Annie's Journal of Dating and Body Hair Removal

[annie24]

Is Logan starting to look good yet? You broke up with him because he had no ambition, but at least he was a good conversationalist and made efforts in your direction. I hope you find what you are looking for, but you may have already had it. I wasn't there, so I can't see the whole picture, but he seemed like a nice, intelligent, committed man. You don't find those on every street corner, you know.

 

He broke up with me. Once he got an entry level job, 2 weeks later, he said he "wanted to see if he could do better." That he was attracted to some of the women at work. And that, on a minor note, he wanted a gf who smoked pot and wasn't allergic to cats. He loved cats and with me, he could never have one.

 

In the weeks prior, I had been contemplating breaking up with him because he hadn't told me he loved me, after I told him that I loved him. He was just saying he thought because of his job situation, that he wasn't able to say he loved me until he got back on his feet and felt secure. But you know, 2 weeks later....

[sophie274]

Annie, even if Logan hadn't dumped you, I don't think you would have ever been happy with him. He just wasnt the right fit, I think. You have a pretty full life and you don't need to settle. I really hope someone great is right around the corner. I always try to think if I know any single guys in your city ... Maybe one day I can play matchmaker

[thejigsup]

Boy, he sounded like a real piece of work. I'm glad I'm "retired" from dating. I have no angst in my life beyond needing a new cell phone pretty soon.

[annie24]

No, I wouldn't have been happy with him long term. I think he knew that as well. Our relationship was good for a time, when I was transitioning between jobs and he was unemployed. But not the right match in the long term, no.

[LAYAAN]

Any man who leaves a woman (especially like Annie) in hopes of "doing better", isn't worth her time, at all. I never liked that guy for you either, Annie. Didn't he have a DUI or something? I love cats, too. It would be nice to have one, but I won't turn down a great guy because he was allergic to cats. God! Where the h*** are his priorities??? If his idea of a better match is to be with someone similar to him, then I'm glad that you two are not together. What a piece of s***!

[Fudgie]

I think he did have a DUI, but there were things about him that concerned me more than that. honestly, annie, I think you are right you wouldn't have been happy in the long term. It sounded like he had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Not alcoholic, just a problematic relationship with alcohol. I remember you saying Annie that you two would go out, and drink, and then you'd both go back home, but he'd go out and drink elsewhere alone and that was a blaring, waving huge red flag to me.

[annie24]

I'm kind of blanking on it right now, but I remember there was one time when he drank for free at the bar (like 3 drinks over 3 hours) because we had free drink chips. He had 1, I had given him 2 of my chips (you win them if you answer some trivia right). So, he had the free drink chips and then he was dropping me off home he said, "oh, now that I drank for free tonight, I have money to drop by xxx bar on my way back home!" (xxx bar was his favorite dive bar and a few blocks from my old apartment.) I got upset with him like, "you drank enough tonight, you're going to go drink more and then drive home!?" I was upset over that. He then said he wasn't going to, but I have no idea what he did once he dropped me home.

 

and yes - the problems with the DUI were especially bad because he wants to be a teacher, but in our state, you can't become a teacher if you have a dui on your record. There is a way to expunge it (which is what he was doing while we are together), but it's very costly and a long process. You have to hire a lawyer, pay a fine, go to alcohol school, and do community service. I told him he was dragging his heels on community service and he got angry with me, he said he didn't drag his heels anywhere on it. But he was. He only had 40 hours left to do, he could have done it in a week, being unemployed and all. And everyplace I suggested he said no to for some reason or another. One of his friends runs a non-profit and she signed off on his hours that he hadn't done, but promised he would do in the future. So I think he really got off easy there.

 

I don't know if he ever became a teacher or not (i never google stalk him), but my old therapist says she doubts it. Even Carol was like, "During the whole time Logan was unemployed, did he ever do something towards his teaching career? Even if he couldn't teach, was he reading books on teaching? Volunteering with kids or high schoolers?!" No. He did not.

[Fudgie]

I know what you mean about drink chips. I actually have a couple in my purse. K and I go out with friends about once a week to do trivia and K always wins drink chips and gives them to me. They're supposed to save you money, sheesh. I do remember that story when you told it in your journal. I think he was unemployed at that time too so it's like uhm, you had 3 FREE drinks, that's good, use the money you saved towards something else, but that's just my take.

 

He just had no motivation at all. I think most people, you and I included, if they had something on their records that would bar them from doing their dream jobs would work TIRELESSLY to get it expunged. I never understand why he'd drag his heels on that. Makes no sense, especially considering that DUI can bar you from holding a number of jobs, not just teaching. It's definitely not a good thing to have.

[annie24]

His best friend loaned him $1000 so he could pay off the fine faster. Who know if he ever paid him back.

[thejigsup]

Boy, he has nice friends.

[Lucia Amman]

More men writing to me online wanting to "cuddle." What the hell is that?! I'm not going to cuddle with someone I barely know. Even my cat in grad school didn't let me cuddle with him until I had him for a month. I'd prefer it if they said "they want to screw my brains out" or something, because that seems a bit more appropriate on a first meet, lol.

 

This is a new rage. There is even a cuddle app I think. I would be ok with someone asking me this if we were talking online for a longer period of time and him and I both knew we weren't romantically or sexually interested in each other.

[annie24]

This is a new rage. There is even a cuddle app I think. I would be ok with someone asking me this if we were talking online for a longer period of time and him and I both knew we weren't romantically or sexually interested in each other.

 

yeah, it is so weird. it's a rather intimate thing to ask.

