Sex! What is going through her mind?

[winchester3]

I've been in this relationship for a little over 2 years now. The only big issue we've ever had is sex. Lack of it. None at all to be exact. Which has led to other problems and arguments/fights. Anyways.

 

The thing is over the past 9 months or so we've gotten a lot more intimate. Sleeping together, fooling around and what not. Everytime i push for sex (forgive me if after 2 years i want to do more then hold your hand and ocasionally go away for a weekend) she throws up all sorts of walls, barriers and red flags. Mood sort of dies after that and we fall asleep. The reasons and excuses she gives after are crazy bull. We talk about it after and stuff, try to work around it i guess. The excuses and reasons she has told me for not wanting to have sex are as follows:

 

-I made a pact with my best friend not to give it up until we're both in university. (Best friend is girl btw)

-I made a pact to God (Christian) that i wouldnt have sex until .... (The end allways changes)

-I am afraid of getting pregnant.

-I am illergic to latex (She didn't know about the existence of non latex condoms, she might actually be illergic I'm not too sure)

-I promised myself that i wouldnt have sex until my dad got these papers that lets him be a legal Canadian citizen (or some sort of government papers)

-I am afriad of the emotional hurt if you ever broke up with me after having sex with you

-I am afraid that i will LIKE IT ALOT!! And wont be able to control my self

 

It didn't all come in that order. After all those excuses she tells me about how she joke/scares her mom by saying "By the way i need to pick up some pregnancy tests". She also tells me about how she talks with her mom and aunts about all the different kinds of birthcontrol she could use. She's even talked to me about birthcontrol. I didn't see it until recently, but what is she making all these excuses for? It's been bugging me.

 

Any insight on this matter would be helpful. Or any tips on trying to piece this confusing puzzle together. Eventually i'll have to ask her whats up with it, at the same time trying to avoid all the walls and defenceive arguments she'd throw at me.

[george237]

She's not ready and she is looking for any reason besides the truth. I would stop pressuring her and leave if your not happy. Leaving her doesn't make you a bad person, I prob couldn't stay either.

[dreamwarrior]

Seems from what you wrote she is just not ready. I understand being with a girl/woman for two years is awhile, but if she isn't ready to give it up then her word is law.

 

Do you live together? Do you love her? If you do then you will wait.

 

Have you tried to talk with her about your feelings regarding this matter? If she is a virgin, which from how you described things she is then maybe she is afraid.

 

There could be alot of reasons going around in her head...girls are afraid of loving a guy and giving him her virginity and then he dumps her...that puts a bad taste in the mouth of some women for their first time to end in disappointment....I have seen this happen before with a young girl I knew several years ago.

 

Good luck to you!

[simply complicated]

2 YEARS AND NO SEX?!....wow, you've got the patience of a monk.

 

They all sound like terrible excuses, other than the religious part, which I still wouldn't believe because if that were truly the case, she wouldn't have needed to use all the other BS excuses.

 

If after two years and no sex, you've gotta know theres something a little off. I think you should stop asking why she doesn't want to do it, and simply tell her that sex is a huge part of any relationship, it creates a bond that expands your love for one another, and if it isn't happening, then there isn't much love there.

[Pappers]

She's just not ready yet.

[definitely_maybe]

She's just not ready yet.

 

That is very understandable, since I'll assume she is around the same age at ~19.