Annie's Journal of Dating and Body Hair Removal

[annie24]

Gah, I hate saying no to people. My friend asked me to help her pack. She's very short on money and is sick and is moving soon. I said I would help her pack a few days ago but then changed my mind because I'm sick (I have tonsillitis, I think). 1) I don't want to get her sick and 2) I don't want to get worse. Also, it's really cold out and I want to just relax a few days before my new job starts. Mainly because I'm sick!! :(

[Batya33]

I know the feeling!

[annie24]

In my new job, I will need to get used to saying "no" to people. I think that this might be a good skill to develop and there will be a lot of life skills I will learn with the new job.

[annie24]

My other weird issue I didn't bring up with her - I don't think I have health insurance right now. I had health insurance through my last employer and my new health insurance starts on Monday. I didn't get any notice of COBRA insurance in the mail and I'm kind of paranoid that if I get hurt right now, I might not be covered. So I'm not really inclined to do much or leave my apartment more than I have to.

[Batya33]

In my new job, I will need to get used to saying "no" to people. I think that this might be a good skill to develop and there will be a lot of life skills I will learn with the new job.

 

Yes, I talk with friends about this "skill" and it is hard and you do have to.

 

I said a modified no to a request that made me uncomfortable from a legal standpoint. I recently found out she is basically a con artist. My modified no put me at no risk at all but it did raise pink-red flags for me and that was the last time I did more than talk with her occasionally (when she asked me the favor we had only recently met). I am so relieved my involvement was so limited and honestly I wish I'd had the courage to say a flat out no.

[annie24]

Yikes, hope you don't have to interact with her much!!

 

During my interview, they had role-playing and one guy was pretending to be a very unreasonable customer who was making a big deal out of something that wasn't a big deal. I was trying to deal with him for several minutes and trying to come up with a solution to the customer's complaints and then they stopped me and told me seriously that sometimes "No" is the right answer. I felt in that moment that I either blew the interview and they were telling me why I won't get the job, or because they really liked me and were coaching me already for it.

[Ellie2006]

Congrats, Annie! Hope you're feeling better.

[annie24]

after a trip to urgent care and getting antibiotics, I'm finally feeling better! I sometimes think that maybe it's viral so I try to ride it out, but they did a strep test and I guess I had strep throat. Day 2 of the antibiotics and I was feeling better.

 

So... I'm dipping my toe back in the dating pool. I matched with a guy on Tinder. He seems ok, in IT, works downtown. We decided to meet for lunch on Monday (he suggested tomorrow but I couldn't really do it with my schedule). Then he said something (trying to make a joke) like "now we have all weekend to get to know each other and not be attracted to each other/find dealbreakers." I didn't respond, I just kind of felt like..... eh..... great.

[Batya33]

after a trip to urgent care and getting antibiotics, I'm finally feeling better! I sometimes think that maybe it's viral so I try to ride it out, but they did a strep test and I guess I had strep throat. Day 2 of the antibiotics and I was feeling better.

 

So... I'm dipping my toe back in the dating pool. I matched with a guy on Tinder. He seems ok, in IT, works downtown. We decided to meet for lunch on Monday (he suggested tomorrow but I couldn't really do it with my schedule). Then he said something (trying to make a joke) like "now we have all weekend to get to know each other and not be attracted to each other/find dealbreakers." I didn't respond, I just kind of felt like..... eh..... great.

 

So glad you are feeling better! Tinder guy sounds weird...

[annie24]

Yeah, this morning he texted me to tell me he deleted his tinder account because he saw his coworker on there. I asked if he was married or already in a relationship and he said no, just didn’t like using tinder and felt weird about seeing his coworker and didn’t want me to think he unmatched me. I said that sounded weird. Then I said I didn’t think we were going to be a match and wished him luck.