 

I had a date yesterday. The guy is nice, I'll call him A. He works with disabled children and their families. He went to college. He was a gentleman, pulled out my chair, was very nice overall and wants to see me again. I didn't like his teeth, they were in quite bad shape. Not crooked, but bad teeth. Carol tells me I only fall head over heels for the losers. She's probably right. Well, he lives with his parents, moved in when they both lost their jobs so he moved in and pays bills to help out. I asked him if he could move out today, I mean, is he financially stable, he said yes, but he wants to help his parents. So, that's noble. I'll see him again... trying not to be too judgey on the teeth... but they don't look good.....

[Fudgie]

I find to difficult to judge bad teeth because so much of it is genetics and not hygiene. I have great teeth despite going through periods of bad hygiene. Yet I know people who truly do all that they are supposed to do and their teeth just rot. It sucks. And it's so expensive to repair.

 

Bad breath is a separate issue but yeah, just my take.

[annie24]

Yeah, I personally do not have good teeth. I mean, they look nice, but thousands of dollars have gone into fixing them and their upkeep. I had a crown put on just this week. His breath was ok.... We'll see on date 2....

[Lucia Amman]

My teeth are ok but not good. I feel very insecure about my teeth I understand people do judge about them though. A few of my teeth stand way too behind the others, so it looks like I'm missing two teeth. I'm afraid to go to the dentist, let alone to pay the bills

[WithLove]

My teeth are in decent shape - I'm lucky to have my mom's genes there - but they are pretty yellow, in my opinion. I had braces for 4 (!!!!) years, wore a retainer for 1, then lost it and didn't replace it. I regret that to this very day. I have a small gap between my two front teeth, but it's not noticeable.

 

I'd like to get them whitened eventually, but it's expensive.

[sophie274]

I do the crest whitening strips and the whitening mouthwash and it really works quite well (and is cheap). It does make my teeth sensitive so I don't always use the mouthwash and only do the strips once or twice a year. Keeps things a bit whiter though.

[thejigsup]

I never had good teeth until I worked a job that gave me excellent dental insurance. About 10k in covered dental later, my teeth are very, very, nice. But it took a lot of work.

[annie24]

Regarding his teeth, they had a lot of the white spots that kind of looked like this:

 

Anyway, we've been communicating a little bit here and there since the date. He asked me out last week but I told him I was very busy and had no free nights (true). He said he didn't mind because he liked me. Yesterday he asked me my plans for the weekend, and i told him I was going out of town (true again). I also - to let him down gently - said I didn't think I had time to be fair to a guy and I'm looking to move later this year/early next year (already told him that on the date). He said he didn't mind as he liked me and didn't mind waiting for me. sigh. So I just told him that i didn't feel the romantic chemistry for him and that being friends would be best. No response. So.... I guess he understands? No idea. oh well.

 

I know I sound kind of fickle. But between the teeth (and that makes me not want to kiss him) and he lives with his parents (even if he's supporting them, and not the other way around)... eh, I just don't feel interested in pursuing anything.

[annie24]

My teeth are ok but not good. I feel very insecure about my teeth I understand people do judge about them though. A few of my teeth stand way too behind the others, so it looks like I'm missing two teeth. I'm afraid to go to the dentist, let alone to pay the bills

 

You might want to go for a consultation. I don't know how things are in the netherlands, but I know in the US, there are financing options (i had a 0% interest loan), and maybe the dentist would give you a discount if you are paying out of pocket. If nothing else, you should be going for regular cleanings and checkups.

[WithLove]

Annie, those spots seem to be what happens to those that have braces and don't brush often enough. Permanent plaque build-up and stains. I was hyper vigilant of that when I had braces, so I brushed often, got the special mouth wash, flossed - everything to avoid those.

[MissIndigo]

Braces wrecked my teeth even though I was diligent about cleaning...my mom doesn't have the greatest teeth so lucky me I guess. One thing that has really helped in later years has been the ProEnamel toothpaste--it didn't get rid of some of the spots completely but it did a lot for my front teeth, and made them less noticeable. Most of my scarring was where the brackets were.

[annie24]

I was out of the country for a while, visiting my family. My aunt is so so sick. She's gone downhill quickly. She has some neurodegenerative disease. She was walking (slowly) 6 months ago, and now she is wheelchair bound. She can't get up on her own, barely can speak, can't stand up, but she can sit up. She wears diapers and has nurses who come in the morning and at night to help change her, wash her, do some PT exercises. But she's mentally still there completely. her long term memory is untouched - she remembers things that happened decades ago. But she has a hard time answering other questions like, "do you need to use the bathroom" or "do you want to drink Coke or water?" then it's hard to get an answer. she maybe speaks 3 words a day. I feel horrible for her. She soiled her diaper and my uncle and I were changing her and she was just crying, poor lady. She went from being a doctor to now being the one being cared for. The doctors say she might have 2-3 years left, though I can't imagine that this is a fun life. My uncle is taking very good care of her, but he is old too, and it's not easy on him to do everything himself. He doesn't want to put her in a home (she doesn't want that either), and he doesn't want to hire a woman to move in and be her nurse (doesn't want other people in his space). But he's going to have to, I think, at some point. My mom went over there, she plans to stay for a while to help take care of her.

 

I did manage to have some fun. I saw some friends I went to grad school with who were vacationing there while I was there (very random!) They came over for lunch, my uncle and mom made a big traditional meal, then my uncle started telling dirty jokes, because of course, everyone has that one uncle.

 

sigh....

[luminousone]

So sorry about your aunt, Annie.

[Ellie2006]

Me too. So sorry about your aunt.

 

Caring for a sick loved one takes its toll on the caretaker too so I hope your uncle reconsiders on getting some help.

My aunt took care of my uncle before he passed away and she was emotionally and physically so spent afterwards that it took her several years to recoup.

 

Sending my prayers to your family....