kayamoyan Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 A friend of my father's told me that there are certain deal breakers in a relationship but he didn't get specific. Was just wondering what exactly are they? When I say deal breakers, am referring to all things being perfect but then your partner does that and you absolutely have to break up. Is there really a rule like that? or is it different for everyone? If yes, what are examples of your deal breakers? Link to comment
savignon Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I think deal-breakers are different for everyone but my therapist told me once that the only "deal-breakers" he recognizes are drug use, violence and criminal history. I would argue that within that group, some of those people can change, but each person would have to consider what is a deal breaker for themselves. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 -Emotionally unavailable -Addictions (drugs, alcohol, food, etc) -Bad with children -Abusive -No drive -unable to take care of himself -cheats I have many deal breakers. But, all of them, I feel, are needed. Link to comment
25thfloor Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 any easy way to do this is start a list: 10 things that would be 'can live with' and then 10 'deal breakers'. start with 50 things that are 'must haves' and then you whittle down to 10 must haves, 10 deal breakers and 10 can live with. you'll find that most things go in the can live with' column. but your 10 deal breakers will be very specific. you will never engage in a relationship with someone 'wrong' again, because you will have this list. a couple of deal breakers for me: must be present for the relationship..no drugs or alcohol abuse; no lying; must believe in a God; does not want children. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Treats me bad, lies to me, abuses me, cheats on me, won't compromise to make us both happy, has no ambition, doesn't like animals Link to comment
riley123 Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 -Emotionally unavailable -Addictions (drugs, alcohol, food, etc) -Bad with children -Abusive -No drive -unable to take care of himself -cheats I have many deal breakers. But, all of them, I feel, are needed. This is pretty much what I would list too. Link to comment
lostlostlost Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 1. Cheating 2. Lying 3. Alcoholism 4. Pornography 5. Anger issues 6. Emotional abuse/Verbal abuse 7. Being bad in bed! This takes communication and time for both parties to hone, but men who think women like getting 'drilled' and spoken to like they see in porn movies have a real shocker in store when it comes to learning how to really make love to their partner! Instant turn-off! Out you go! Link to comment
McLovin oo7 Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Lack of understanding Lack of compatibility Lies Abusive Lack of mutual respect Addiction Lack of critical thinking Link to comment
Lamprey Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 My deal breakers for women I've dated: - lazy - cheats - minds pornography - minds recreational drugs - won't keep her religion to herself - puts on too much weight I'm pretty easy to please Link to comment
buckdawg Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 my list is short: -doesn't like Ohio State all else is forgiveable Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 A friend of my father's told me that there are certain deal breakers in a relationship but he didn't get specific. Was just wondering what exactly are they? When I say deal breakers, am referring to all things being perfect but then your partner does that and you absolutely have to break up. Is there really a rule like that? or is it different for everyone? If yes, what are examples of your deal breakers? They are not going to be universal. My dealbreakers might not be yours, and so on... For some a potential longterm partner who wants kids might be a dealbreaker. For another person NOT wanting kids might be...for some if the person drinks it is a no, for others if they smoke it's a no...for others it isn't even an issue. You have to decide what your top three to five dealbreakers are and those should be the values in life you value the most and try to be realistic on them, and ask yourself how flexible you can be for each one should you find someone not 100% in line... Everyone typically has a couple of top things that just are not negotiable. For me, for instance, if i were single and embarking on a potential longterm relationship if the guy really wanted kids, that's a deal breaker. For many women this would not be. For me another one is a decent job...the flexibility i have here is if someone was unemployed due to a layoff and working hard to get back out there and change that... Link to comment
COtuner Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 For me: 1. cheating 2. emotionally abusive 3. drugs or excessive drinking 4. controlling 5. wants kids / has kids 6. lack of curiosity about life / no interest in learning anything new 7. chronically unemployed by choice 8. obsessed with porn 9. can't manage money / shopaholic Link to comment
rbr85 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 1. Being religious 2. Being anti-drug 3. Being a drug addict 4. Having a kid 5. Not having a car 6. Not willing to be sexual Link to comment
confused_255 Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 1. lying 2. cheating 3. being anti-drug 4. being uptight/non outgoing 5. addicted to drugs 6. alcoholic 7. her having anger problems Link to comment
ran81 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 has a kid/kids cheating or cheating on past boyfriends demanding controlling Link to comment
UCLAMike Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 -Emotionally unavailable -Addictions (drugs, alcohol, food, etc) -Bad with children -Abusive -No drive -unable to take care of himself -cheats I have many deal breakers. But, all of them, I feel, are needed. and i supposed you have the superior qualities of a woman with such demands? Link to comment
zachiphus Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 and i supposed you have the superior qualities of a woman with such demands? Those aren't superior qualities.... They are preferences, plus there's nothing superior about them, it is easy to find someone to fit into her category... edit: My reasons for break up -cheating -no ambition -no car -becoming too attached too soon -drug use -alcoholic -talks about their ex's -not religious -just plain stupid -can't function on their own -apathetic about everything -doesn't learn from their mistakes Link to comment
ladybug726 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 1. addictions (I tend to be lenient on smoking though.) 2. lying 3. cheating 4. has children 5. divorced 6. no vehicle 7. asks for a threesome (if that ever comes out of his mouth, I'm outta there) Link to comment
ladybug726 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 and i supposed you have the superior qualities of a woman with such demands? UCLA, are you telling us that you are emotionally unavailable, have addictions, are bad with children, are abusive, have no car, are unable to take care of yourself and cheat, by becoming defensive? Just kidding! Link to comment
Elsewhere Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 Alright now - my bf is basically a combination of what y'all listed! Except for cheating. I definitely agree with what you've listed - and I still can't let him go!!! it's just that stupid love. If you love someone but he has a deal breaker about him - what do you do? walk away killing your heart??? Link to comment
ladybug726 Posted January 17, 2009 Share Posted January 17, 2009 what do you do? walk away killing your heart??? Pretty much. Accept that because of those dealbreakers, eventually he would have broken your heart and it's easier to suck it up and deal with it now, rather than later. Unless they aren't your deal breakers at all. Just because they're ours doesn't mean they apply to everyone... Link to comment
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