Sexual Frustration Alone Enough to Warrant a Break Up?

[Dresdin]

Hey all,

 

In a nut shell:

 

> Been dating this girl for 6 months

> We get along famously

> Understand and respect each others' alone time and moods

> Can talk like adults and not fight like children

> I sincerely wouldn't change anything about her except for one thing

 

My issue is sex:

 

> I want it (very high sex drive)

> She doesn't want it (very low sex drive) - she's still a virgin

> She gives great handjobs, but won't go all the way

 

I am getting increasingly frustrated because of this.

 

Is this one reason enough to break up?

 

-- Dres

[agent1607307371]

As a basic incompatibility, I don't think it's entirely unreasonable.

 

And it beats you pressuring her into doing something she doesn't want to do...

 

Only you can decide whether the sex question beats all the good qualities of the relationship.

[simply complicated]

As a basic incompatibility, I don't think it's entirely unreasonable.

 

And it beats you pressuring her into doing something she doesn't want to do...

 

Only you can decide whether the sex question beats all the good qualities of the relationship.

 

 

I agree with this.

 

I'm in the same position, i've been dating this girl for a few months and shes not putting out either,(also a virgin) I hardly get to see her because of our busy schedules, but when we do, she doesn't wanna do it yet. To be honest, I completely respect that in a girl, but on the other hand, we're only human, we have our needs.

 

But like Agent said, it's up to you to decide wheather or not she's worth waiting for. she sounds like a good girl, and seems as though you two have something really good going, that sorta connection is hard to find, so if you ask me, I say it's worth waiting for.

[COtuner]

I agree with agent. It would not be for me. The relationship is still new.

 

Is there a reason why she is holding out? Does she not feel confident in the relationship? Since you would be her first, it's not unreasonable for her to be worried about that.

[Dresdin]

Thanks for the opinions.

 

I can definitely see where all of you are coming from, and it makes sense.

 

 

@COtuner

 

I would wager that she is holding out for a couple of reasons (that I know of):

 

1. She has some slight self-consciousness issues

 

2. She barely masturbates. This can equate to fear and apprehension due to inexperience with herself (much less, someone else). It also means she is physically, very sensitive.

 

3. She doesn't (for the time being) want to go through the "work" of making penetration go from hurting to feeling good.

 

4. She mentioned that she has "built up" her ideas of what she thinks sex will be like so much that she doesn't want to have it yet. To me, that seems like she doesn't think I can fulfill her fantasies or perform to her "expectations". xD

[COtuner]

Hmm. She's afraid then.

 

She might freak out at this, but her GYN can give her some "tools" to use at home that would then make penetration less difficult for her. They help her to experience what it feels like and there's several different sizes.

 

Will she let you touch her down there? You could practice light touching so she gets used to the sensation. And it might be kind of a turn on for you too

 

If she's just totally petrified, she may need to talk to her GYN (if he / she is a helpful doc) or a counselor.

 

I think being supportive of her for a while longer until you're 100% positive that she just is totally petrified and won't consider any alternatives. Then you reach decision point. But that's just an opinion and I don't know what you've all tried so far.

[agent1607307371]

How old is she?

[nimisaj]

Well, maybe she just isn't ready yet... there are consequences to going all the way. Maybe if she's in school or working or whatever, she could be worried about the emotional drama of it all... you know... women's emotions and all that. I ain't gonna lie... sigh.

 

There's hope for you, though. How old is she? Do you think her age has something to do with it...? (Maturity & whatnot...? Possibly?)

[george237]

You can do whatever makes you happy. She might not want to because she is feeling pressured to do so. Any who is your unhappy find someone else.

[Dresdin]

@COtuner:

 

I'll look into your GYN suggestion. In regards to touching her there, she is fine with it. I've asked her to "guide" my hand so I know what works for her and what doesn't. She has yet to do so. If I start on her first, she seems to enjoy it initially (gentle rubbing, a little fingering), but then she'll start on me and I'll get distracted. Haha.

 

@agent, nimisaj:

 

We're both 20.

[yellow_sweater]

Yeah, she's on the young side. Many young women don't really experience their sexuality until they're not so young (i.e. well into their twenties).

 

You definitely need to handle this carefully. If you think she's worth it, you can use your experience to help her discover her sexuality. OBVIOUSLY, if she EVER tells you to stop, or that she's uncomfortable in any way, then STOP. Being a role model for healthy sexuality doesn't mean you have to force anything on her.

 

Some suggestions:

 

1) Patience.

 

2) I personally didn't masturbate until after I had a few boyfriends who were good with their fingers and tongues. Keep exploring her body with her, on her own terms. Fingers are great, and as she gets used to that, tongues can be even better.

 

3) Patience.

 

4) As she gets more comfortable with doing things OTHER than sex, she will hopefully feel more comfortable with her sexuality and will be open to experiencing different types of sex acts.

 

5) Patience.

 

Also, I should note that if she didn't want to have sex due to some sort of moral or religious belief, then none of this would apply. This is not a guide to getting a "no" girl to change her mind--that is totally out of line. It just sounds like her hesitation is not due to any strong moral or religious opposition, but rather ignorance of human sexuality. Which is ok... everyone learns somehow.

 

Be gentle, be patient, and be very good to her.

YS