Risk in Sexuality

[blue69]

 

I am not advocating careless, open sex with every person you meet (want). Let's not kid ourselves. Sex has risk, and some have pretty harsh consequences (both emotionally and physically).

 

What I am trying to point out is that you decide your sexual interest and levels of comfort (maybe push them a bit). Understand the risk associated and make an informed decision as to pursue or not pursue that sexual lifestyle. If you decide to pursue your sexuality do so by minimizing the risk and maximizing enjoyment.

 

most of the time when i see people trying to talk other people into 'risking' more for sex, it is someone trying to convert someone else into some non-mainstream sex with random people, like swinging, S&M clubs, extramarital affairs etc.

 

people can have extremely exciting sex lives and still be faithful to their partner and not swing, but swingers need new converts to keep their sex supply and fresh blood added to their game.

 

it's also a fallacy to think that couples can't have really exciting and unsual sex lives just because they don't sleep with anyone else but their own partner and do stay faithful to their partner. You can have an extremely exciting (even deviant by some people's standards) sex life without risking sex with strangers or third parties.

 

Actually this has nothing to do with converting anyone or advocating any type of specific sexual lifestyle. Maybe actually read what I wrote about taking risks (it actually acknowledges them). Some risks are simply opening up, being honest with yourself and your partner. Some people will go a lifetime afraid to open up their own sexuality. And opening up sexuality does not mean having sex with numerous people. I think I am pretty clear about that. I am not limiting the definition of “opening up”, why are you?

 

For those who don't have a partner (not everyone has one yet), opening up can help find a partner that you can enjoy a healthy sexual lifestyle with. Understanding yourself and your desires can help you determine a satisfying partner.

 

I think you might be (or are) reading into things based on my previous postings. (and even then I think you rarely understand my intentions or messages) To me, you are making assumptions outside of the context of this post.

[Sparkly Eyes]

For those who don't have a partner (not everyone has one yet), opening up can help find a partner that you can enjoy a healthy sexual lifestyle with. Understanding yourself and your desires can help you determine a satisfying partner.

 

what do you mean here by opening up to find a partner? sleeping with a lot of people? isn't it better to clear your sayings so that we do not have to assume?

 

they are many stuff you can do, spice up your sex life and have a lot of fun with one sexual partner and as long as you know your partner well they are not risky at all. if by "opening up" you meant that, well yeah I guess everyone agrees that you should be honest and comfortable with your partner and have fun but I don't say risk to those at all.

 

this is why we assumed you meant more unusual stuff that can actually be risky, physically and emotionally.

 

on the physical side,as I said people are already so open to risks, no need for encourage them for more. the result would be people spreading stds around. look at some african countries where sex is not a big deal at all, yes half of the population end up with aids. Yes we use condoms here, but everybody knows condoms don't prevent everything 100 percent and that you can still get herpes. well this is why almost 1 in four people here has HSV2.

 

on the emotional side, I think for many people just having some sexual fun is not worth ruining the love and relationship that they have. if two people have a very good relationship and can handle it, you can not call it a "taking a big risk" anyway, the same goes for a single person who is sure or is not sure about his emotions regarding to sexuality.

[Sparkly Eyes]

He is NOT saying that at all.He is saying to be totally open sexually with your partner to live ALL your fantasies no matter how wacked out. Being open and comfortable.

 

I know, I just said these fantasies can be either not really risky (for example how role playing or tie each other up when you both want can be risky?!!)

or risky in health and emotional department. I just tried to say why it is not always a good idea to take real risks.

 

EDIT: ok I think I got what he meant. well it is good to talk about how open you are to things and what fantasies you have with the potential partner before choosing them. that I agree with.

[blue69]

Fair enough.

 

For me, opening up sexually is about getting in touch with yourself. Understanding your likes as well as your dislikes. Admitting to those things that turn you on. Things you find interesting.

 

I believe a lot of people are “closed up” by other’s views and judgments. There are outside pressures that prevent or “close up” our views on sexuality. Some allow others views to significantly shape their own sexuality.

 

Opening up means recognizing that sexuality is not some scared activity to be feared. Opening up, means acknowledging the importance of sexuality in a relationship, and the importance of your partner’s sexuality. Things like openly desiring your partner. Open your mind to fully acknowledge physical pleasures. Many women and men have yet to grasp the full affects of sexual responses to their own bodies. When they feel a certain way they may close up and shut it out.

 

How many have given up on masturbation because of the guilt associated with it? The shame they feel for doing it.

 

Opening up means getting past insecurity, doubt, shame and guilt.

 

How many people have heard someone’s kink or interest and have immediately judged that person from that? Opening yourself up is accepting (not always agreeing) others views on sexuality.

 

Opening up is taking a risk to go against the social norm. The social pressures that exist that prevent you from fully enjoying or defining your own sexuality.

 

Sometimes it takes courage to acknowledge certain activities with a partner. You take a risk that they will reject you as a person for having such desires or kinks. It is a shame when a great relationship puts barriers up regarding sexuality.

 

We take risks everyday in all aspects of our lives. Hopefully they are informed risks and the consequences are well understood.

 

There is physical risk associated with sex. That is not being diminished.

[Casanova]

I agree with that mentality, but doesn't it seem that todays youth is less aware of STD's? Aren't the rate of STD's and unwanted pregnancies going up? But you're saying, "well you just have to risk it..." I don't agree with this, there are too many boneheads out there that are spreading diseases and I think people need to be aware of this so we don't end up killing ourselves!

 

However, I totally agree with the other parts of your discussion where you should open up and not fear sexuality with you partner. Try new things, experiment, etc.

[GeneralLee]

What is life without risk? Sure you could roll through life in your little hermetically sealed bubble of caution, but then what? Still die, but of old age, with nothing to show for the life you lived? In the interest of self-preservation, caution is beneficial, but at some point, as sure as taxes, you will die, and then what will all the self preservation have been for? Take caution, like everything, in moderation. Take precautions, but don't let them take you over.

[blue69]

But you're saying, "well you just have to risk it..."

 

Actually "I" am NOT saying that. I absolutely agree that the topics need to be discussed more. Actually by being more open I am encouraging the discussions to occur. I think it is our societies closed mindedness that restricts the conversations from occurring and proper education of our youth. But hey the youth aren't the only ones needing education. People should completely 100% understand risks and minimize those as much as can be. I am NOT in favor of unprotected, uninhibited, wild, crazy, sex with anyone, mentality.

 

Understand the risk and make informed decisions... just don't fear sex and sexuality.

[cyberdog]

I have heard that in societies where it is not considered taboo to talk about sex with family/etc that there are lower unwanted pregnancy and std rates, but I don't have any research to back it up and don't know if it is true or not. Seems like it could be though, by having discussions about it one can become more educated about it and the risks/protections/etc. Unlike some places where talking is 'bad' so the only way people learn about it is by their friends and other gossip.