corvidae Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Hmmm...I've never seen a woman approach a man. Speaking for myself, I would like it very much. Link to comment
Crush85 Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Now that I think of it, I've never seen 1st hand a woman ever show or talk about interest in a guy. In college I saw it happen all the time. But there's still alot of women out there with the mentality of "if he likes me, then he should approach me. and if he doesn't, then it's his loss." And these are the same women that are against gender roles, yet somehow it is the male's duty to do all of the asking out and pursuing? I honestly don't get it. I've also come accross some women on here (not mentioning any names ...) that say that the guy should pay for all the dates, should open all the doors for her, pull out chairs for her, be romantic, focus his attention on her, etc. And if doesn't do any of that then she's gone. As a guy I have no problem doing all that stuff, but it'd be nice if the girl returned the favor once in a while. But on a brighter note I've noticed more and more women stepping up and asking guys out. Hell, I've even had girls ask me out. Now, I'm not advocating that asking out should be solely the female's role, but what I am saying is that it should be something both genders are willing to do. I'm seeing that more and more nowadays, which is a step in the right direction. Link to comment
COtuner Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 i have it happen all the time. I would screw up my courage and give it a shot again (were I single) despite feeling socially inept these days. Thinking back last night, and I did it in college a few times and once in high school. I kept asking out guys the song girls were dating though. I was cute but not on tv every week. One turned out to be gay but he did go out with me! We had a great day trip to Sanibel Island and drank champagne and played volleyball in the pool. The high school date my mother went along with us... 'nuff said... it was my first date. Link to comment
Mantis Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I haven't ever had it happen, but I think I'd be happy about it. Even if it's not a girl I'm interested in, it would be nice to know that a girl likes me enough to ask me out. Link to comment
tkdfan Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I am incredible shy. A girl coming up and approching me would be wonderful!!!! 1. it would boost my ego 2. I would feel flattered 3. I would be like THANK GOD I don't have to make an A S S out of myself asking her out lol 4. I think it is hot for a girl to approach a guy Just as long as I knew seh just wasn't being * * * * y. If she came up to me in a nice HI how are you I would like to really get to know you way I would deff be like WOW well HI My intial reaction probably would be of surprise as I don't get any girls really that come up to me. If I saw she was real and cool I would deff make the most out of the opportunity I agree with this post completely, including the bit about being shy! Link to comment
coldplay. Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Id like it, for me, attention leads to intrigue, intrigue into attraction. And its usually a pleasant surprise when a girl comes up and wants to talk to you. Link to comment
littlestar Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 I am a girl and i approach guys all the time!! Nothing to be shy about! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 It would be interesting if we could know whether it works better for a woman to approach a man where they are both strangers and in a setting where the 'approach" isn't a natural part of the event or surroundings (like littlestar calling out to a random guy to compliment his looks as she wrote about in another thread), or whether it works better if it is just part of what's natural for the situation (and for men, too). Sure, at a club people approach strangers all the time to "hit on them" but that automatically gives the impression of romantic interest (which can feel a bit intense as far as the decision to 'approach"). By contrast, if you're both busy working with young people at an afterschool volunteer program and the woman strikes up a relevant convo with the guy she still "approached" first and the man might wonder whether the interest is romantic but neither person needs to feel particularly fearful of "rejection" because the surroundings justifies the interaction. I think something like swing dancing is the perfect compromise because then the assumption is that everyone asks everyone to dance, with the result that once you're dancing it's pretty easy to flirt/show interest i would think. Link to comment
iwishiknew Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 I wish a women would approach me. I would feel so happy but that would never happen to me. Link to comment
Clarity Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 I wish a women would approach me. I would feel so happy but that would never happen to me. A lot of guys say this (including me), but what we really mean to say is "I wish women *I would be interested in dating* would approach me". I'm not trying to put words in your mouth, but that's what most guys are implicitly saying when they speak these words. I've been approached by women I'm not attracted to and while, it's flattering, that feeling doesn't last very long. Link to comment
Stuffy Nose Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 I'm quite shy, and the few times that women have ever approached me, it gives me tons of confidence. I think men are typically shy when they think that women won't find them appealing, but when a women approaches a man, then he knows she does, and everything becomes a lot easier. That being said, I don't expect men and women to ever have to do a fair share. We got the short end of this stick, but at least we don't give birth. Link to comment
DN Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 A lot of guys say this (including me), but what we really mean to say is "I wish women *I would be interested in dating* would approach me". I'm not trying to put words in your mouth, but that's what most guys are implicitly saying when they speak these words. I've been approached by women I'm not attracted to and while, it's flattering, that feeling doesn't last very long. I think that is the same for women though - women want to be approached by men they are interested in as well. Link to comment
Stuffy Nose Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 I think that is the same for women though - women want to be approached by men they are interested in as well. Of course, but being approached by someone you're not interested in feels nice too! Link to comment
