Zee_ Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I've never considered myself the jealous type, but this situation is starting to change that, I think. I've been dating this guy for about 8 months now, and we are very much in love with each other. When we first started dating, we had both gotten out of long-term relationships. A few months into the relationship, he told me his ex was now a professional model. I was curious, so I looked her up on facebook, and she is gorgeous. Now, I can't stop obsessing over her... I look at her pictures all the time, read through her blogs... I used to be very confident of myself, but I seem to be doubting myself more and more. She had a lot in common with him, she was a ballet dancer, and she was full of sex appeal and confidence and grace. She seems to have everything that I don't have. I find myself comparing myself to her all the time. And to make it worse, I know she still texts him and calls him, even over a year after they broke up. And I know he still responds. I'm not afraid that he's going to get back with her, I am just afraid that the only reason he ended up with me was because he couldn't have her. I don't want to be the plan B girl. I really feel like a step down, and I wonder if he thinks about her or has any feelings for her anymore. I almost feel ashamed that I can't be prettier for him... I don't want to tell him about any of this, because I have always prided myself in being the non-crazy girlfriend... But I don't know how I'm supposed to believe that I'm the love of his life with the idea of what he had before lingering in the background... Link to comment
LBP Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 There's nothing you can do to change your looks. All you can do is love him truly and love him well. That will be enough to distinguish you. Link to comment
meepmeep20 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I read this before. Don't know what to say. Lose weight? Exercise? Think differently? If you show him your insecurity, he'll think of her as better than you. Stop showing it. Act like you don't care about her or her looks. Be indifferent. You obviously can't make her ugly, right? Link to comment
Aviatormy Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I read this before. Don't know what to say. Lose weight? Exercise? Think differently? If you show him your insecurity, he'll think of her as better than you. Stop showing it. Act like you don't care about her or her looks. Be indifferent. You obviously can't make her ugly, right? Exactly! Show that confidence. You can NOT make her ugly but you sure as hell can make yourself look better than her. Reason being???? You can show your BF that you have MORE confidence, MORE sex appeal and MORE personality. I too have dated a woman that has been with models, MMA fighters and millionairs. She would constantly tell me that I am far better than all of them because of my confidence, personality and my ability to make her smile. Looks can only take you so far but I to this day find that the most attractive girl IN MY EYES that I have dated was one that appeared to be just average to all my friends. I thought she was most attractive because she treated me right and had confidence. You can do it! Soon enough, that ex will be looking at your Facebook daily! lol. Link to comment
babii doll Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 my situation is a bit reversed, ive been dating my current bf for a year now, before him i dated a model from italy, my current bf has seen pictures of my ex from myspace and occasionally makes comments about him not measuring up in the looks department. all i can say is that kindof thinking is really a turn off, i would advise not mentioning your paranoia about the ex to him. obviously there is something about you he likes that he didnt get from the ex otherwise theyd be together. confidence is key Link to comment
COtuner Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 She is his ex for a reason, he is with you. As for being insecure now, I think it's normal to feel that way sometimes. I know not everybody does (or will admit it) but we all come up against someone we feel is just gorgeous. Focus on your goodness. Work on aspects of yourself you would like to improve, and I don't just mean physical stuff. You will feel better just because you're addressing those things and the outcome might not matter so much anymore Link to comment
jettison Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 That's a tough one for our egos to take I think. I understand that for sure. I felt like a step down to some degree for an ex I had a few years ago. The guy before me was just so uber by comparison... filthy rich, crazy smart, brilliant guy. I like to think I have a lot going for me, but this guy was off the charts. And then the guy after me was a very accomplished professional athlete. So, if you look at it like that then you're just looking for trouble. From a man's perspective, I still find this woman undeniably sexy and attractive, and she still calls and texts and emails occasionally. I even fantasize about her sometimes. But if it makes you feel any better, I wouldn't leave the woman I'm with right now for her. I'm just a better match with the current, and she has all the beauty and smarts I could ever want and then some. But what I love about her that I don't love as much about the old one is the connection... it's just more powerful. Sweeter. More enlightened. And really, I think they are both great people, but this current one literally inspires me. The last one was more "nice" and much less inspiring. If your man is with you and loving you then I'm sure you have a LOT going for you. Try not to compare. Buddhism will teach you that comparison is the root of all suffering, and there's just no point in you suffering. Link to comment
george237 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 He is with you. I don't think he would have wasted 8 months of his time if he didn't find you attractive. But I know you will not be able to think that so I think you have to talk to him. Link to comment
shikashika Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I agree with whatever everyone else is saying. So she was hot... how did she make him feel about himself. Jealousy and insecurity is probably the most unattractive feature in a person. Link to comment
Lionel Hutz Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 How does it feel to be hotter and more sexier than her in his eyes, even if she was a model. He has a choice, and its you. Model Schmodel, you are his model; model partner. Enjoy it. Link to comment
duppy_conqueror Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Try not to compare. Buddhism will teach you that comparison is the root of all suffering, and there's just no point in you suffering. thats a great piece of advice and i strongly agree. whats the point in getting yourself down over an ex-gf? who cares? beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and you shouldnt always judge a book by its cover. with any luck, you're with a man who chooses who he wants to be with based on personality over looks. anyone who is truly themselves out-charms anyone. there is no one person 'better' than the other. maybe more accomplished in some respects (i.e in terms of career or whatever) but we all have our flaws. focus on why your bf is with YOU and remind yourself of why your r'ship is special. Link to comment
servedcold Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I've fallen into this kind of thinking several times in life after seeing a GFs body builder/pro athlete/movie director/model ex. What broke me of it was eventually dating a movie star gorgeous woman and realizing much later that if I had a choice of any woman to be with long term she'd be pretty far down the list compared to less stellar looking women I've dated who had other, more enduring qualities. The ballerina could be a high maintenance prima donna for all you know (sorry couldn't resist). Looks get you in the door, and have lots to do with maintaining attraction, but are not really the main source of where long-term strong attraction comes from. If this is THE guy for you, no one knows, but it likely has little do do with looks comparisons between you and his exes in his mind. We guys are thick in some ways, but we do learn lessons over time. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I think you are in a better situation than a woman whose b/f leaves her for someone she perceives to be gorgeous...that must hurt far worse, so relish in the fact that he is WITH you so that has to mean SOMETIHNG. I see a lot more threads about somenoe who felt their ex left them for someone much better looking and that must sting a heck of a lot more... You probably are far better looking than you are feeling right now...for what it is worth. Link to comment
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