Is Friendship possible if you miss them as a person???

[susiesad]

My ex and I were the best of friends, like two peas in a pod and had a really good laugh together. He ended things a month ago when we had a small argument and I was devastated. At the time I was heartbroken as I really believed he was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with, he led me to believe he felt the same way - clearly not! I'm still hurt, but in a better place now - ie, my stomach doesnt turn over and do somersaults as soon as I wake, I'm eating normally again etc. However, he keeps texting and emailing, saying he really misses our chats and he feels he has a big void in his life, and that no-one will ever understand him the way I do. He doesnt have many friends and doesnt go out a lot, and so I think I was his main communication with the outside world!!! Obviously I miss my best friend a lot as well, and to some degree still have feelings - but my question, is it healthy to be friends yet?? Is he using me as he's lonely (Im not I have lots of friends and an active life). Should I just try and remember how cruelly he tossed me aside, or be friends with him. I dont want to be a bad person, what should I do to keep my sanity without being unkind??

[CallingAllAngels]

Since you still have feelings, I do NOT think it would be in YOUR best interest to be friends and hang out with him. He could be using you (not consciously) as a comfort since he does not have a real "connection" to the outside world.

 

I don't see you moving forward if you two start hanging out together.

 

You can remain on good terms, certainly there is no need for hostility, but don't start hanging out with him. Eventually he'll meet someone and that will just break your heart all over again.

 

You've got a good scab going on. Don't rip it off.

 

My best to you.....

 

~Allie

[DN]

Tell him since you still love him it is too difficult for you to be just friends. Say that if he wants to get back together you would consider that but anything less than that isn't possible.

[Robert013]

Friendship is possible once you are no longer emotionally attached and have moved on. Take a few months apart and then see where you stand. There will always be some sexual tension because you two were lovers but if you can deal with this like adults you will be fine.

[Scorpion Fury]

I wouldn't be too concerned with his feelings. Who ditched who? he did, over something minor. You need to keep your own best interest at heart, and I don't think it would be to keep in touch with him at this point.

[tangi39]

Proceed with care.

 

You cannot be merely friends with someone you still have feelings for, that being said, even when you reach that point I think you need to be extremely cautious with this friendship in general.

 

Not only because you were once romantically involved, but being someone's "crutch" in life(i.e. Their only friend, ally, link to the outside world) is a VERY tall order and really not very healthy at ALL.

It it way too much pressure for one person to be someone's entire world.

It sounds like he has far too great an expectation of you.

It is his job to make himself happy, not yours.

Don't get sucked into this unhealthy lifestyle. He may or not be intending to act this way. But it sounds like this guy needs to learn how to make himself happy and how to welcome others (as well as the world in general) into his life. Instead of shutting everyone and everything out.

 

Being someone's sole reliance for happiness, comfort and enjoyment in life is not realistic. You will inevitably come up short and simply put you don't have the time or energy to deal with this in the long term.

No disrespect intended, but this man needs to seek some help and learn how to be a functional adult in the world.

 

Until, he does I'd steer clear.

[susiesad]

I have to agree tangi39. It does concern me that I have an abundance of friends and a healthy normal lifestyle, whilst he seems to have no-one. Maybe the way he treated me so carelessly, is the way he has treated friends and family in the past, hence why he is one lonely man. Maybe its best to leave him be, to feel the lonliness, and then maybe he may just start to wonder if it could be his own doing! x

[davejsy]

Definate NC, as you have said it is his doing. As everyone says, you can only be friends for the correct reasons once enough time has passed. NC will give time to think things through, and help you to heal in the best way. I imagine once you go NC you'll be hearing off him, at least thats what it sounds like.