JSLICE Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 If she decides against abortion, then I'm going to discuss an adoption plan with her. If she decides against both of those, then I might as well go along with her plan. I mean, I don't mind being a part of the child's life, not at all. You know, visitations every weekend or so is fine with me, and she gets that. She just promised me she wouldn't make me pay child support, because she's not that type of person, and said she cares for me too much to do that. Link to comment
kaoticbaby Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 fine. you're completely contradicting yourself now, but whatever. just don't be naive. the girl is 17 years old, immature, and extremely worried right now. don't think that what she tells you now will still be true in 10, 15, 20 years (if she keeps the baby.) Link to comment
JSLICE Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 Yes, I'm completely aware of that. If that does happen 10, 15, 20 years from now, I'll be able to deal with it. From a personal and financial stand point, I just can't handle it now. Link to comment
k_1971 Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 No, none of those ideas are mine, they are all hers. She said she's either going to abort it, or she's going to have it and tell her family and friends that it's some other mans baby, and we'll then break up. She said she doesn't want me to worry about it because she wants me to go to college and have a future, just that she's having a hard time deciding on which to do. But I also want her to be able to go to college and become a teacher, and I want her to be worry free about this and live her life, which is why I think abortion is the best decision for both of us. Why has she decided this? she sounds like she's trying to protect you. I can't fathom why she would even suggest this. if she has the baby, you should face up to the fact that you are the father and take what's coming to you. She's clearly not mature enough to think the consequences of telling her family it's somebody else's. you're setting her up to be thought of as a bit promiscuous by her family, (assuming they know about your relationship) and that to me is reprehensible that you would even consider going along with this deception. You must think you've got it made, you've got a girl pregnant and she's willing to make herself look bad to protect you from the consequences? Time to grow a backbone sonny. If she doesn't want an abortion, you should come clean with everyone. Link to comment
jengh Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 If she decides against abortion, then I'm going to discuss an adoption plan with her. If she decides against both of those, then I might as well go along with her plan. I mean, I don't mind being a part of the child's life, not at all. You know, visitations every weekend or so is fine with me, and she gets that. She just promised me she wouldn't make me pay child support, because she's not that type of person, and said she cares for me too much to do that. Perchance you should care enough for her to WANT to support this child financially. Let's say she chooses to have this baby. She's 17, has no skills to get a good job. So, she'll be making minimum wage, living off of welfare and food stamps, scraping to get by to provide this child a sub-par life while you're at college making a life for you. It sounds very selfish to me. Just a thought. I want you to read the book Nickel and Dimed. It's about a woman who goes "undercover" and lives off of welfare. Very enlightening. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Even if she WANTS you to have no ties to the baby. You should WANT to pay child support and help out. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 A couple of things- First- If she has this baby it is your child, think about that. Why wouldn't you want to be involved in this child's life? Think about the baby for a second, he or she deserves two parents, and you laid down in that bed and made that baby with her, you are the father, whether she pretends otherwise or not. I would think if you had any integrity at all you would want to be a part of that child's life. Second, this girl is 17- I'm guessing still living at home with her parents, who could (and should) pursue child support payments from you whether your girlfriend makes up a story or not, a paternity test is pretty easy to obtain, and like it or not, you again laid down and made this baby and you are financially responsible. I'm also guessing if your girlfriend does have the baby she is going to realize really quick how much babies cost and how with no job or formal education it is extremely difficult to raise and support a child on her own- and it's not her parent's job to pay for this child, it's hers and yours. If she has a brain in her head her baby will come first and she will sue you for child support if you are not willing to pay it on your own (which you absolutely should.) It's sad to me that you seem most concerned with not having to pay to support this child who will need medical care, food, formula, diapers, clothing, education, and all the other things that children need. This is your child, and you are responsible, like it or not. Again, a question of integrity-do you understand that it is the right thing to support this child and be in his or her life if your girlfriend does have the baby? This is what happens when you don't use condoms. A bit of common sense and foresight would have helped you a lot here- but what's done is done. Now you need to man up and be responsible for this baby, whether you want to or not. Link to comment
