Not good enough?

[renaissancewoman101]

Do you ever feel when you are doing something, be it a hobby, sport, etc., that you are NOT good enough and that you are a hindrance to others? Even if others tell you that you are coming along quite nicely, you feel that people are "patronizing" you and don't really think you contribute to the group.

 

I don't know how to combat this, but a lot of times, when I fence, I feel like I am not good enough and am not learning fast enough, or will never be good. And it makes me feel bad about myself and makes me feel like I am a burden to others, or that I don't contribute to our group. Some of the fencing tournaments are one-on-one things, so I'm ok with that, since I am catching on. People say I am aggressive and will go after an opponent, which is something that takes people a LONG time to learn. I do know most of the moves, although I tend to veer offline and not keep my point centered. I also have trouble with knowing how to fight legged, one-armed, etc (that happens when the opponent hits you with the blade point on your arm, hand, foot, or leg (technically you're still alive, but you lose the use of the arm/hand/etc that he hit).

 

One other part of fencing, is we do a lot of group (melee) fighting against other groups (from other areas), and it gets REAL hairy and confusing to do that. Most group fighting takes place at a "war".

 

Yesterday, we had "war" practice and did fighting in a group against another group. It got real confusing and hairy and weird and I got frustrated and ended up going off the field really frustrated and worked up. A few people talked to me about it, but I was really upset and felt like I was useless and stuff. The guy I like, who is also a fencer, (that I posted about previously), he ended up spending time with me and explaining to me how melees work, that I was doing very well for the level I was at and that it is normal to be confused during melees. He was supportive of me and nice and we are friends (I sometimes will hang with him and his friends to play WoW).

 

A lot of other people (even from the other side), took the time to work with me about things, give me pointers, etc. And also give me praise and assurance.

 

But I feel like they are being condescending to me and only do it so I don't feel bad.

 

I have a hard time with myself and tend to be very hard on myself, esp at things I want to prove to others. Maybe it is because I feel like nobody notices me because I'm tiny and/or that I am a hindrance, that I try HARD to prove to others that I can do it, can do it well, and am not a "burden".

 

Maybe I want to be accepted. I dunno. I know people I fence with, know me and accept me, even fencers from other areas that work with us, will recognize me and stuff.

 

I dunno. Really the aim is to have fun. But I also want to be good at it and I feel I am not, even though others say I am, esp since I have only been doing this since Oct.

 

Am I being too hard on myself?

[LBP]

Sometimes. Then I say, hell with it, I'm just going to go back to the drawing board until I'm satisfied. I don't end up being the best ALL the time, but I'm usually content with my product.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Yes, I think you are being too hard on yourself.

 

If you want to be better, practice more. Maybe ask the guy you like for some one-on-one lessons?

[renaissancewoman101]

I practice as much as I can when I am at practice. I don't have a rapier (blade), or other equipment of my own yet. When you first join, they suggest using the loaner gear that is available at practice and then, after a few months, when you feel like you will stick with it, then buy your own gear.

 

I plan to buy my gear at the next "war" event in Feb. It is a weeklong event (I will be there the latter part of the week) and has a fairly impressive merchant area.

 

I do attend all practices (which are twice a week) and practice with people there for a few hours at a time. I also will practice at home, some of my foot moves (while looking in the mirror). I have a full length mirror in the dressing area of my bathroom.

 

Two of the fighters take the time to give me lessons at each practice and provide me with pointers. I sometimes will ask my friend (the guy I like), to fight with me at practice and he will point out areas I need to work with.

 

Sometimes it feels so overwhelming to me. I just want to be good at it. The goal really is to have fun, but I want to be good.

 

I try and do a lot in the SCA because I want to be noticed.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I practice as much as I can when I am at practice. I don't have a rapier (blade), or other equipment of my own yet. When you first join, they suggest using the loaner gear that is available at practice and then, after a few months, when you feel like you will stick with it, then buy your own gear.

 

I plan to buy my gear at the next "war" event in Feb. It is a weeklong event (I will be there the latter part of the week) and has a fairly impressive merchant area.

 

I do attend all practices (which are twice a week) and practice with people there for a few hours at a time. I also will practice at home, some of my foot moves (while looking in the mirror). I have a full length mirror in the dressing area of my bathroom.

 

Then no one should ever critisize you.

 

You are working extremely hard and are far from slacking.

 

Just keep working at it and do remember to have fun.

[JadedStar]

You're too hard on yourself.

 

I know that doesn't sound very in-depth but its all i could think of reading your post. You torture yourself with these thoughts.

