shoppingGirl Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 My son came home today and told me that he kissed his girlfriend today on the lips. I didn't know how to handle this....I want to be an open-minded parent so he will feel like he can come to me and tell me things...we are very close. I am afraid if I punish him he will do it anyway and just not tell me. Is it normal for a child his age to do this? How should I handle it as a parent? Link to comment
shikashika Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I played kiss chase in the play ground when I was 9... does that count? I think I kissed a boy when i was 11 or 12, but I didn't know what the hell I was doing.... then it was a few years after that before i did it again.. ha ha Maybe he was telling you because he was proud... not because he's going to go out and buy condoms... Link to comment
avman Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I don't think there is anything to punish him for. This is pretty normal behavior and it's a part of growing up. Link to comment
chocolates Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I dont think it sounds too young in terms of what the rest of the population is doing. Only because nowadays i hear kids are having sex as young as 13. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 The silver lining is that he told you. Be glad you are a parent who has fostered this kind of open communication - don't take that lightly because most kids wouldn't dare tell mom this sort of stuff. This is a good thing... . My kids shared stuff like this with me and i made it a point to not get freaky on them so that when the "big" stuff in their lives occurred they continued to confide in me. It sounds shocking to you, but really it isn't. I kissed my first boy on the lips at like the age of nine LOL. It was just an innocent peck. I don't think you should be very alarmed. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I dont think it sounds too young in terms of what the rest of the population is doing. Only because nowadays i hear kids are having sex as young as 13. Oh gosh, i just told her to not freak out and then you write this! LMAO!!! I can see her now with her hand on her heart! Don't stress (to the OP)...sounds like your kid is open with you.... Link to comment
addictedblue Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Yeah, it's definitely a good thing that he told you about it. Link to comment
blue69 Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I hope my kids will feel this comfortable telling me (or the wife) these things. That is such a positive. Seriously, I think the kids getting in the most trouble, are the ones who don't (wont) talk to their parents about it. You think you are prepared until the day it happens. I will probably freak a little but knowing that this is normal and is to be expected will hopefully help. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 My son came home today and told me that he kissed his girlfriend today on the lips. I didn't know how to handle this....I want to be an open-minded parent so he will feel like he can come to me and tell me things...we are very close. I am afraid if I punish him he will do it anyway and just not tell me. Is it normal for a child his age to do this? How should I handle it as a parent? I'd laugh it off. He's growing up. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Aww, that sounds really cute. A lot of kids start kissing at that age, or way younger. Keep the conversation between you two open. Make sure all his dates are day dates (kids shouldn't have independent night dates until at least 16). I don't think you should freak out but you should make sure that you develop a healthy conversation with him about girls, kissing, and whatever comes down the road. Link to comment
YabbaDabba Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Okay, I can understand that you're weirded out by this, but when I worked as a classroom assistant for summer school, we had ten yr olds kissing in the playhouse at McDonald's. I wasn't even their parent and it freaked me out, lol. But, yeah, kissing at 12 is pretty standard-issue, not for all kids, mind you, but it's definitely not abnormal. Keep in mind, though, it's probably unlikely that they're getting hot and heavy--especially since he came home and told you. My guess is that it's just a milestone that he wanted to tell you about. Oh, and, really--even if you get angry and punish him (which I can't see why you would), you're not going to be around 24/7 to keep him from doing it again. So maybe just have a little talk with him about approprate vs. inappropriate behavior. Also, I'm curious as to whether you were okay with him having a girlfriend or not? When I was that age, me and nearly all of my friends weren't allowed to date (I think 16 yrs. old was the univeral number for us to be allowed). The non-dating thing wasn't a huge issue in my house, though, so I never felt super constrained by it. BUT one of my friends, who had pretty restrictive/conservative parents, went through four boyfriends by the time she was 14. Just some food for thought. Link to comment
Lionel Hutz Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 First time I had sex I was 10. First time I got caught on top of a girl, I was about seven or eight if not younger. My first real kiss was around 10. If I remember correctly, 12 is about sixth grade, so in this day and age, be glad its just kissing. Im in So Cali and things go a little fast here, there are kids here who are making anal sex references at the age of twelve. Explain boundaries, and respect for females like my mom did after she found out what was up, and he will always respect them in most cases. Congratulate and then educate, do not punish him for some biological occurrence he can't help. Link to comment
Supa_gurl Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I was 12 when I had my first "grown up" kiss. The boy was 10...lucky you aren't his Mom. lol. Its normal, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Link to comment
