I am so confused, please give me advice.

[Mariannika]

I'm very confused with my situation, and I understand I'm unable to think clearly about it…. that's why I'd like some independent, outside advice please.

 

I broke up a relationship of 6 years a few days ago, because of several lately unresolved problems. The primary reason for breaking up was my anger over the fact that my partner didn't seem to have time or even want to find time to work these problems out and it's pretty hard to try to do that alone, without any discussion…. That resulted to my thinking that I and our relationship are far from a priority in his life.

 

But that is only the situation and my feelings about it lately, not by all means the whole 6 years. Most of the time we've been very happy and we've been able to work out our problems and we've never let it accumulate like this.

 

I've been feeling somewhat discontented with our relationship for a while now because of our problems, but now that I broke us up (after a conversation, in which he told me he would more likely have even less time to spend on me and the relationship, instead of trying to find more time) I find that I miss him terribly every minute of the day and I feel completely alone without him, not to mention feeling crushed.

 

I try to remind myself that what I did was reasonable and that I did myself a favour by not letting him treat me wrong, but every 5 minutes I feel like calling him or contacting him somehow…. Since then I've talked to him once, by his contact, and I didn't want to follow the "no contact" rule, which suggest you to chit-chat lightly…. I want him to know how bad I feel about all this too. Anyway, I brought up the subject of getting back together but all he said to that was that we both need time to think. And yes, it's most probably true, but I feel so bad and hurt that I can't think clearly. My opinion changes every 30 minutes. I don't know what to do…. I'd like to know when I can think properly again. And I'd like some outside advice on what would be better, getting back together or letting go completely?

 

Thank you for any advice you can give.

 

-Mariannika.

[dikaia880]

I think that you should let him know your intentions and reasons very clearly. Write a letter or email, that way he has to know exactly what you mean, not just avoid your calls. Let him know your frustrations regarding him not putting you as a priority in his life, and him not showing you enough attention. Six years is a long time and for him to being doing that may be a sign that your not meant...or that he needs some time to himself. I think that once you let him know how and why you feel the way you do, let him know the contact is on him, and then let him be...It's hard, but be patient and see what happens...at least for a couple weeks or so...It will allow both of you to step back and realize what you want (or don't want!)

 

Best of Luck and be strong!!!

[Mariannika]

Since my last post, me and my ex have talked twice. The first time I suggested a 2 months period of no contact from both sides, but ended up breaking it myself today (we had an unordinary online chat). I think we had a good talk. I carefully mentioned our relationship and he encouraged me to tell him more what I'm thinking and feeling right now, so I did.... he didn't tell me very much himself though.

 

I told him that talking to him now made me feel better and more clear with my thoughts, which is in fact the case... And I also said I'd like to back off from our no contact agreement, and asked him how he felt about that. He said he's very busy with his work at the moment, but he told me to contact him if I felt the need to. I said I would, but that I'd also respect his current situation and not contact for no reason at all. He seemed to appreciate it.

 

During our relationship we've also been each other's best friends.... it seems even harder to think of letting that go too. I'm havin serious second thoughts about my actions and I think I was too hasty and "in heat of the moment" breaking up with him. However, I think some thinking time is only for the good at the moment, no matter what the result will be like.

 

While thinking though (and while taking enough time for thinking), I want to stay in touch with him... to know how he is as I care about him very deeply still. After thinking things through properly, I think we're going to have a serious discussion about what we think of this all, our relationship, the terms of it, our possible future together and our personal ambitions in life as well as the possibility of breaking up for good or/and just being friends.... I hope it can be a mutual decision, whatever it's going to be.

 

-Mariannika.

 

P.S. I've found the reply and some of the other posts and replies to them in this forum very helpful. Thank you for all of them, everyone.

[dikaia880]

Best of Luck...If you need more advice, I can always give my 2 cents!