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Annie's Journal of Dating and Body Hair Removal


annie24

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Gotta say - I'm really not into this lumbersexual thing going on - the big bushy beards, not my thing. A neatly trimmed beard is fine. Or man buns. I feel angry whenever I see one. Don't know why. Guys with long hair are fine, just please don't put it in a bun!!

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I feel the same way. No bushy beards. No man-buns. UGH.

 

My boyfriend had a beard when I met him, but fortunately -- and he always jokes about being sad about this -- he's not capable of growing a bushy, lumberjack-style beard, so the one he had was VERY light (he's blonde, too, so that helped). Before I met him, my friend who was setting us up asked, "How do you feel about beards?" My response was something like, "Ehhhh...I'm OK with a short, neatly-trimmed one, I guess, but no 'dictator beards.' If he looks like Fidel Castro, it's a no-go!"

 

Don't get me started on man-buns. *SIGH* Fortunately, I'm at an age where men I would date wouldn't have them, most likely, but some of my students have them -- the hipsters, of course.

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So, I was talking to a guy online for a little while. He lives a bit away (30 minutes) but is of my ethnic background so I thought that was promising. We spoke twice on the phone. The first time, I called when I got home around 10, but he said he was going to sleep (works early). Last saturday, he called me at 6 PM and said it was his birthday but due to the weather, he had to cancel the BBQ at his house he had planned and wanted to see if I would get dinner with him. I said I couldn't, I was on my way out the door to meet friends. He said ok, can we meet some other day - I said Tuesday or Friday night. He said Friday..... and then I haven't heard from him at all - no emails, calls, texts, nothing. So, obviously, by 5 PM yesterday, I made other plans. Now, I didn't reach out to him either, I guess i could have done that too, just asked if we were still on, but he was so strangely silent the whole week I just decided to see if he would reach out and he didn't. so... ok. weird.

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So, I was talking to a guy online for a little while. He lives a bit away (30 minutes) but is of my ethnic background so I thought that was promising. We spoke twice on the phone. The first time, I called when I got home around 10, but he said he was going to sleep (works early). Last saturday, he called me at 6 PM and said it was his birthday but due to the weather, he had to cancel the BBQ at his house he had planned and wanted to see if I would get dinner with him. I said I couldn't, I was on my way out the door to meet friends. He said ok, can we meet some other day - I said Tuesday or Friday night. He said Friday..... and then I haven't heard from him at all - no emails, calls, texts, nothing. So, obviously, by 5 PM yesterday, I made other plans. Now, I didn't reach out to him either, I guess i could have done that too, just asked if we were still on, but he was so strangely silent the whole week I just decided to see if he would reach out and he didn't. so... ok. weird.

 

Bummer. He better come up with a valid excuse, but I doubt he will. It's just rude.

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Well. I'm not defending him, but you could have dropped him a line during the week. Why do we always take the passive role? I'm an attacker. If I want something or am talking to a guy, I pursue it. If the man declines, I'm fine with it. Takes a lot less time to take the direct route.

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Well. I'm not defending him, but you could have dropped him a line during the week. Why do we always take the passive role? I'm an attacker. If I want something or am talking to a guy, I pursue it. If the man declines, I'm fine with it. Takes a lot less time to take the direct route.

 

and I agree with you and see your point. Under normal circumstances, I would have just called him on Thursday night and said, "What's the plan, Stan?" But I think I just don't like (or even know him) well enough at this point. Most men, leading up to the dates, have called or texted me a few times, even just to say hi or ask how my day is going, and i just didn't hear from him at all, which I've learned is not a good sign. I think I'm just his backup plan to whatever else he has going on.

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Lol why did you swipe right? For fun or?

 

Well, for fun and curiosity!!

 

Actually, just a few days ago on Okcupid, a guy with a pretty interesting profile (but had no photos) sent me a message. He asked if I wanted to get dinner this weekend and said he wouldn't hold my "credentialism" against me (I said in my profile that I'd prefer to date a man with at least a college degree). I didn't reply, even though his profile was interesting because 1) no photos, and 2) I don't know if that was "negging" or whatever, but it's kind of a turn-off to me. Plus we didn't even exchange any emails whatsoever. Meh. In his profile, he said he attended university so I don't know what his deal was.....

