winston Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I've been reading through this forum and i am surprised at the number of people that seem to be so willing to help. So i guess this is where I ask for help too. as cliche as it is, i am completely alone. I have no friends, have not had a girlfriend in nearly 10 years, no family to speak of, the few i have i dont really like or get along with. I have tried to make new friends a few times over the years, but each group that I get into ends up leaving me, they never say anythign, just stop talking to me or including me in what ever activities we had been doing together. As far as girlfeirnds, I am very shy around girls that i think are cute or if i am infatuated with. I have never concidered myself very good looking, but have been told that i am and that been told of a few women that were to 'intimidated' - what ever that means- to approach me. I have never been asked out on a date and women really don't flirt with me, or even look at me for that matter. I've seen women glance at me and make an effort not to look again. I hate pity. I hate asking for help. I dont want people to talk to me because i ask them too or because they feel bad for me. i want people to talk to me and like me for who i am. i suppose thats what everyone wants. but i am at the end of my rope. i dont want to kill myself, but i cant take the lonlyness and rejection much longer. i feel so pathetic doing this. i just need someone that i can talk too. i feel so alone. thank you to anyone who reads through this rambling sorry for the spelling/grammer. i have to have a few drinks to work up the courage to write this and i am on antidepressents so am somewhat intoxicated right now, lol i probably wont remember writing this tomorrow. thanks again. Link to comment
arnoldlayne Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 maybe join some clubs or go out with people from work? and as far as dating goes, just get out there and talk to people. you might get a date out of it. it won't go perfectly, but you'll learn what went wrong and be able to move on. Link to comment
george237 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Ok first off finding friends is not the easiest thing in the world. I have met a ton of great people during my life but i only have a handful of friends. To meet people of both sexs do the things you enjoy to do. For example I go to dog parks, coffee shops, book stores, and bike paths during my free time. I met a bunch of nice people and some lady friends. As for the women, you are going to have to grab a set and start flirting with women. Start by flirting with women you don't find attractive and then work your way up. It is rare that a woman will approach a man. They will show there interest in other ways such as giving you a look or smiling at you. Once you see them showing any kind of interest go up and say hi. The worst that can happen is they will say no, which isn't that bad. Link to comment
winston Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 I was hanging out with a few people i work with, but earlier this year i was 'dumped' by them. i've kind of worked it out with them and we get along, but i am still not invited when they do something. i have been looking into volenteering, but most groups want money, which i dont have much of. i am skilled at construction and hope improvment work, but i have no groups that needed that type of help. when the weather gets better, i plan to talk to habitate for humanity, try and help build houses for the needy. but that is months away, winter has just started up here in new england. Link to comment
winston Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 " Start by flirting with women you don't find attractive " thats a good idea i dont have much difficulty talking to women i am not attracted to " It is rare that a woman will approach a man. " i hate this about our society. its so fustrating. Link to comment
george237 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I was hanging out with a few people i work with, but earlier this year i was 'dumped' by them. i've kind of worked it out with them and we get along, but i am still not invited when they do something. i have been looking into volenteering, but most groups want money, which i dont have much of. i am skilled at construction and hope improvment work, but i have no groups that needed that type of help. when the weather gets better, i plan to talk to habitate for humanity, try and help build houses for the needy. but that is months away, winter has just started up here in new england. Winter started a few months ago up there. As I was reading I was thinking of habitat for humanity. Any who there are soup kitchens, spca's, and ymca's that would be happy to take your free help. I do not have any friends from work. I will go out with those people once in a while but I do not call them all the time or spend more then one night a month out with them. Reason being I don't like dealing with office politics and I think work is work and my life is my life. Link to comment
winston Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 the thing that bothers me about my work mates is that we should get along well, mostly the same age and have a lot in common. there was an incident with a girl who was new at the time. one other coworker tried to convince me that she had a thing for me and that she was single. turns out she was not single and i never did find out if she had any attraction towards me or was just taking advantage of my kindness when i did try and flirt/talk with her. either way i 'turned her down' when i found out she had a boyfriend and it was just after that that they stopped 'inviting' me to hang out. i'm not sure if that really had anyhting to do with it, but the timing was an odd coincedence. Link to comment
george237 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Who cares. Be yourself and people will respect and like you, seriously. Try and be a leader and not a follower. Link to comment
