agatha Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 ok, we've just had this huge discussion on how women must start doing their own homework, so... BOYS (more specifically the shy ones), how do you feel when a woman approaches you? how would you feel? more important: how would you react to that? Link to comment
COtuner Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 And be honest, not macho Link to comment
doyathink Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Are you only directing this to boys, or men too? Link to comment
agatha Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 Are you only directing this to boys, or men too? XY bearers. (hehehe, sorry for that. I was going to use guys, but that was double-meaning, so went for boys instead of men. is it clearer now?) Link to comment
doyathink Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 XY bearers. (hehehe, sorry for that. I was going to use guys, but that was double-meaning, so went for boys instead of men. is it clearer now?) hahaa ... Link to comment
CaptainPlanet Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Honestly I think it is the right thing to do. Women are liberated and equal to men so they should do their fair share. If I wasn't interested I would like to be approached because it would be a confidence boost. That being said, a lot of women already do approach particularly men in a nightclub setting. I think it is ridiculous and hypocritical of women to expect men to do all the work. Yet expect equal rights in a relationship. Link to comment
jss1100 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Well, I would be absolutely flattered if a reasonably attractive female approached me and flirted. I think I would respond very favorably. And would appreciate her for taking the initiative. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 My guess is men are flattered by being approached and by being asked out. in my experiences although men typically are flattered by being asked out, they usually don't choose the woman who asks (especially if she asks for more than one date) for a relationship. As far as being "approached" I would think that gender doesn't matter but what does matter is context and timing - if it's out of the blue on the street it might be flattering but not prompt anything further than a brief conversation - if it is in an environment where people are supposed to be mingling, I would think it wouldn't make much of a difference who initiates a conversation. Even less of a difference if it happened during a shared activity or sport. Link to comment
COtuner Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Ya know... lesbians do it.... hadn't really gotten into that perspective, but there's a case where the woman has to do it eventually. Anyway, guys, would you mind talking age as well? Meaning if you're in your twenties, thirties, etc? Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Didn't realize approaching was such hard work...give me a break. It's not a big deal. Men would only be flattered if they found the girl attractive. However, I doubt the world would be a better place if women approached men. It wouldn't make dating any easier. Link to comment
COtuner Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Personally I have a thing for older women so even mid 40s wouldn't scare me away. I was thinking more from the perspective of norms for guys at different ages. Like if the 50somethings are more traditional and certain twentysomethings may want the women to always do this instead of the men... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I would disagree with them, not in my eyes. That's fine although I know of only one happy long term relationship where the woman did most of the asking out in the beginning - and many many one date wonders or short term flings where the woman took that approach. The one I know about I read about in a major newspaper a few years ago - and it made the paper because it was so unusual. Obviously there are exceptions - you sound like one - and I've heard men say they would love it and it wouldn't matter but in reality it typically doesn't work out when it starts out that way. I suppose a man who prefers to be passive in a dating relationship would welcome a woman who did more of the asking and planning. Link to comment
COtuner Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Batya - that's what always worries me about doing this. That the guy, even in 2009, will assume I am "easy" and it could affect the dynamics of things. Maybe location helps - bar vs bookstore, hockey game vs auto repair shop. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Batya - that's what always worries me about doing this. That the guy, even in 2009, will assume I am "easy" and it could affect the dynamics of things. Maybe location helps - bar vs bookstore, hockey game vs auto repair shop. I don't think the assumption is "easy" but it takes away the guy's typical role - whether he wants to admit it or not - and it is unsettling for the guy. I've had that conversation with guy friends many times "oh it was so great - she came over to me and then suggested getting together - wow, so impressive" but then there were always these doubts, sense of discomfort, later where typically the man wasn't sure what was "off" but it sort of knocked the wind out of his sails. Link to comment
whes Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I'm interested in hearing the responses... I'm in a position where, if I want to be with this guy, I'm going to be the one making the majority of the advances, and it's a bit uncomfortable, to be honest! I'm just not used to it. Link to comment
jss1100 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I think that both genders should work on feeling comfortable enough to at least lightly flirt or find some way to communicate that they are interested in a person. I think this should be a lot less about gender in general. Boy or Girl, Man or Woman, we should all probably work on being confident enough to work towards what we want in relationships. If a person finds someone attractive and knows they are available and you think you two may be compatible... go for it, don't wait for them to make the first move. Communicate your interest in some way. Or you can keep waiting and hoping and wondering. Sometimes you have to take a little risk. I am 26 btw. Couldnt find how to add my age to my profile. Everyone must understand that males and females are far more alike than they are different. We both have to struggle and learn how to be confident enough to approach potential mates. Link to comment
Crush85 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 ok, we've just had this huge discussion on how women must start doing their own homework, so... BOYS (more specifically the shy ones), how do you feel when a woman approaches you? how would you feel? more important: how would you react to that? In this day and age I think it's great when a girl steps up and approach a guy. "gender roles" shouldn't apply in a situation like this because I believe the pursuit should be back and forth. If a girl approaches me, then I should be the one to make the first phone call, and then it's back and forth from there. Men would only be flattered if they found the girl attractive. Same goes for women. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 In this day and age I think it's great when a girl steps up and approach a guy. "gender roles" shouldn't apply in a situation like this because I believe the pursuit should be back and forth. If a girl approaches me, then I should be the one to make the first phone call, and then it's back and forth from there. Same goes for women. Yep, not debating that at all. Link to comment
george237 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I absolutly love it. I find it so sexy and it's sad it rarely happens from a girl I find attractive. Unfortunatley for me I usually get hit on by women 30 years older then me, sad. Link to comment
doyathink Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Personally I have a thing for older women so even mid 40s wouldn't scare me away. You always have been one of my fav's here. lol jk... Link to comment
Crush85 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Unfortunatley for me I usually get hit on by women 30 years older then me, sad. that's nothing dude. When I was 16, I was doing community service and this 70+ year old lady used to hit on me all the time, lol. No joke. She'd walk by me and squeeze my butt. eewwwwww .. still grosses me out to think about it. Link to comment
george237 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 that's nothing dude. When I was 16, I was doing community service and this 70+ year old lady used to hit on me all the time, lol. No joke. She'd walk by me and squeeze my butt. eewwwwww .. still grosses me out to think about it. Cringe. I was at a pool bar in Miami and this unattractive 50 or 60 yo lady came up and started talking about the book I had on the bar. All fun, I flirted back until she put her arm around me. Thats when I felt like my grandmother was trying to seduce me. I ran to the bathroom with my tail between my legs. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Ugh, old drunk men used to hang around me at the bar that I used to work at. They'd make comments about my body being "so young and healthy". Ewwwwww. I always hated that. Link to comment
doyathink Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 We get hornier the older we get. What can I say. Link to comment
doyathink Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 JK? Boo, I was getting butterflies until I read that part...*sniff* you know you're the love of my life. foreski....wait! what Link to comment
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