what is he thinking?

[pleaseadvise]

Hey Guys - sorry this is long but the background is kinda important ....any advice would be truly appreciated!! Thank you

 

I just started hanging out with this guy I used to go to HS with (we are both out of college now). We were never friends or even talked in HS but i dated one of his acquaintances and he dated one of mine and we both pretty serious. He broke up with his gf early on in college and same with me...once again never talked or really knew much of each other. So on New Years Day i decided to reconnect with a bunch of people I used to go to HS with on FB and friended him...he asked me to hang out and we went out with each other a couple times and i went to his house a few times and met his family (we have been hooking up all along). I just slept over his house this weekend and i thought it went well, but I am not so sure he felt the same way...which is where I need your opinions. He brought up his ex and my ex multiple times and talked about them which was really uncomfortable. He acted really interested in me the whole night and was incredibly sweet to me and respectful and we hung out with his parents a little, it was as though we were dating. Ever since I left though he has been short with me, not talkative at all and not wanting to hang out anymore. I have no idea what went wrong! I am just very confused and dont know what I did wrong or why he is acting like this and I dont know what to do! Please offer me some advice please

[brandnew1]

this is difficult to determine from your post. have you considered bringing it up to him? have you seen him since?

[pleaseadvise]

Well last I saw of him was Saturday morning and i asked him to hang out sunday and he said no he was visiting a friend and that was about the only communication we have had since. I told him I liked him and he had no response. I mean the only thing i can think of is that i shouldnt of told him i liked him or asked him to hang out but he was the one doing all the pursuing up to that point and i thought after sleeping over with him it should of been obvious...

[iwalas]

...he asked me to hang out and we went out with each other a couple times and i went to his house a few times and met his family (we have been hooking up all along).

 

...

 

I have no idea what went wrong! I am just very confused and dont know what I did wrong or why he is acting like this and I dont know what to do! Please offer me some advice please

 

You just re-connected at New Year's and you've been hanging out ever since and "hooking up all along?" Did I miss something, or are you saying you've been hanging out and hooking up for two weeks and can't figure out why he's no longer interested? If that is indeed the case, I'm guessing you made it too easy for him and he lost interest. Correct me/fill me in with what I missed if this is not the case.

[cruzer]

I'm guessing you made it too easy for him and he lost interest.

 

I dont understand this. I dont want a girl to have sex with me on the first date, but i hate playing games.

 

She made it too easy for him to like her so he lost interest?

 

anyways, u told him u like him, u asked to see him, so he knows how u feel. now u should probably wait and let him contact you. hopefully he is just busy since u spent the night.

[D_Lish]

You say he mentioned his ex multiple times.

 

Sounds like he's still not over and still hung up on her....hence his unavailability.

[ghost69]

You say he mentioned his ex multiple times.

 

Sounds like he's still not over and still hung up on her....hence his unavailability.

 

i'd say this is a good indication he's not over her as well. i don't bring up exs like that.

 

he could just be busy. send him a text saying hi and asking how the rest of his weekend went. or just call and say hey.

[iwalas]

I dont understand this. I dont want a girl to have sex with me on the first date, but i hate playing games.

 

She made it too easy for him to like her so he lost interest?

 

anyways, u told him u like him, u asked to see him, so he knows how u feel. now u should probably wait and let him contact you. hopefully he is just busy since u spent the night.

 

not sure what's not to understand...if i want to meet a nice girl and try to make a lasting relationship out of it, i'd say hooking up non-stop for the first two weeks together is not a good start.

 

too much sex at the start just makes me think she will get bored and go find someone else to have lots of sex with after she loses interest...so, i label her "easy" and can never consider her girlfriend material.

 

if you didn't want to get on the gf basis, and you just liked the hookup, then talking about feelings was probably the wrong move...is that more clear?

[cruzer]

Why is hooking up a bad thing? I thought when u date u hang out and do stuff?'

 

i guess if someone was wanting to be around me all the time and we just met i would find that clingy and needy but from the original post it doesnt say we hung out every other day or something

 

I have been talking/dating this girl for 3 months and we have went out 2 times, does that mean its going to last? It sure feels like the worst experience for me.

[pleaseadvise]

Thanks guys for all your feedback it really helps!

 

In the last 2 weeks we only hung out 4 times and hooked up 3 times and we only had sex the last time we hung out. We do not even talk everyday, and when we do its like a 10 minute convo.

 

I guess what I am trying to understand is what his intentions are and what I should do. He knows I am not "easy" considering he knew me in high school and I was always considered a "goody goody."

Thanks

[Batya33]

Your actions confirm for him that you are comfortable with casual sex/hooking up. Not saying you are "easy" I am just stating facts - how you were in high school is irrelevant - do you expect him to keep your past in mind when you are available for casual sex? Nothing wrong with casual sex- and it sounds like you're enjoying it - but then you can't expect him to be a mind reader and remember who you were years ago and somehow interpret your willingness to have sex with him as wanting a relationship with him.

 

It sounds like he may have lost interest - this happens in early dating often - and may have nothing to do with your decision to have sex with him. I am just suggesting that it's a huge leap on your part that he was supposed to understand that you wouldn't have slept with him casually - that it meant more - because, um, you slept with him casually.

[iwalas]

I agree with Batya almost 100%. I guess to cruzer, "hooking up" means something different. When I hear hooking up, I picture more than just hanging out and doing a fun activity together. Hooking up to me means it went beyond kissing and touching.

 

If I misunderstood on either part, I apologize for causing confusion. Basically, I'm not saying you're "easy" because you slept with him, but for how fast and frequently you started hooking up, you probably came off as either clingy or easy.

 

Best bet is to back it up a step or two. Rather than trying to see him one-on-one, maybe plan a group thing and invite him. If he shows, make sure you spread your attention around and don't focus it all on him, so he knows you're not obsessing over him. This will probably make him feel at ease and may even create a sense of "the chase" if he decides he likes your focused attention.

[HeartGoesOn]

Thanks guys for all your feedback it really helps!

 

In the last 2 weeks we only hung out 4 times and hooked up 3 times and we only had sex the last time we hung out. We do not even talk everyday, and when we do its like a 10 minute convo.

 

I guess what I am trying to understand is what his intentions are and what I should do. He knows I am not "easy" considering he knew me in high school and I was always considered a "goody goody."

Thanks

 

 

 

I would have asked him what his intentions were before becoming intimate with him. Why would you so easily give your body to him, yet still be afraid to ask him where you stand?

 

Just my opinion...