over. i was to address that i am not in a hateful state, that i am forgiving and at peace with what happened between us, and generally just wish them well.

 

i feel like doing it would "set me free" from beating myself up for reasons why things didnt work out.

[yankeefan74]

You're in your late 20's...any mistakes you might have made are learning experiences. That's what is supposed to happen - there's no reason to beat yourself up. Most people understand that any mistakes that are made are just that - mistakes...they're not intentional. You did your best...and you will learn and grow from those experiences.

[winchester3]

Did you end up sending the letters?