Feeling Sad - Boy out of reach

[Lucy__lou]

Today I ran into an old acquaintance. A boy who I pursued six years ago, because I liked him very much. He was very gracious about it, but informed me that he was unavailable, and again when I saw him today, he told me he is still in a relationship.

 

I could tell that he wanted to hang out, that he wanted to catch up, maybe try being friends, but I couldn't. I have feelings for him still. And it would hurt me to be pushed away again like I was when I first told him how I felt.

 

It just makes me sad. Why does he have to be into monogamy? It's a loss for both of us that we won't hang out together again. It's rare that I meet someone I feel so much affection for. It feels like such a loss to both of us to not be in each other's lives, just because he has someone else that he loves.

 

Should I have tried harder to kill my romantic feelings towards him so as to be able to be friends? or should I just let the sadness wash over me, and move on in my own time?

[Batya33]

I respect the choice of monogamy and if I had romantic feelings for someone who was in a relationship I would not hang out as friends unless I believed I could be a true friend - meaning, supportive and respectful of his relationship and never trying to undermine it in any way despite my romantic feelings.

 

Rather than looking it as a "loss" since you care for him as a friend as well why not be happy for his gain - a loving partner? Many people avoid being close with people who are not supportive of their lifestyles and choices- and monogamy is such a choice and lifestyle. You can be in his life if you decide to shift your mindset about his choice and if you decide to put your romantic feelings aside and be a true friend to him (and of course offer to include his wife/SO).

 

It's of course fine to feel sad but it's not his fault that you are sad, it's a result of you realizing that you cannot prioritize your friendship feelings for him over your romantic feelings. You can choose to feel sorry for yourself or you can channel the energy into finding new friends and romantic prospects - why not choose the latter?

[bostonbruins24]

I wouldn't try to be his friend since your romantic feelings for him are so strong.Distance yourself from him and look for someone who is interested in you.

[Lucy__lou]

I wouldn't try to be his friend since your romantic feelings for him are so strong.Distance yourself from him and look for someone who is interested in you.

 

Thanks for your reply, but I just want to say, I find it funny the way people on here often respond to disappointment in love stories with "find someone else."

 

Firstly, I'm not into monogamy, so finding a new love isn't going to change my feelings for this boy.

Secondly, I'm not looking for someone else. I'm not looking for a relationship. It just so happens that when I see this boy, I have these strong feelings towards him.

 

And I'm wondering I guess, how a wise and enlightened person would manage their emotions in this situation.

[bostonbruins24]

Thanks for your reply, but I just want to say, I find it funny the way people on here often respond to disappointment in love stories with "find someone else."

 

Firstly, I'm not into monogamy, so finding a new love isn't going to change my feelings for this boy.

Secondly, I'm not looking for someone else. I'm not looking for a relationship. It just so happens that when I see this boy, I have these strong feelings towards him.

 

And I'm wondering I guess, how a wise and enlightened person would manage their emotions in this situation.

What choice do you have but to look for someone else ? If you want to spend your time obsessing over a guy who you aren't going to get [right now anyway]then go for it

[VerdeShimmer]

It just makes me sad. Why does he have to be into monogamy? It's a loss for both of us that we won't hang out together again. It's rare that I meet someone I feel so much affection for. It feels like such a loss to both of us to not be in each other's lives, just because he has someone else that he loves.

 

Wow! I would not think of it as a loss. He may think that by leaving his current girlfriend that it would be a loss.

 

You should stay away from him and cut all contact.