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Annie's Journal of Dating and Body Hair Removal


annie24

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You want different things and that's ok. I'll never forget something my mother said years go. She said "find the the person you would be proud to introduce to people you highly respect" and she couldn't have been more right.

 

yes, you are completely right. it's not easy to meet that person and to find that person who wants you back.

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To be honest, the thing I liked most about him was that he's good in bed. He's very fun and giving and we really did have fun there. Apart from that, I remember at dinner, he just started going on and on about his favorite radio show, and who the DJs are and what their schtick is and where they're from etc, and then again at breakfast the next morning and I remember being so bored, I just thought, "why are you still talking about this and why are we not having sex?" (Totally pulling a BlueSpiral there, lol)

 

Between that, his home life, and some other situations of his making, he was definitely not the package I was looking for. Then boring me at mealtime.

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Him changing his mind so quickly was a huge indicator of just going with the flow in the moment. That's ok, but clearly it was causing you anxiety and that's not how a FWB situation should work. Sadly a lot of the time it does cause drama because people rarely agree on just having sex. We humans are difficult and complicated.

 

You don't need someone that 'changes' so quickly. It isn't real, it's situational and has no depth. You're better off doing you and concentrating on enjoying your life.

 

The right man will find his way to you.

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I am really not a go with the flow person. I'm not insanely type A, but I'm definitely not a type B.

 

You're a great woman, don't sell yourself short!

 

My boss said that too recently. We were discussing my future career plans and I brought up the idea of working at a certain company - my friend works there and said they are looking for someone like me. I told my boss this and he said that "you often sell yourself short. You have a way bigger skill set to offer than that." Actually, I didn't tell you guys, but my contract was renewed for the final year. My boss told me he's really happy with me, felt I've met all his goals. When he held a public meeting - actually 2 meetings - he praised me publicly in both and said that I've been instrumental to the success of some certain projects and asked them to give me some applause. That was really nice of him. So, my contract's renewed, it came with a mandatory raise, so that is good as well. He said since I'm doing well, there's no hurry to move to a new job, that I should take as much time as I need to find the perfect fit. He said since what we have is working, there's no need to jump into a situation where I would not be happy. But just to keep him informed and give him as much notice as possible. He said I can stay on longer than a year, but just need to give him notice so he can budget accordingly.

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We all have the right to have our own, particular sticking points. He did, and it seems you do, also. Nothing the matter with that. I respect both of you for laying your cards openly on the table. The trick is to find someone whose sticking points are similar to your own. Then you've really got something.

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Yay! Congrats on the contract renewal! And you SO deserve the public praises give you by your boss.

 

Agreed with everyone about D. Too bad about how it turned out but I feel like it's for the best; like someone else said above, D prompted too much drama (with his ultimatums and persistent phone calls, etc.) for a FWB.

 

Chin up, Annie. Upward and onward to better places and people!

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Oxytocin....

 

must be.

 

Last week when he was sick, I told him to go to the store to buy mucinex. He said he had $0 in his checking account. I mean, if you're so broke you can't pay for mucinex, why are you dating?! Sigh.

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must be.

 

Last week when he was sick, I told him to go to the store to buy mucinex. He said he had $0 in his checking account. I mean, if you're so broke you can't pay for mucinex, why are you dating?! Sigh.

 

Because women will have sex with him.

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must be.

 

Last week when he was sick, I told him to go to the store to buy mucinex. He said he had $0 in his checking account. I mean, if you're so broke you can't pay for mucinex, why are you dating?! Sigh.

 

Yeah. I mean, times are tough for a lot of people, but...if I were so broke I couldn't afford a $5 box of cold medication, I'd probably hold off on dating. My boyfriend isn't exactly rolling in money (to the point where he recently borrowed money from his dad because a check he was expecting didn't come when he thought it would), but he has two kids to support, plus himself.

 

I'm wondering if this guy is really into the FWB thing because it ISN'T really dating, and he can get some of the benefits of dating without actually dating someone, per se. Clearly, he can get women to sleep with him, but I'm getting the sense that he maybe most women he meets don't see him as relationship material, so he just defaults to FWB.

 

Regardless, I think you made the right choice. It's better to have no one than to have someone you have serious doubts about.

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He insisted he really wanted to date me. He had been in a string of long term relationships before but the last few years was single and doing FWB after being in relationships back to back to back. He said he really wanted to be with me and liked me and wanted to see me every weekend for as long as I wanted him. Just yesterday, he told me he hoped I stayed in his life for a long time because he thinks I have a really positive energy and I'm unlike other women he's met. I mean, those are some nice things to hear, that someone really likes you and wants to be with you.... but gosh, he needs to get his life together. It sounds like most women who meet him say the same thing.