Catdancer Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Honestly if she decides to go through with the pregnancy, she will experience so many different emotions and she will contradict herself so many times. She will hate you, she will love you and ultimately she will discover she loves her baby more than she cares for you. So, at that point, since she's 17 and pregnant, she will be on Welfare and WIC and it is mandatory that the father pay support for the child. The Child Support Enforecement Agency will come after you with or without her consent if she applies for any assistance and she will definitely have to apply for assistance at that age. So, as to your situation, you may not want anything to do with this baby, but you sure as hell will be paying support for it if she decides to have it. Oh and just because you arent working anywhere doesnt mean anything when it comes to support. The child support agency will estimate your earning potential and that is what you will have to pay. IF you do not pay, they will suspend your drivers license and eventually throw you in jail. Again, you may not want to be responsible for this baby, but someone is going to MAKE you be responsible for it. Link to comment
redrose85 Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 You can sugarcoat it all you want, OP, but you are being incredibly selfish, and she is just incredibly naive. You think a baby is just a cute little person to play with on weekends when you have nothing better to do? That is definitely not the case. I have seen it many times. A single mother gets into financial trouble, has a hard time supporting her babies, and the claws come out. No matter how much she loves you (she is going to be really angry later on because of how willing you are to just up and LEAVE her to go live your life and stick her with a baby) If she is having financial trouble, there is a big chance of her demanding child support later on. Link to comment
Valina Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 You should WANT to pay child support and help out. Agreed. Suck it up and be a man, or learn to use a condom. Link to comment
JSLICE Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 Well, I've talked with her today, and she's definitely admitted she doesn't want the baby, but she doesn't know if she can go through with an abortion, but she says she's still considering the abortion since both of us are not ready to be parents. In the back of my mind I honestly ask myself what kind of a person would lie to people and tell them it's not my baby? I know it's wrong, and I know it makes me look like an * * * * * * * , but I would be dumb if I didn't take that offer she is giving, if she decides against abortion. Link to comment
kaoticbaby Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Well, I've talked with her today, and she's definitely admitted she doesn't want the baby, but she doesn't know if she can go through with an abortion, but she says she's still considering the abortion since both of us are not ready to be parents. In the back of my mind I honestly ask myself what kind of a person would lie to people and tell them it's not my baby? I know it's wrong, and I know it makes me look like an * * * * * * * , but I would be dumb if I didn't take that offer she is giving, if she decides against abortion. actually, you'd be smart. i can't believe you are still considering this. Link to comment
dumbblonde88 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 That's what I've thought in the back of my head, but she really is that type of a girl where she wouldn't go back on her word...she never does. She knows that if she has the baby I'm going to end things with her, because it would be awkward to go through with Option #1 and still be together. She told me that she wants to be with me for a long, long time, and will do anything for that to be possible. I'm just going to throw this out there. I've met girls that are "on birth control" but "forget to take their pills" and say things like they want to be with their man for a long long time and would do anything to make that possible and "oops" they are pregnant. Call me a cynic but if she's been on birth control for that long it should be working. My momma told me I was a birth control baby but that was also over 20 years ago.... now days its pretty efficient if used properly. Okay another thing I have to say is when that baby is born, DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT under any circumstances sign the birth certificate. I dont care if you love her that day and think you are the daddy so you might as well admit to being the daddy. I know this sounds weird but in many states if you sign the birth certificate you ARE the daddy and will have to pay child support for 18-19 years whether you end up being the biological father or not. If she keeps the baby that's on her but I think it would be best for all of you to give it up for adoption. At least give the kid a chance at having a decent life. Do her parents know? Get them involved, tell them she's pregnant and says its yours and if it is you dont want it and maybe they will steer her towards giving it up. They dont want a hard life for their daughter so they probably aren't going to push her into being a single mother but who knows some parents might and if her's do then that's on them too. You dont HAVE to do anything but if its yours and she keeps it get a lawyer. There are a lot of resources out there for men facing paternity issues. In the end though you're probably going to end up paying for it so you might as well do the kid a favor and be in its life. In the future, dont be an idiot. Protect yourself. There's crazy girls out there that are desperate to have kids and desperate to keep their man around and will tell u they are on birth control but they are popping the pills down the sink. Wear a condom. Yes they inhibit the sensation and all that biz but really even if you get the STD tests at the same time what if she's cheating? What if she's lying about B.c.? Things may take longer to happen but the alternatives could last forever. Good luck Link to comment
