Breaking the ice with an ex..

[capuccino83]

I know that NC is the way it should go, but I just don't want to do it anymore.

 

Condensed background: My ex and I broke up in May. Actually we didn't really break up, we just kind of had miscommunication and both of us where afraid to put our feelings on the line. I was upset with him and he didn't know what I wanted so we just kind of stopped talking to him. When I got over the breakup to sanity again, I tried to contact him in August to apologize for myself and he never responded.

 

Now its Jan. I really would like to see him again. I dont even want to get back together at this point (its an LDR and I dont want to do the work for that) but I guess I just want to see him and smile and clear the air and be friends. Or at least, have the option of being friends. I think that sometime has passed now that he should be more emotionally okay to deal with me.

 

But I have no idea how to go about doing it? Do I email? Call? What do I say.. hey I just want to see you? To talk about things? I found your stuff and want to give it back to you?

 

Thanks.

[ljp]

I would start with an email. If you really did find stuff, then you can say "hey its been along time but I came accross some stuff of yours which made me think of you" and go from there. Its been a long time so he would probably be receptive unless your breakup was really nasty or something.

[capuccino83]

it was nasty, but it was faulted on both our parts. i dunno, i feel like an email is just so indirect. i was thinking of just calling and leaving a vm, since im assuming he's not going to pick.

[ljp]

Well what if he does pick up? Are you ok with actually having a conversation? That's why I suggested email. You can make sure you are good with what you say before you send it and since its email, you can not worry about when you get aresponse. People can take some time with email.

[capuccino83]

yea i know exactly what i'm going to say. im fine with a conversation, i'd actually love to have one, I'm just assuming that he's even not going to bother picking up.

 

I'm just worried its going to be really random. What I was going to say was..

 

me: hey ex bf, its so and so

him: ... ?!?!?!?!?!

me: how are you?

him: ... alright i guess... ??!

me: thats good to hear, everything is okay with school and so on?

him: .. yea

me: hey listen, i was just doing some spring cleaning in the winter and found a couple of your tshirts in an old box and they reminded me of you. i'm actually going to be at home next weekend and i'm hoping that we can meet up for a few and i can say hey and give them back to you.

 

option 1:

him sure

me: okay, i'll call you with more details later. take care!

 

option 2:

him i'm not going to be at home/thats not okay.

me: .. well, thats too unfortunate that you still can't see me in a casual setting. however we have known each other for x number of years and i did consider you one of my best friends for the longest time, so i hope that at some point in the future, we can meet up. however, i respect your decision.

 

or option 3:

he doesnt pick up and leave a vm and hope he calls back.

 

how does that sound? i hope im not coming off as too desperate/needy/pushy but completely calm and collected? does that cover all my bases?

[ljp]

I think those sound good actually. I personally prefer email because there are no pesky responses to have to cope with that might fluster me. But it sounds like you've got contingency plans. Good luck with your call!