Why do you think girls can be so cruel sometimes?

[Aaron20b]

I have been in many situations where girls were so cold to me and I never really understand. So I want to help understand it. so I am going to make up a story about a guy talking to this girl but the girl is cold towards him and I want you guys to explain to me why she behaved the way she did.

 

This story is going to be long and yes a similar situation did happen for real. not exactly, but somewhat similar.

 

 

There was this guy name Tom that went to college and he would often go to the library to study. He noticed this cute asian girl. he went up to her and said hi. She said hi back. but she was still focused on her study book. The guy asked her what she was reading and she said "why?" The guy said " well I was just curious " The girl didn't say anything. So the guy gave up and sat back down. The next day Tom saw her chatting with a few guys on at a table. He noticed that one of the guys at the table was a friend of his. So he went over to greet his friend. then he greet the cute asian girl. but the cute asian girl wasn't paying attention so the guy said "Hey ain't you going to say hi to me?" the girl said "ok Hi Tom..jeez" in an irritated tune. The cute asian girl focused his attention back to the other guys, although she seemed a little out of it. she was kinda quiet and didn't talk.

 

Tom told the cute asian girl that she was beautiful. She said "yeah right I am not beautiful" =/

 

The cute asian girl said she hated going to the beach because she hates guys checking her out. So Tom said "You don't like guys?" The girl replied "I do like guys what are you talking about" so Tom said "Then why don't you like guys checking you out at the beach?" she replied "Maybe because I don't have time for guys. DUH!!"

 

Tom was hurt by that rude responds. This implies that she thinks he is stupid.

 

 

Tom said "You don't have time for guys? then how are you sitting here talking to us?" She replied "Why do you keep asking a bunch of stupid questions? I don't want to talk to you"

 

Tom was upset. he didn't understand why she was being so mean to him. he only wanted to start a conversation with her. but it just didn't work. it seemed like everytime he tried talking to her it just made things worse. He came back an hour later to try again. This time she was alone. He noticed that her nose was kinda redish. Tom said "Hey your nose is red" Asian girl said "your point?" Tom replied "are you Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer?" The Asian girl gave him a disgusted look and said "if you are going to keep saying stupid things. go away"

 

Tom said " it was a compliment. you don't like the thought of being a cute little raindeer" she said "um..no" Tom asked her why she was being so cold towards him. She said "because you ask stupid questions"

 

Tom left. never to try and talk to her again...

 

 

So why did the girl behave in such a way to Tom?

[annie24]

the girl wasn't interested in tom. i hate stupid questions myself. 'you have a red nose' falls under the category of stupid things to say to a girl.

[liquer]

image removed

 

Yeah, was looking through a book on sculpture with some female friends and they giggled about how small he was. I, stupidly said there was nothing wrong with him and they all started teasing me!

[skittlesfae]

Why's it gotta be Tom, huh? And why she have to be Asian? Kidding.

 

Well... I myself have been a bit cold and stuff to guys because a lot of times, I think they are just trying to hit on me or something, rather than start a friendly conversation... And I feel extremely uncomfortable with the idea of guys hitting on me or even looking at me for some reason. From her 'beach' comment, maybe she's the same way? Could also be she has been having a bit of a rough time lately, and doesn't feel like talking to you, or something. Or maybe she is just easily annoyed perhaps?

 

That's about the best I can come up with....

[Iceman26]

I agree. It sounds like Tom needs to learn how to have interpersonal communications with other people. I winced just reading some of the things Tom said.

[bmwm3]

because they can be... some of them think there the best thing since sliced bread...

[LanceVanceDance]

Tom's problem is that he can't take a hint. The girl implied many times, and right from the start, that she wasn't interested in talking to him, yet he kept coming back for more, over and over again. He should have given up and switched his attention to another girl a lot sooner.

 

I also agree that telling a girl her nose is red (when you aren't on friendly/joking terms) is always a bad idea.

[Seymore]

I've had that problem...we as guys do it too sometimes, but I've had girls do some cold, COLD things to me. I made a date with a girl at a coffee shop in the mall once and she agreed to it, I'd been talking to her for months. So I tell her I'll pick her up at 9 on Friday when she gets off work. I show up at 8:50 and her friends are there. She says "we're closing" or something like that. I tell her I know, and that I'm picking her up to go out. She laughs at me in front of her friends and says "I'm not going out with YOU!"

