She's now broken 10 days of n/c and I now feel terrible :(

[Newto]

As the title says, 2months after the split and 10 days into my healing by n/c, she sends me an email to let me know she has some of my things at her house which she'll bring for me tomorrow. I always knew they were there, but kinda held a little hope that as they were still there, she would still be thinking about me and a possible reconcilliation. Now that I know she wants to hand my stuff back, (nothing essential) I feel terrible.

 

I'm going to email her back and tell her to just throw them away, but her email has left me physically shaking and feeling dry in the mouth

 

I thought my healing was going so well, I guess not.

[zrehman]

Hello my friend

 

I'm sorry to see you like this. I think we have all been there 1 time or another.

 

1 thing that you cannot have in a break up is "hope". You having hope that she will miss you or think of you, etc. will not help you move forward or let you heal.

 

If those personal things of yours are not needed by you. I would email her right away and just tell her that you don't need them and she can throw them out. You need to put your foot down NOW and start NC.

 

The sooner you start, the faster you will heal.

 

Just don't wish or hope that your ex is missing you, thinking of you, etc.. We all do that from time to time, trust me even I do that. But doing that will just keep you from moving forward and healing.

 

Best of luck my friend!

[Newto]

I totally agree with the above post, and emailed her back saying that my things could be thrown away. She then came to my desk (we're co-workers) and told me what I had left at her house (old t-shirts etc). I told her to donate them to charity and thought she would then be gone. But she decides to start telling me how she's been poorly over the weekend and is still not feeling on top of the world, struggling to take her dog out for walks. I half jokingly said that I miss her dog and would like to take him for a last walk to say goodbye, to which she replied 'why would it have to be a last walk?' 'If you miss him, why not come to visit him?' I didn't reply and I could see tears welling up in her eyes. She always seems to get emotional when we talk about anything, it doesn't even have to be related to the split.

 

Bearing in mind that she is the one who broke up with me, and has been giving me what I consider, mixed signals for the past two months, it is these types of comments from her that make me cling on to a little hope. I know it's wrong to do so, and in order to let myself heal, I told her we should keep out of each others way, to which she agreed.

 

But as she's done before, she keeps breaking n/c and it drives me mad not knowing whether she is just being cautious, playing games, or really wants me out of her life.

 

I'm going to continue what I have been doing and resume n/c again. I refuse to be hung up on this girl (even though I still clearly am!) but if I can keep telling myself this, hopefully it will start to sink in and I can begin to move on.

[zrehman]

Good job my friend ... you played it well.

 

I think your best approach is to not let her bring your personal items back to you and either have them thrown out or given to charity.

 

Also, since you are co-workers. I would call her up after work and let her know that at work you would only like to converse about work related things and nothing else. If at work she decides to talk about something outside of work, interrupt her and just let her know that you asked a simple request and you want her to respect your wishes.

 

Put your foot down now, don't let the dumper toy with your or any of our emotions. It's time to be strong and move on!

[Newto]

Good job my friend ... you played it well.

 

I think your best approach is to not let her bring your personal items back to you and either have them thrown out or given to charity.

 

Also, since you are co-workers. I would call her up after work and let her know that at work you would only like to converse about work related things and nothing else. If at work she decides to talk about something outside of work, interrupt her and just let her know that you asked a simple request and you want her to respect your wishes.

 

Put your foot down now, don't let the dumper toy with your or any of our emotions. It's time to be strong and move on!

 

Hey zrehman, thanks for your reply. I agree, it is time to be strong and move on and not let her play with my emotions. I wont be calling her to clarify things any further though. 10 days ago I asked her not to contact me, she said that was fine. Today she contacts me to tell me she'll hand over my stuff. She obviously does not respect my wishes when I tell her to leave me alone.

 

In some ways, I think her latest excuse was just that..an excuse to break n/c because I have moved from trying to be with her, to dropping off the face of the earth. The fact that she gets emotional when she talks to me tells me that there are still some feelings there, no matter how cold she acts. But I've done all the chasing I'm going to do now and dont want to go down the same route of lc, followed by me getting my hopes up again.

 

While I'd desperately love to be with her again, my head is telling me that this probably wont happen. She tells me that she doesn't want to be with me anymore, but her actions say something different. I'm tired of trying to interpret her every action and unless she categorically states that she wants to try again, I'm going to take her words at face value and (attempt to!) continue rebuilding my life without her in it. It's hard though!!

[SpeedingCars]

Good. Maintaining NC = maintaining your dignity.

 

It's hard, but it is NOT impossible. You can do it It'll take time, but it's definitely within reach.