bmwm3 Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Be happy at 12 thats all he is doing... when i was 12-13 i was doing alot more.. and i hear kids these days are even worse... sounds like a natural progression into a teenager... Link to comment
Davie Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I feel so left out. I was 14 xD Link to comment
Mguy92 Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I feel so left out. I was 14 xD LEFT OUT? Guess what? I'm 16 and still going without ever kissing a girl. I don't think I'll ever get to either, sad to say...you lucky bastards Link to comment
Stinkweed Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I feel so left out. I was 14 xD At 21 still haven't done it, LOL. So, to the OP: DO NOT punish him. There's nothing wrong with just a kiss at 12, in my opinion. I agree with the above posters, congratulate then teach boundaries. At 12 I wanted to be kissing girls too, lol... Link to comment
CaptainPlanet Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I think you should be happy. I have never told my parents anything about girls ever and look at me. Aren't I just the perfect example of an emotional stable man. Link to comment
definitely_maybe Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 LEFT OUT? Guess what? I'm 16 and still going without ever kissing a girl. I don't think I'll ever get to either, sad to say...you lucky bastards Easy on the self pity bro. Have some confidence. Link to comment
Cadence_oO Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Aww, that sounds really cute. A lot of kids start kissing at that age, or way younger. Keep the conversation between you two open. Make sure all his dates are day dates (kids shouldn't have independent night dates until at least 16). I don't think you should freak out but you should make sure that you develop a healthy conversation with him about girls, kissing, and whatever comes down the road. Wow, funny you should say this. I feel the same way slightly but my boyfriends daughter just turned 16 and is heavily dating since about 13! independently. To the OP : I know how you must be feeling as if my daughter comes home and says it to me I would have freaked but I know there are kids out there who are having babies at his age! He just had his first kiss and I think that it's very sweet he shared this with you and you should feel very proud for who you'd raised. Link to comment
EQD Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 i think its GREAT that he came to you and is so open with you about these things, it shows you really have a good open relationship with your son. I wouldnt abuse it by punishing him and breaking up that line of communication perhaps forever, just because it makes you a little uneasy. its normal for kids to start kissing when they are 12. and actually before then.. Link to comment
thistime Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 have you had the sex talk with your son? you said the two of you were close, and he did open up to you about the kiss- Are you afraid he will become sexually active? i have an 11 1/2 year old daughter, and quite frankly I think the more knowledge they have about feelings and sexuality, and growing up- the better they are to handle situations as they become teenagers. I was 13 when I was first kissed by a boy..but I didnt go out and start having sex. It was just a kiss, might have even been a peck, who knows-and i dont think he should be punished, nor should you worry. You may want to talk to him tho, find out how much he really knows about sex, (you may be uncomfortably surprised!) and just tell him that you are having a hard time envisioning your "young man" kissing a girl, and you want to make sure he knows all the important things about growing up and having those feelings for another person...and when it is appropriate to act on them...or NOT. Knowledge is power... Link to comment
Mguy92 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Easy on the self pity bro. Have some confidence. I really wish I had confidence. Sadly, I don't, and I know confidence doesn't develop overnight. I have nothing to make me confident in myself. Link to comment
shoppingGirl Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 have you had the sex talk with your son? you said the two of you were close, and he did open up to you about the kiss- Are you afraid he will become sexually active?.. Thankyou for all the great advice! Everyone pretty much echoed my own thoughts on him kissing. I have always been a very open-minded parent...I wanted my children to see me as someone they can always talk to and not be judged....although there is a fine line between being this way and then knowing when to step up and use your authority if you need too. I did not "punish" him...I talked to him and explained why i was concerned but that i thought it was really cool that he felt he could talk to me...and i was proud of him. I told him everything he needs to know about sex...at about 11 we had a lot of discussions. He asked me what a wet dream was...and yes...i had to explain that one...lol! I have talked to him about the importance of waiting to have sex...and about protection...std's ...the whole thing. Thanks again for the input! Link to comment
thistime Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I remember being a freshman in High school, and having to tell a fellow classmate about menstruation...she was freaking out in the girls locker room. I couldnt believe her Mother hadnt talked to her about any of that stuff...and she was 15...so I vowed I would never lie or mislead or misinform my child. of course the "what are condoms for' and "what does oral sex mean?" are uncomfortable questions, but I would rather have her hear the truth from me, then hear other kids' her ages interpretaion of what they think sex is!! the horror!! You and your son sound like you have a great relationship, and I am sure he will be wise in his choices, and be able to come to you if he is confused, and know you will be straight with him...Isnt being a parent a life lesson in itself? what a joy.... Link to comment
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