 

And there's been situations like yours too - where they just don't want to talk to me, because they think I'm hitting on them or whatever reason, but I'm just trying to be friendly. It takes a lot for a shy guy like me to talk to a girl, and it's like they don't care one bit. Not everyone's trying to hit on you...be friendly for once!!! And I don't say crazy stuff, either. I'll just talk about some new CD or movie that came out, just try to chat and be friendly.

 

And since I used to be such a pushover, sometimes the girls in question would even come up to me later after blowing me off and ask me to do a favor for them, like can I burn this CD for them, etc. The first girl I mentioned asked me a couple weeks later to run to the music store and buy a mixtape for her because she already went on break. Unbelievable.

[Iceman26]

I tell her I know, and that I'm picking her up to go out. She laughs at me in front of her friends and says "I'm not going out with YOU!"

 

Ouch man. I would've said something not so nice and sweet to her.

[DaBladeRoden]

Yes, girls can be contradictory at times, but there comes a time during her constantly telling you not to talk to her that you must consider whether or not keeping talking to her would be the most effective strategy.

[Mutley]

Moral of the story....Tom was being a dork. Good for him for having the guts to make the initial approach....but being that cold pick ups hardly ever work, it's not surprising she blew him off. He should of let it be at that point and not come back the next day acting creepy.

 

of course, IMHO.

[Lucy__lou]

Ok, I'm going to go through this piece by piece. And I'm not going to sugar coat anything.

 

All in all, it looks like this guy has very poor social skills, and doesn't know how to approach a woman without behaving in a way which is disturbing. I would suggest he does not approach any women with the intention of befriending them or getting dates or whatever. I know that's harsh, but this guy really doesn't know how to do this in a harmless way. He should stand back and let them approach him, because he clearly doesn't have the awareness of what the difference is between friendliness and harassment.

 

I have been in many situations where girls were so cold to me

 

Evilken, remember, No girl owes you warmth. No girl owes you anything., especially a girl who is not your friend. The way you look at it is a problem. Remember, she is minding her own business, and she owes you nothing. What reason does she have to offer you warmth? What have you done that is so wonderful that she should offer you warmth?

 

He noticed this cute asian girl. The library is a place where one goes to study/ find books. It is traditionally a quiet place, where one expects to be left alone. It is not appropriate to go to the library to make new friends, and it is not appropriate to go to the library to check people out. One expects to be left alone when in the library. And another thing. The fact that you describe the girl as the "cute asian girl" suggests that you are objectifying her (which is disrespectful), and fetishising her ethnicity (which is further objectifying her). And that's disrespecting her and not seeing her as a person, but as a piece of ass.

 

 

he went up to her and said hi. I would think it was weird and innapropriate of some stranger to come up and say hi to me in a library. I would be annoyed.

 

The guy asked her what she was reading

 

As I said, going up to strangers in the library and trying to start conversations with them is inappropriate and weird. Only the very very smooth could get away with it. If at all.

 

"Hey ain't you going to say hi to me?"

 

remember, this girl has no obligation to talk to you.

 

Tom told the cute asian girl that she was beautiful.

 

That's really disrespectful and inappropriate. It's creepy, it's rude, it's uncalled for. What does she care if you, some creepy weirdo who thinks it's ok to just go up and talk to strangers in the library thinks she's beautiful? saying that shows her that you've been checking her out, and is liable to make her feel objectified and self conscious. No girl should feel like that in a library of all places. If she can't feel safe from the sexualised gaze of men in the library, where can she?

 

Tom said "Then why don't you like guys checking you out at the beach?"

 

Don't you think women have the right to live their lives without feeling like men are leering at them and checking them out. It's creepy to have men check you out. If it wasn't creepy and disturbing, then there wouldn't be an industry for strip clubs, which rely on the fact that you have to pay money to ogle a woman wearing not much. It's gross.

 

Tom was hurt by that rude responds. This implies that she thinks he is stupid. Remember, this girl never asked for Tom to come and speak to her. If he feels like she thinks he's stupid, he brought it upon himself by approaching her.

 

 

I don't want to talk to you" This is Tom's cue to leave her alone and not bother her again.

 

He came back an hour later to try again. She's explicitly told Tom she doesn't want to talk to him, yet he approaches her a second time. This is harassment. If someone tells you to leave them alone, you leave them alone!

