Try to imagine yourself giving advice to a friend.

[Himynamesbob]

We as humans often have a much easier time analyzing someone else's situation and offering constructive advice when we're on the outside looking in. When our own emotions are involved, our judgment becomes clouded and we don't think clearly. Have you ever knew what your head was telling you was right but your heart just wouldn't let you go through with it? Well hopefully this will give you a new perspective.

 

Just imagine your best friend gives you a call, sobbing, confused, and in need of advice. Or maybe you're out with your buddy at the bar and he just seems depressed... Whatever works for you. Life is good for you, everything's normal. No breakups or relationship issues to deal with.

 

You ask "what's wrong?" and they just start telling you everything that's wrong. What you're doing is transferring all your problems and issues to this friend so that they're problem is exactly the same as yours. If your gf cheated on you, their gf now cheated on them.

 

Then all you have to do is give them the best advice possible knowing that you care about them as a friend, and you just want them to be happy again. Then re-read your advice and apply it to your situation. The best advice you ever got.

 

For me, i'd be telling my friend:

 

Yea dude you loved her, Nobody's saying you didnt. You may have made some mistakes but she was your first gf and that happens with everyone's first relationship. All you can do is learn from your mistakes to make the next relationship that much better. But dont forget she left you man, for ANOTHER GUY....... You deserve way better than that, i know you do. I know it hurts but she made this decision to leave you, now you need to make the decision to leave her behind.

 

What would you tell your friend?

[SapphireNoir10]

I would tell my friend the truth and be as objective as possible. I've had a lot of practise at advice giving and the same rules for a friend apply to someone on here.

[hereagain]

I would tell my friend:

 

You took a chance on something and it didn't work out. Looking back, you knew all the signs were there but wanted desperately to make it work. Try and remember all the bad times, how many times did you call me on the phone in tears because of how he was treating you? That you didn't understand how he could treat you so harshly or just not talk about what was obviously on his mind.

 

now knowing that he was lying to you all along, do you REALLY want to put yourself back into that? REALLY? Is that the kind of relationship you want??

 

It hurts like crap now, but you are better off just not making any contact at all and going backwards in your healing (and you know it will - no matter how much you justify it as having to know why - you never will), it will take less time to heal if youto split completely, heal and move on rather than sit on that rollercoaster, never truly able to move on and perhaps missing meeting someone that really is worth it.

 

I can't say how and I can't say when, but I can say you WILL eventually feel better and one day will be able to say (like you have with all your other boyfriends - remember how you thought life was ending when you broke up with your previous boyfriend and that you would never ever feel that way about anyone ever again, well think about how you feel about them now, they could be someone walking down the street and you wouldn't really care, would you) that you are truly over them and they no longer have any emotional impact on your life.

 

Take time to grieve, but give up hope of getting back together with them, I'd kill you if you did. I don't want my best friend messed up with someone that doesn't give her the love, respect and honesty that they deserve.

[dstein]

Brilliant. I'm actually going to give this thread some real thought. I just found out today that the woman my ex was emailing, that he was involved with 12 years ago and only spoke to 1 week before he broke up with me, is coming over from France next month to stay with him for 2 WEEKS! At least I finally had some real I HATE YOU moments today, which honestly, beat the crap out of the sad, lonely, missing, empty, hurt ones. So much for the little hope candle I was burning for him. I'm writing myself a letter today.

[hereagain]

Brilliant. I'm actually going to give this thread some real thought. I just found out today that the woman my ex was emailing, that he was involved with 12 years ago and only spoke to 1 week before he broke up with me, is coming over from France next month to stay with him for 2 WEEKS! At least I finally had some real I HATE YOU moments today, which honestly, beat the crap out of the sad, lonely, missing, empty, hurt ones. So much for the little hope candle I was burning for him. I'm writing myself a letter today.

 

Sometimes I almost think it is better that they do something heinously wrong, then I can really hate them (for a time anyway), and the way forward is a lot clearer.

[saltandvinegar]

I would tell my friend the truth and be as objective as possible. I've had a lot of practise at advice giving and the same rules for a friend apply to someone on here.

 

 

thats not what the OP is meaning.

[Himynamesbob]

Why do you think you need to apologize? You could have been a better bf but cut yourself some slack dude... she was your first gf. And you know she was a horrible communicator.. if she wanted something done differently she should have told you.

 

She left you, she broke your heart. You have NOTHING to apologize for.

[CAgirl]

I am glad I was around at the birth of this idea. : )