Mantis Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 A lot of guys say this (including me), but what we really mean to say is "I wish women *I would be interested in dating* would approach me". I'm not trying to put words in your mouth, but that's what most guys are implicitly saying when they speak these words. I've been approached by women I'm not attracted to and while, it's flattering, that feeling doesn't last very long. I don't entirely agree with this. I mean, of course I would prefer that it was a girl I'm interested in. But even if it wasn't, having a girl approach me at all would at least mean that some girl, somewhere is actually interested in me. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 I don't entirely agree with this. I mean, of course I would prefer that it was a girl I'm interested in. But even if it wasn't, having a girl approach me at all would at least mean that some girl, somewhere is actually interested in me. I would imagine it is a nice ego boost even if it doesn't go any further and the girl isn't your type, which I think is what you are saying. And approaching a person - man or woman - doesn't mean it HAS to end with a date. you might just end up with some nice conversation, which can be nice all on its own. You might also make that person's day by noticing and approaching them. If a person (male or female) decides in their mind ahead of time that they can approach a person for the sake of bieng nice and conversing it takes the pressure off if it doesn't lead to exchanging numbers and can help a person gain practice in being more social and assertive. Very very few people will say 'go away, i dont want to be bothered" and they will be pleasant whether there is an attraction or not, so there isn't a whole lot to lose and a lot to potentially be gained by going outside of your comfort zone. Of course it would be a perfect world if we were only approached by someone we might be interested in dating but that is not realistic and will only lead to bitter feelings like we see on some threads here. Link to comment
laisla Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 ^ yep, that is what i do. i am social and if i notice a guy (or girl) i'll compliment and talk to them for a bit, but never had any dating intentions from random encounters. sometimes it's just nice to give attention, and to make someone's day. Link to comment
Cloudyday Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 I think it would be great for more women to approach men and be direct, however the problem for me then would be that I'd have to reject ones I don't find attractive and I find it hard to reject people, especially girls who have an interest in me that I can't reciprocate. So, really I'd just like the perfect-for-me girl to just appear out of nowhere in front of me with bells ringing in the background, doves flying everywhere, and an orchestra playing like in the movies and we'd live happily ever after . Simple request no? Link to comment
Stuffy Nose Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 I think it would be great for more women to approach men and be direct, however the problem for me then would be that I'd have to reject ones I don't find attractive and I find it hard to reject people, especially girls who have an interest in me that I can't reciprocate. So, really I'd just like the perfect-for-me girl to just appear out of nowhere in front of me with bells ringing in the background, doves flying everywhere, and an orchestra playing like in the movies and we'd live happily ever after . Simple request no? Funny you say that, because it happened to me the other day. Link to comment
Phillychaz Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 So many head games people play I dont understand why. Just be yourself and be honest. Hi. My name is Chaz. I saw you standing here and I thought I would come over and say Hi. Positive response - Stay and chat, Negative response - Later. Link to comment
Tru_Justice Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 ok, we've just had this huge discussion on how women must start doing their own homework, so... BOYS (more specifically the shy ones), how do you feel when a woman approaches you? how would you feel? more important: how would you react to that? If it happens, I am not bothered by it. And chances are, even if I am not attracted to them I'll still stand and talk for a while. That's because I appreciate her building up enough courage to come over and talk to me. I know what that's like. Link to comment
agatha Posted January 23, 2009 Author Share Posted January 23, 2009 this is turning out to be ever interesting. latest results I got (1 week, 4 guys) were that every time I approached a guy that was apparently available, we'd be cool enough around each other and all, but things didn't develop. one of them is still recovering from a broken heart, fine enough, I don't like to get rebound. we'd keep talking to each other on the following days, hanging out and all. none of them made it to kiss. 2 of them apparently got their guts to ask other girls out, and now are my friends. the fourth one still hasn't made his mind on what he wants, and probably will remain as friend. I feel like lucky chuck (without the sex X p) Link to comment
DN Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 This is about the average success rate for most guys. Link to comment
yahoo2 Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 Welcome to what guys experience. Most women guys approach flake, give fake phone numbers, agree to a date but don't show, aren't interested, or something else. Most dates men ask for are turned down or just don't work out. That's the odds. Rejection is a common theme in life. Since males are expected to "lead" in so many things - asking for a date, initiating the kiss, initiating sex, etc, etc. they're expected to face more rejection than women do. And they do. They may not like it, but they don't have much choice. Gender roles are written in stone - just see how resistant women are to the idea of approaching men. They advise against it and given their druthers they won't engage in it. Who can blame them? Rejection sucks. Link to comment
agatha Posted January 23, 2009 Author Share Posted January 23, 2009 you know what's worst? there are actually 3 guys really interested in me, who have been asking me out on dates for the last couple of months consistently, and even tried going for a kiss. but I just couldn't go further with them. go figure... either way, I'm not complaining on anything. just thought it would be interesting to prove the point that we stand on even grounds when in the same position; that it's not easier on girls, even when they're hot, smart and nice (but not modest at all X D). Link to comment
DN Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 So it pretty much evens out then. Link to comment
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