"you don't like the thought of being a cute little raindeer"

 

referring to her as cute is going to make her feel objectified, and highlights the act that Tom is checking her out and talking to her because he thinks she's cute, which is a creepy thing to experience for a woman when she's clearly indicated to the guy that she doesn't want to interact with him.

 

I vaguely remember a post or two from you months ago, where I think you said you have aspergers or something?

 

I don't know hardley anything about aspergers, but I suggest that you become very well educated on your condition so that you can learn where your main weaknesses are and avoid getting yourself into big trouble, (and harming others).

 

Seriously, with your lack of awareness of what's not ok in terms of approaching people, I think you're at risk of raping or sexually assaulting, or at least sexually harassing people, if you haven't done so already.

 

If you can see a professional, that would be good too. But please, educate yourself about your condition. Read lots and think about it in the context of your interactions with people. And in the mean time, stay away from women.

[Seymore]

I have been in many situations where girls were so cold to me

 

No girl owes you warmth. No girl owes you anything., especially a girl who is not your friend. The way you look at it is a problem. Remember, she is minding her own business, and she owes you nothing. What reason does she have to offer you warmth? What have you done that is so wonderful that she should offer you warmth?

 

I agree with most of your post, but I disagree with this. Yes, nobody owes anyone anything. But that's just cold. The way he's looking at it is not a problem - unless he's expecting a DATE for saying hello. He as a human being expects friendliness to be reciprocated, as any human should expect. If someone comes up to you and is friendly, why would you just blow them off? If you detect they're hitting on you, THEN you tell them you're not interested. But people who just respond to someone being nice with coldness comes off as being a b-i-you-know-what. It's common courtesy to be nice back. No, you're not obligated to date us because we said hi, and that's a mistake a lot of guys make. But jeez...just be friendly.

 

I'm a cheesy guy. I say cheesy things and it helps people feel at ease around me because I come off as a dork. I don't care. If they feel comfortable, I do too. But there's always that one girl who gets it stuck in her head that the only words that come out of a guy's mouth are intended to get her in bed, and to them I say don't flatter yourself. Then they say "Where are all the nice guys?" I've heard it before.

[annie24]

i think she makes a good point about libraries not being a good place to pick up women. obviously, they are studying, maybe studying for a midterm, writing a final paper, etc.... they are probably not in a state of mind to flirt, and unless you look like brad pitt or colin farrell or are very charming, you stand a good chance of being shot down. maybe this girl would have talked to you had you seen her at a party or something.

[Lucy__lou]

If someone comes up to you and is friendly, why would you just blow them off?

because women are perceptive, and pick up on creepy vibes. The fact that he refers to her as "cute Asian girl" shows he's coming from the wrong place.

 

it helps people feel at ease around me because I come off as a dork.

 

If you're being a dork and you're coming from a good place, there will always be women who recognise this and will be friendly. But Evilken doesn't sound like a nice dorky guy. He sound's like he is coming from a place of entitlement, where he thinks women owe him warmth. It's actually something which has been written about in psychology text books, where early experiences of breast feeding can create an unconscious belief in men that all women were put on this earth to give love and nourishment, and if they don't they're evil. it's interesting, and explains a lot of bad behaviour from men.

 

By the way Evilken, I know I'm being harsh with all this stuff I'm saying, but I just want to say that I think it's really good that you're taking the time to stop and reflect on your behaviour, and hear what other people have to say. It's how we learn best. I can imagine it isn't easy being you, and life must feel like an uphill battle. Keep learning, keep questioning, and observing, and make it your rule to not harm anyone. If you do this, then you're not evil.

[Seymore]

because women are perceptive, and pick up on creepy vibes.

 

I understand that the girl in question was perceptive and on point, picking up the vibes, and that was accurate. But a lot of girls seem to be way off and just plain frigid, shoving off some friendly guy, yet welcoming the same dorky comments that the OP made from Mr. Dreamy.

 

For example: I had a friend who would make sexually suggestive comments off the bat when he met a girl. Not chit-chat like "What are you reading?". Literally, like "I'm a professional fur muncher". And the girl was freaking CHARMED. He got more attention from her than me just being friendly and having a normal chat. I mean, I don't try to meet girls at bars anyway, so I wasn't out to get her number. But a guy like my friend comes on way too strong like that and she's SMITTEN by him. Maybe it was his bright blue eyes and muscular build (I'm tall and skinny), but ALL THE TIME when we would go out together, he'd say the most nasty things and walk away with a number.

