bartender69 Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Hey guys. Ive been reading these forums for awhile, i figured i can use some support and this is a great place. A lil about my story. I got out of a three year relationship back in march, and its been tough. worst part is, i got her a job as a waitress at one of our other bars. She started dating again immediately, and im happy for her honestly. I still love her and miss her, but its one of those things that it just doesnt work out i guess. I was just so selfish throughout the relationship. Ive been busting my butt for 3 years trying to buy a house, and now that its imminent, its weird knowing she isnt going to be apart of it. I was doing well for awhile, even thought about dating again. Ive been single for like 8 months or so, and i felt like i was ready to move on. But recently, i was talking to my boss. he said he was going to fire her cause shes such a b1tch and a miserable person. I kinda felt bad, i defended her asking him not to fire her. shes a good girl, single mother. So i sent her a text, broke NC. it got angry. she was rubbing it in my face how great her new guy is, how happy she is, etc etc. anyway, in the end, i shouldve just let it be. i feel like day one all over again, getting over it. Can just use some support guys. thank you. Link to comment
aeschylus Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I'd hate to be this blunt, but "F&CK HER" This is one of my real fears, that my ex is happily trashing me. That she would rub in my face that she feels nothing while I have been miserable for 6 months. The truth is - SHE IS NOT A GOOD PERSON if she would do that to you. I have been forced to come to a similar conclusion under different circumstances. Sometimes we are blind about what our exes are like because we still love them despite the flaws. But when their flaws start to make us miserable we need to accept it and just say F&CK IT Link to comment
bartender69 Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 well to be honest with you i did set myself up for it. I kinda made fun of him. i mean shes 29 hes 24, hes a kid! but its ok, i mean as long as shes happy. but i will go no contact from now on. I just need some support thats all. I live a tough life..i work two jobs, all my friends are engaged already, and i really have no one to talk to. strange when your a bartender too. i meet 300 people a night and have no one to turn to in the end. im also one of those dwellers, im still dwelling in it...i know it will never work out as much as i want it to...or maybe im just really lonely u know? Link to comment
riley123 Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 She's your ex. I can understand trying to help someone but you've done your part. She's not a good worker -- I wouldn't stick your neck out for someone who doesn't have a strong work ethic. Forget about her -- go and stay NC. Good luck. Link to comment
aeschylus Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 well to be honest with you i did set myself up for it. I kinda made fun of him. i mean shes 29 hes 24, hes a kid! but its ok, i mean as long as shes happy. but i will go no contact from now on. I just need some support thats all. I live a tough life..i work two jobs, all my friends are engaged already, and i really have no one to talk to. strange when your a bartender too. i meet 300 people a night and have no one to turn to in the end. im also one of those dwellers, im still dwelling in it...i know it will never work out as much as i want it to...or maybe im just really lonely u know? I know about feeling lonely. It sucks. But you can get over it, hard to believe as it is, you can and will get over it. The thing that will get to her most is when she finds out that you tried to help save her job. That you would do something kind for her despite the pain of everything else. Link to comment
John Bendix Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 It really does not matter what "kind" of person she is or your judgment of her. It is her present actions that are toxic. I know that thinking about her in this vain can bring forth some unpleasant emotions. But if you denounce her actions instead judging her as a person (that you have known intimately), it seems to diminsh the pain. You ae not a day 1, it just that the emotions that you have recently produced will be similiar to ones that you have experienced before and thus the association. What you have learned through the healing process will take you through it faster if you do not judge yourself for having a bump in the road. Link to comment
bartender69 Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 ya i hear ya. I mean part of me just wanted to stay the course and stay on NC. But part of me wouldve felt guilty if i didnt try. I knew what would happen. I knew that the texts would get bad and she would rub it in my face how happy she is, how great he is, even as far to say he is the best sex she ever had. Im like..UGH u know? Im sure u guys are right, it will pass..things will get better..i know ill laugh about this one day. this isnt my first dance with heartache. I work out constantly, make good money, and ill land on my feet. just sux cause she literally works next door to me on the weekends. i can see her at be brought back at any given moment, get upset etc etc. Link to comment
John Bendix Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 ya i hear ya. I mean part of me just wanted to stay the course and stay on NC. But part of me wouldve felt guilty if i didnt try. I knew what would happen. I knew that the texts would get bad and she would rub it in my face how happy she is, how great he is, even as far to say he is the best sex she ever had. Im like..UGH u know? Im sure u guys are right, it will pass..things will get better..i know ill laugh about this one day. this isnt my first dance with heartache. I work out constantly, make good money, and ill land on my feet. just sux cause she literally works next door to me on the weekends. i can see her at be brought back at any given moment, get upset etc etc. I tried to help my X (of 25 years) because she was so distraught. She did everything she could to "punish" me for her perceived life. I kept calm and tried to help her while she was doing everything she could to get away from me. I was emotionally, mentally and physically distraught (to the point of life threatening proportions) but I would do it all over again to help her. She is still in the same shape as when she left. There is nothing I can do about it but stay away, the best I can, from her toxic behavior. Link to comment
bartender69 Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 I just cant believe how tough this is. I mean i feel empty all over again. U know that feeling where you feel hopeless? Ive been trying to do this the right way. I didnt date right away, still havent really. Ive been assessing myself and what i want and need from myself and a relationship. meanwhile shes so happy immediately after getting out of our relationship. Ive been waiting for my time and its just not coming. Link to comment
big sigh Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Yeah, sounds familiar. I just broke NC too, I don't know what's going to happen. But this place is a good place to talk, so many people going through similar stuff. Almost everything I read I'm like, "yeah, I feel the same way" or "that happened to me". My relationship was a little over 3 years, I was working two jobs and going to school toward the end, working so I could get a car and preparing to make a family. Haha, didn't work out so well, but anyway, keep posting on here and sharing, it's helpful for people on here and hopefully for you also. Link to comment
John Bendix Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I just cant believe how tough this is. I mean i feel empty all over again. U know that feeling where you feel hopeless? Ive been trying to do this the right way. I didnt date right away, still havent really. Ive been assessing myself and what i want and need from myself and a relationship. meanwhile shes so happy immediately after getting out of our relationship. Ive been waiting for my time and its just not coming. Remember when it comes to intimate relationship breakdowns; Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear. With your and your bosses' description, do not sound like she is happy. She may appear that way to you but.... And just to add, so what? Her emotional state has nothing what so ever to do with your emotions. Link to comment
bartender69 Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 Ya I understand that..just wish things would turn around for me too. Link to comment
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