jengh Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Why should he be allowed or encouraged to get out of paying child support by not putting his name on the certificate. That is asinine to me. He needs to man-up. He was old enough/mature enough to have sex, he should deal with the repercussions. Link to comment
Pappers Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 GO TO THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE FIRST TO MAKE SURE SHE IS PREGNANT! Then ask for some FAMILY PLANNING HELP - there are many counsellors available to help you get through this type of scenario... the doctor should set you up with the right people. Make sure you talk to someone that is UNBIASED (one that does not advocate one thing or another due to certain ties or connections, i.e. a church based clinic, or an adoption based clinic). Link to comment
EQD Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 oh come now OP. you know how to make babies, you know BC isnt 100%... you took the risk anyway and you lost out because now she is knocked up. Own up to it. All this 'live life worry free' stuff is silly. Its time to grow up now and be a big boy. You have a child on the way. pending if she didnt cheat on you. Whatever she decides you now know that you have a son or daughter, that will be floating out there in space somewhere because you arent owning up to your actions. And initially you are being selfish, although i do understand you dont want to be with her at all and i feel bad for you in that respect.. now you have a kid. yes, a CHILD. so in a sense you'd be crazy to disown a person that has half your genetics that you've never met before. By all means.. you should try and rethink this... when you calm down. good luck! Link to comment
Hope75 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 If he is the biological father it won't matter if he signs the birth certificate or not, if she chooses to keep the baby he is responsible financially. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Here is a newsflash for you. You don't get out of paying child support just because she says she won't make you pay. It doesn't work like that. Willingly or unwillingly you will be paying for that child until he/she turns 18 and likely sometime after that for various college expenses. Best thing you can do is man up and pay up. If she is going to have this baby which it sounds like she will then I would suggest a paternity test first to establish you as father and just do what needs to be done for baby. You don't get to wiggle your way out of taking care of a baby financially. Child support enforcement agencies take drastic measures to make sure men pay up. Wage garnishments, driver license revokation and even jail time. Link to comment
kaoticbaby Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 ^my dad never paid any child support, but then again he never completely disowned me so i guess my mom let him off the hook. i can guarantee that in 5, 10, 15 years...when the OP and his girlfriend are no longer together... she will come knocking on his door. Link to comment
C6Z06 Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Hey, if she wants to raise it on her own, then I'm going to let her. She's always wanted a kid to raise, that's why I think it's not a big deal to her whether or not I help her raise it. You have a lot to learn son Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 She just promised me she wouldn't make me pay child support, because she's not that type of person, and said she cares for me too much to do that. That type of person? What 'type' of person files for child support? Answer: There is no type. A responsible custodial parent files for child support. That's what a mature person, who realizes that a child shouldn't suffer because one parent isn't there, does. Child support is about meeting a child's needs, not an adult's. Also, who cares about her intentions? The deed is done, no matter what the intention was. You chose not to wear a condom; this is the result. Focus on your part so you can stay sane. Well, just calm down and see what happens. I don't think you're selfish. I think you're just young and scared and shocked, like you said. You're just hashing it out and it's kinda scary. Whatever she decides, I hope everything turns out for all involved. Link to comment
Cadence_oO Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I agree with everyone. Be a man and take responsibility for your actions. I'm sorry, I know you have no money and your own place but whats done is done, a child exists. You at least need to help her out financially. In my opinion every child should know his/her father, Don't be selfish and take that away from your child. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.