 

And the nice guy sits there wondering how it's done.

[Lucy__lou]

Please don't let the fact that some girls are total idiots with no self respect influence what you know about behaving decently.

 

The behaviour of those girls doesn't tell you anything about the acceptability of your (vile) friend. It just tells you that these girls have low self esteem for putting up with that, just for a good looking guy. They're idiots to put up with that, and in the end, they pay the price, because men who talk like that are going to be boring in bed too, because they're so insensitive.

[bostonbruins24]

Wow,what a rude post.Sure Tom wasn't exactly super smooth.I think his biggest mistake was telling her that she was beautiful and he should have backed off much earlier in the interaction but your response is probably ruder than Tom's behaviour.It's not likely that you are going to pick someone up at a library but I don't think it is totally inapproapriate to approach someone at a library if done in the correct manner.As far as Tom objectifying her because he thought she was cute ,well why do most men initate conversations with women ,ahh because they likely think she is cute.Maybe you should see a professional for your uncalled for response.

[Lucy__lou]

your response is probably ruder than Tom's behaviour.

 

My response might be a bit extreme, but Tom's incredible lack of social skills (and failure to recognise when he's not welcome) scare me. I am focussing on risk prevention here. (but yes, I am a bit of a b****. Deal).

[Iceman26]

I don't think she was being rude, I think she was just trying to help the guy out by being blunt with him.

[Seymore]

 

The behaviour of those girls doesn't tell you anything about the acceptability of your (vile) friend.

 

More like ex-friend, lol. I've since...er...bettered my social circle.

[rbr85]

The reason she reacted that way to Tom is because firstly, Tom chose to react to her * * * * * iness in an emotional way even if Tom didn't do so overtly. She could tell that by treating Tom in that particular way would get a rise out of him, she had already conquered him before they began. Tom was hanging on the responses of the asian girl, and trying to get her approval instead of steering the conversation where he wanted it to be. When Tom said, "Why don't you say Hi to me?" Due to the precedent already set in the previous conversation he came of as needy and dependent. Then by complimenting a woman who clearly wasn't interested in her she knew instantly that he was trying to win her approval, and lost respect for this potential mate. She realized subconsciously, "Hey I can totally blow this guy off and he keeps trying harder. He doesn't respect himself enough to walk away from someone who's uninterested, why should I respect him?"

 

The girl didn't "behave this way" toward Tom, Tom set the tone for the conversation and invited this kind of behavior and wasted his energy on trying to correct the situation thus diminishing his integrity as a man.

[servedcold]

Yeah, was looking through a book on sculpture with some female friends and they giggled about how small he was. I, stupidly said there was nothing wrong with him and they all started teasing me!

 

It's funny how we are expected to be de facto gynecologists these days, yet most women know less than nothing about the male sexual anatomy and its characteristics. Wonder what the response would have been if you had been looking at a nude female painting with these same friends and you remarked "Damn, looks like she's got a real wind tunnel down there!" Not good, I'd guess.

 

OP, young women are cruel because they can be and less likely to be held accountable. Young men are just as cruel, but learn early on that behaving badly towards people will eventually earn an ass-kicking over time, a lesson that usually nips their cruel streak in the bud. If a woman looks good enough, she can treat people like crap her entire life and get away with it, and that's everyone's fault, not just hers. The short answer is that girls are cruel because men are weak.

[rbr85]

Wow,what a rude post.Sure Tom wasn't exactly super smooth.I think his biggest mistake was telling her that she was beautiful and he should have backed off much earlier in the interaction but your response is probably ruder than Tom's behaviour.It's not likely that you are going to pick someone up at a library but I don't think it is totally inapproapriate to approach someone at a library if done in the correct manner.As far as Tom objectifying her because he thought she was cute ,well why do most men initate conversations with women ,ahh because they likely think she is cute.Maybe you should see a professional for your uncalled for response.

 

Lucy_lou is for the most part correct in her assessment. There's nothing rude about it, it's just the way human interaction works. It doesn't mean Tom is a bad person, or isn't good enough. Tom should look at it as a learning experience, and recognize he is one step closer to becoming more successful at approaching women. Tom did not objectify her because he thought she was cute, he objectified her by trying to win her approval.