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Turns me off that he said your preference to date a guy with at least a college degree is "credentialism". Erm, no dude, it's called having-equal-standards-ism. Seriously, I don't know where some people get off on talking down to people who clearly have better stats than them in one respect (education, looks, money, whatever) for asking that their potential partners be equally yolked. It's not a bad thing. It's not elitism. It's not discrimination. If someone wants to date someone with a college degree/fit body/awesome personality then they need to have those respective traits themselves.

 

He probably "attended" university but never actually graduated.

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Had brunch with Carol this morning, she was complaining that people sometimes do not see her as an adult because she's not married, no kids, no house. I think it's not all that bad, because at least we have freedom to do what we want to do and when. I've had married friends tell me they wish they could travel at the blink of an eye, but have their kids in school or a husband who hates to travel.

 

I came across this blog post. Good points. Sure, in many ways, being single is easier.... but it also means that you don't have a second income to rely on, nor the emotional support and company.

 

/

 

I am a young professional, I am not married, and I do not have children. When I was on the job market, I was shocked by the amount or people, from inside and outside academia, explaining to me how “lucky” I am to be single and childless. While I understand how inflexible and difficult both the job market and academia overall can be for men and women (but mostly women) with children, no one told me how skewed people’s expectations of me would be simply because I am not married and do not have children.

 

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id go out with him again, he's fun, but he might be better as a friend.

 

Im amazed how some guys email to ask if I'm still there after I haven't replied for 3 hours. I've just started telling them that it's really off-putting, that I am at work or with friends and cannot answer every email immediately. Sheesh. So insecure.

 

Carol, Charlene, and I were talking about this last night. Charlene had some guys disparage her for not texting back right away. Carol said if you've been emailing for a few hours consistently, and suddenly stop, it's rude. She said it's like hanging up the phone and walking away. I don't see it that way because it's email and not a phone call. She said it's easy just to say, 'on my way out the door, talk later!' But it's interesting to get other perspectives. I guess it shows that how one person interprets a situation isn't how another one will.

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In other news, my auntie is gravely ill and getting worse by the day. I have tickets to visit her (she lives in Europe) in about 6 weeks. If she makes it that long.

 

I'm really sorry to hear that Annie. Any chance you can go sooner?

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Carol, Charlene, and I were talking about this last night. Charlene had some guys disparage her for not texting back right away. Carol said if you've been emailing for a few hours consistently, and suddenly stop, it's rude. She said it's like hanging up the phone and walking away. I don't see it that way because it's email and not a phone call. She said it's easy just to say, 'on my way out the door, talk later!' But it's interesting to get other perspectives. I guess it shows that how one person interprets a situation isn't how another one will.

 

I'm in between. I think disparaging is just plain wrong and a total overreaction. Shows a lot of insecurity for anyone to get upset over that instead of just figuring the other person got busy. On the other hand, if you've been emailing back and forth a bunch of times over the past few hours, I think a "ok, off to a meeting now" message is probably a polite thing to do. Overall, it seems like keeping the online/email/text communication to a minimum when first dating helps avoid a lot of misunderstandings.

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Had brunch with Carol this morning, she was complaining that people sometimes do not see her as an adult because she's not married, no kids, no house. I think it's not all that bad, because at least we have freedom to do what we want to do and when. I've had married friends tell me they wish they could travel at the blink of an eye, but have their kids in school or a husband who hates to travel.

 

I came across this blog post. Good points. Sure, in many ways, being single is easier.... but it also means that you don't have a second income to rely on, nor the emotional support and company.

 

]

 

I have some friends who are in the middle - married and choose not to have children. I think it's called "dual income, no kids." So they have double the salary and no child expenses/responsibilities, which allows them to travels quite a bit.

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