[annie24]

FWB made a date with me a few days ago to come over tonight. He was going to stop by my place after work and then continue back to his parent's house for the weekend. I'm not located precisely between him and his parents, but kind of on the way, but it definitely adds time to the commute. Earlier this afternoon then, he started hinting that he's not looking forward to to the traffic to my place and might have me meet him at his parents house. My reaction: Hell no! Anyway, he said he wanted to see me but didn't want to do the drive, so I was like ok well let me know. Then around 4 (which is when he said he'd be leaving work), I texted to ask what his plan was.,... then I texted again after 10 minutes....and after 20 minutes I was like "ok, guess I'm not seeing you tonight." then he replied he was still at work. then after half an hour said he was leaving work and would come over if i wanted him to. I said I thought he would just rather go straight to his parents house. He said I was just assuming too much. I never wrote back. This is very stupid. I don't know if I'm just kind of inflexible, but seriously, whatever, I don't really care if I see him again or not.

[annie24]

I've finished up my first month at the new job. So far so good. My boss is great as are my coworkers. I work from home half the time and staying in my PJs all day is fabulous!!!!! Especially in the winter when I don't even care to go outside. There's a lot to learn, the corporate world is much different than academia. The pay check is much better as well.

[Batya33]

I've finished up my first month at the new job. So far so good. My boss is great as are my coworkers. I work from home half the time and staying in my PJs all day is fabulous!!!!! Especially in the winter when I don't even care to go outside. There's a lot to learn, the corporate world is much different than academia. The pay check is much better as well.

 

Terrific!! I was thinking about you yesterday and hoping all was going well!

[annie24]

Yeah, it's really interesting. I was a customer of this company for years, so it's interesting being on the other side and seeing "behind the scenes." Because I work from home and have no office to go into, there are also some fun perks I wasn't expecting (like having my gas paid for and half of my internet costs). Also, afternoon naps, lol (though I work late to make up the time if I do nap!!)

[LAYAAN]

Thats great Annie! I'm glad you are enjoying your work :)

[annie24]

Thanks L!!

 

I went to a hilarious show tonight. It was with an improv group. They started the night by giving everyone an index card and asked them to write a secret about their love or sex life. Then, they reached into the bucket with the secrets and acted out skits around them, or heck, even just read them out loud. It was so funny. The tamer ones were like, "I love my boyfriend and I'm ready to marry him and he doesn't know." The worse ones were like, "I queef when I'm having sex doggy style" (that one was read by a middle-aged man, hahah!!) or "I had sex on an elementary school playground" or "I masturbate at work" and "I'm cheating on my husband with his cousin.... his wife knows and sometimes joins us!" It was so funny and the cast really did a good job making skits up around the confessions. And no, they never read my secret!!!

[annie24]

Job is still going well, pace has been picking up, a lot more travel last week and this week. I'm a bit jet lagged and confused (what day is it???)

 

Went back on Tinder for fun. I was on Tinder just a few weeks ago, but somehow, all my matches seemed to get erased because I didn't log in for 2 weeks??? oh well. anyway, I got a few more new matches, I talked to 2 of the guys last night. One guy made it pretty clear he just wants sex (or a free prostitute, as I like to call it). I talked to another guy who seemed a lot more interested in me as a person and suggested we have a date soon at a local brewery neither of us has been to. So, that sounds a bit more promising.

[annie24]

I am just too tired of flakey behavior. The more promising guy said “he’d let me know about Sunday” but I never heard from him one way or the other (and he didn’t respond to a message I sent to him Saturday morning) so I just unmatched. I’d rather be at home and watch Netflix by myself than deal with stupid boys.

[Batya33]

I am just too tired of flakey behavior. The more promising guy said “he’d let me know about Sunday” but I never heard from him one way or the other (and he didn’t respond to a message I sent to him Saturday morning) so I just unmatched. I’d rather be at home and watch Netflix by myself than deal with stupid boys.

 

I can't stand flakiness either and deal with it quite often in my attempt to make new friends/meet new people. Annoying!

[annie24]

I can't stand flakiness either and deal with it quite often in my attempt to make new friends/meet new people. Annoying!