winston Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 i understand what you are saying george, that really is what i try and do, it just dosent seem to work. frankly i'm just not that cool or hip or interesting, what ever you want to call it. i stand by my convictions, but i seem to be alone in them more often than not. Link to comment
george237 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I don't know how to explain it but if you look desperate to make friends people will run from you. Link to comment
doyathink Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 How old are you, Winston...if you don't mind my asking Link to comment
PrincessJOA Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 hey Winston! *hug*, by the sound of your post, I can definitely tell that you are a sweetheart =) well, I think volunteer work is always a great way to make new friends. Also, join a club or something, you will find some regulars there that you will eventually be good friends with... Link to comment
winston Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 george- i dont think i am acting desperate, i am aware of that kind of personality and have meet a few. if i am then it would come as a supprise to me. i can 'chat' my way to a casual relationship with people, but getting over the hump to actually feel like i can call them friends never seems to happen. doyathink - i am 31. princess - thanks for the hug. i try so hard to be a good person and to be 'nice', but its so hard sometimes, how many times can i take having my friendlieness taken for weakness. i'll ask someone if they want coffee when i go to the local donut shop every day for a month and they accept almost every time, but they never ask me if i want anything when they go out. if fact, not to long ago one coworker asked me if i was goin out to get coffee and i said i could'nt as i was too busy. so she leaves, goes and gets herself a coffee and food but never bothered to ask if i wanted anyhting. this is the same person i asked every time for a month when i went out. its not like shes a mean or greedy person, shes actually a very nice person (done a lot for family and taken a lot of crap from them with out rejecting requests for help.) Link to comment
doyathink Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 ok, so you're still young! Go out and do the volunteer thing. You never know...you may find the love of your life there. Do you like any sports, or hobbies? Link to comment
george237 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I don't know what to tell you. Start talking on here at night. I find myself doing this more as it is colder out and my ass doesn't go out in the cold Link to comment
winston Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 lol young, i feel so old. Link to comment
doyathink Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 ok, but ppl like that are just inconsiderate. The world is FULL of those kind of ppl... Link to comment
george237 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 ok, so you're still young! Go out and do the volunteer thing. You never know...you may find the love of your life there. Do you like any sports, or hobbies? Oh yeah seriously if you can talk even a little bit of sports you will meet a ton of friends at your local pub, however it depends if their the type of people you want to hang out with. Link to comment
george237 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 lol young, i feel so old. Dude your 31 not 70. Link to comment
doyathink Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I don't know what to tell you. Start talking on here at night. I find myself doing this more as it is colder out and my ass doesn't go out in the cold Yeah! for real! lol lol young, i feel so old. well yeah! I'm older then you are...and I certainly don't consider myself OLD! hehee (shush George...I don't want to hear any old comments. lol) Link to comment
winston Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 thank you for responding george. just answering my first post has ment something to me. its just so hard, feeling like you don't fit in anywhere and no one really cares. i guess i just want what everyone else wants, but it seems like i am the only only one who cant find it. Link to comment
george237 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Yeah! for real! lol well yeah! I'm older then you are...and I certainly don't consider myself OLD! hehee (shush George...I don't want to hear any old comments. lol) So we are older then 31 now. I am onto you. Link to comment
doyathink Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 So we are older then 31 now. I am onto you. Ahahaa....yes! By farrrrr Link to comment
george237 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 thank you for responding george. just answering my first post has ment something to me. its just so hard, feeling like you don't fit in anywhere and no one really cares. i guess i just want what everyone else wants, but it seems like i am the only only one who cant find it. I live in a major city by myself. I have old friends that I see occationaly in a suburb close by. To be honest with you I like being by myself. I enjoy doing what I want when I want and how I want. Learn to appreciate your life the way it is and you will be happy. Link to comment
winston Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 yeah 31, so close to 35 which is so close to 40 (middle age!). of course i felt old at 20 and then at 25. the shock of reaching these numbers only wears off after you pass it. "ok, but ppl like that are just inconsiderate. The world is FULL of those kind of ppl... " thats the thing, she is not that way generally speaking. she gets along with everyone and is considered a nice person. incuding myself when i'm just chit-chating, but like a lot of people my attempts at being friendly and generous are meet with indifference or are just taken advantage of. Link to comment
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