[renaissancewoman101]

Debaser, people don't really criticize me. They give me pointers to work on. I'm just hard on myself because I want to be good at it and be able to contribute to the group, esp in group battles.

 

I won't be authorized to fight yet, by Feb, but I am hoping to authorize by May war. At least that's the plan.

[renaissancewoman101]

You're too hard on yourself.

 

I know that doesn't sound very in-depth but its all i could think of reading your post. You torture yourself with these thoughts.

 

You know what, funny thing, I am very hard on myself with this, but I am not hard on myself in other parts of my life (job stuff). I dunno why.

 

Maybe I want to prove to myself I can succeed in one thing, esp since i don't always feel that I am a success in other areas of my life.

[Cognitive_Canine]

You know what, funny thing, I am very hard on myself with this, but I am not hard on myself in other parts of my life (job stuff). I dunno why.

 

Maybe I want to prove to myself I can succeed in one thing, esp since i don't always feel that I am a success in other areas of my life.

 

Probably because you have a team depending on you and the guy you like is thrown in there as well?

[dreamwarrior]

Don't worry you will be fine.

 

My goodness you haven't been doing it that long...what Oct/08? Give yourself a break, just practice, practice, and practice then one day you will surprise yourself. I totally understand your situation I been doing karate for 4 years and still I practice the basics because that is the foundation of the system and then every other kata is built on those first forms.

 

Trust me nobody is criticizing or patronizing you in the least, because if they didn't encourage or help then it wouldn't be worth going and for sure you would get discouraged. I get that alot too, but it's about others trying to help you succeed.

 

The only way a person fails is if he/she quits, so just keep on keeping on. It doesn't matter what you do in life the name of the game is staying in the game until your the last one standing....the fighting arts are not easy and take many hours or hard work and alot of sweat...never sell yourself short...and btw I am tiny also, but dang I can kick a guy twice my size to the ground and I got what they call the knock out punch...so being tiny or a woman has nothing to do with strength or power.

 

Try meditation and yoga...do as many relaxing things as you can....and just be the best you can be.

 

hugs and smiles to you!

[renaissancewoman101]

Probably because you have a team depending on you and the guy you like is thrown in there as well?

 

That is true, I want to be dependable and also show off to the guy I like

 

Don't worry you will be fine.

 

My goodness you haven't been doing it that long...what Oct/08? Give yourself a break, just practice, practice, and practice then one day you will surprise yourself. I totally understand your situation I been doing karate for 4 years and still I practice the basics because that is the foundation of the system and then every other kata is built on those first forms.

 

Trust me nobody is criticizing or patronizing you in the least, because if they didn't encourage or help then it wouldn't be worth going and for sure you would get discouraged. I get that alot too, but it's about others trying to help you succeed.

 

The only way a person fails is if he/she quits, so just keep on keeping on. It doesn't matter what you do in life the name of the game is staying in the game until your the last one standing....the fighting arts are not easy and take many hours or hard work and alot of sweat...never sell yourself short...and btw I am tiny also, but dang I can kick a guy twice my size to the ground and I got what they call the knock out punch...so being tiny or a woman has nothing to do with strength or power.

 

Try meditation and yoga...do as many relaxing things as you can....and just be the best you can be.

 

hugs and smiles to you!

 

Dreamwarrior, a lot of my fellow fighters seem to have a lot of faith in me and think I can be good at this and also help them win, esp BECAUSE of my height. They think I can take out the legs and arms of the opponents, because I am tiny and can slip in for the attack easier than the taller fighters.

 

One thing that scares me is that people have faith in me and think I can do it and that I am doing it well for the amount of time I've been doing this hobby.

 

I don't plan on quitting. Yesterday when I had my meltdown (too much stuff going on at once), I went off the field for a breather. Some of the fighters told me to take it easy and come back when I felt better, or just not fight that day. I went back on the field in about 15 minutes, after I had time to calm myself down.

 

I don't plan on giving up. I enjoy this and feel empowered by it.

 

And it has made me happier in that it is something I enjoy doing and I get to meet people while doing it too.

[Seymore]

I can be the best in the room at what I'm doing and still feel it's not good enough. BUT, if I know I'm doing my best, I don't feel bad about it.

 

It can be a good thing - it shows that you strive to succeed. This carries on to other things in your life as well.

[dreamwarrior]

I love the fighting arts, it gives me the ultimate natural high....sometimes my adrenaline is running so high I cannot sit still even long after practice....I have weapons all over my room...as a matter of fact I have my kendo sword next to my bed....robbers in the night while I am here at home at night alone..."hah" I don't think so.

 

My best to you...good luck!