 

It is. Lately I've been inviting people to group events (like going as a group to see Black Panther together) so even if some people flake, it's ok as long as one other person still wants to go with me.

[Batya33]

It is. Lately I've been inviting people to group events (like going as a group to see Black Panther together) so even if some people flake, it's ok as long as one other person still wants to go with me.

 

Yes, same here but lately my plans are built around meeting one person at a time for lunch. I can relate!

[annie24]

https://www.1843magazine.com/features/a-wife-less-ordinary

 

This is a really interesting article on dating in China, especially for successful, educated women.

 

Given the gender imbalance, June should have her pick of mates. But things haven’t turned out that way, not just because the pool of men with equivalent education is relatively small. Culture, not just demographics, play a big part in the search for a mate – and many traditional sensibilities persist. “We like our wives to be yogurts,” says a 35-year old Chinese investment banker. “Plain yogurts, so that we can flavour them as we’d like.” On paper he seems like the kind of match that would suit June. Like her, he’s ambitious, well educated, has a good corporate job and speaks excellent English. At work he is surrounded by high-achieving, single women but, though he enjoys their company, he’s not interested in marrying an educational or professional equal. In fact, he’s already engaged. “My fiancée is a plain yogurt,” he says. “She’s low maintenance and doesn’t really have her own ideas. I like her because she’s easy to manage.”

[LAYAAN]

Sigh! I have heard about this from someone I went to grad school with. This man is a surgeon with a PhD from the same culture (as mentioned in the article). Met someone from the same culture in grad school and later married her. There were rumors that he treated her very poorly and even physically abused her. They got divorced shortly after. She went back to her country. He mentioned once to me "I know she won't be able to find anyone soon. Its hard for educated women of a certain age there."

 

Women in my culture are sailing in the same boat or worse. We are expected to be educated, we have to earn, but not too much and we have to look like an actress (and please have a fair skin), and most importantly live with the guy's family and look after his parents. If a girl has opinions on this, they see her as a troublemaker.

 

When I was trying to attract a mate in that market with just a BS degree, I was told that I was practically uneducated (one guy's mother was concerned that if her son had to choose me, our children would be dumb as me - no I'm not exaggerating). Then when I returned with a PhD from this country, I was told that I was too educated and that made men uncomfortable. There is just no winning here.

[Batya33]

Sigh! I have heard about this from someone I went to grad school with. This man is a surgeon with a PhD from the same culture (as mentioned in the article). Met someone from the same culture in grad school and later married her. There were rumors that he treated her very poorly and even physically abused her. They got divorced shortly after. She went back to her country. He mentioned once to me "I know she won't be able to find anyone soon. Its hard for educated women of a certain age there."

 

Women in my culture are sailing in the same boat or worse. We are expected to be educated, we have to earn, but not too much and we have to look like an actress (and please have a fair skin), and most importantly live with the guy's family and look after his parents. If a girl has opinions on this, they see her as a troublemaker.

 

When I was trying to attract a mate in that market with just a BS degree, I was told that I was practically uneducated (one guy's mother was concerned that if her son had to choose me, our children would be dumb as me - no I'm not exaggerating). Then when I returned with a PhD from this country, I was told that I was too educated and that made men uncomfortable. There is just no winning here.

 

That makes me so mad! I experienced that to a minor degree -I remember my friend saying, at our summer internship after a year of grad school, that we were basically pricing ourselves out of the market when it came to dating. What I did was remove my professional hat when I dated but I never dumbed myself down or anything like that. No way. Luckily the men I met were genuinely interested in being with educated, professional "troublemakers". The others were simply not my cup of yogurt.

[LAYAAN]

Thats great Batya!

Not your cup of yogurt... LOL

I used to like yogurt until I read this article. Now, every time I think of yogurt, I'm thinking about how plain or not am I. Just last night I was at a frozen yogurt place and decided to get nothing. Somehow I'm disturbed with the thought of compairing myself to a cup of yogurt. It will take me a while to get over it.