 

One of the things I had the most serious doubts about was ..... that he has 2 grown children as the result of his marriage straight out of high school. I was kind of shocked. He said though that they had like no contact for the last few years. He says he's paying child support but that things with his ex-wife are highly strained and she won't give him access to them. I said if you're paying child support, she doesn't have a choice.... he said that wasn't really the case, and anyway, the kids don't want to talk to him. He basically left them after he had a major car accident and it sounds like he wasn't right for a few years. He left when the kids were an infant and a toddler and soon after, his ex remarried a new man, so that guy has always been dad to them. He also told me once he tried to see the kids when they were younger, but someone called the police on him and had him arrested because he was behind on his child support. I said you can try to reach out to your kids now, I think they would want to hear from you, he insisted that he tried and just figured that they should come to him.

 

So honestly, that was such a huge red flag to me. Not that he had kids, but that he wasn't in their lives. I mean, he made them, I feel like he should be there for them, or at least try, instead of thinking about their deadbeat dad.

 

Not that my mom and I have a good relationship - it's very strained - but I know she's still there for me.

 

I don't mind dating a divorced father, but I'd want to see that he is in their lives on a regular basis. I get that things with exes can get ugly and brutal, and I'm sure that his bad accident was a huge strain and he had to get out of a bad marriage and focus on himself.... but i just don't really like everything this added up to.

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He insisted he really wanted to date me. He had been in a string of long term relationships before but the last few years was single and doing FWB after being in relationships back to back to back. He said he really wanted to be with me and liked me and wanted to see me every weekend for as long as I wanted him. Just yesterday, he told me he hoped I stayed in his life for a long time because he thinks I have a really positive energy and I'm unlike other women he's met. I mean, those are some nice things to hear, that someone really likes you and wants to be with you.... but gosh, he needs to get his life together. It sounds like most women who meet him say the same thing.

 

One of the things I had the most serious doubts about was ..... that he has 2 grown children as the result of his marriage straight out of high school. I was kind of shocked. He said though that they had like no contact for the last few years. He says he's paying child support but that things with his ex-wife are highly strained and she won't give him access to them. I said if you're paying child support, she doesn't have a choice.... he said that wasn't really the case, and anyway, the kids don't want to talk to him. He basically left them after he had a major car accident and it sounds like he wasn't right for a few years. He left when the kids were an infant and a toddler and soon after, his ex remarried a new man, so that guy has always been dad to them. He also told me once he tried to see the kids when they were younger, but someone called the police on him and had him arrested because he was behind on his child support. I said you can try to reach out to your kids now, I think they would want to hear from you, he insisted that he tried and just figured that they should come to him.

 

So honestly, that was such a huge red flag to me. Not that he had kids, but that he wasn't in their lives. I mean, he made them, I feel like he should be there for them, or at least try, instead of thinking about their deadbeat dad.

 

Not that my mom and I have a good relationship - it's very strained - but I know she's still there for me.

 

I don't mind dating a divorced father, but I'd want to see that he is in their lives on a regular basis. I get that things with exes can get ugly and brutal, and I'm sure that his bad accident was a huge strain and he had to get out of a bad marriage and focus on himself.... but i just don't really like everything this added up to.

 

Yeah....this story is a GIANT red flag.

 

Bullet dodged. Regardless of his financial status -- which seems quite a minor detail now that you've shared this story -- he just doesn't sound like a great person. Just WAY too many excuses as to why he's not in his kids' lives, why he left in the first place, etc. Seems like some integrity is lacking there.

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well today's been a crappy day.... I went to the dentist and I need a lot of dental work done. I've scheduled the next appointment in 3 weeks to take care of it. And right after payday too, so yay. Then my boss told me that he was disappointed in me the last week that I didn't get some stuff done that he considered a top priority. He said he noticed I've been acting differently lately. I told him that I had a rough breakup this weekend and that was really distracting me, but now that's over. He said "sorry about the breakup, but glad to hear that's resolved" and yeah, now i'm up trying to finish this stuff ASAP. I obviously didn't have my mental wits about me this weekend. Then I went to the gym, and my trainer has access to my online food journal (myfitnesspal) and she wanted to talk to me about not drinking my calories in the form of iced coffees. sigh. I told her I had a bad day, so she stopped there and gave me a hug. She said she had more issues but would save them for a future day. sigh.

 

Haven't heard from D since yesterday, so that is good. I've corresponded with a couple of guys on Okcupid. One asked me out for coffee, but we haven't set a date or place yet.

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Thanks Petite,

 

I'm chatting with a few seemingly decent guys online, I'll let you know if there is a date happening this weekend. I've had a few guys who seemed promising contact me, but right away, they want to know if there will be cuddling/kissing on the first date. Like I told my friend and she's experienced the same thing on Zoosk, it's like going into a job interview and the first thing you say is, "I want the corner office." It's like, wow, we haven't even sat down and had our interview, why do you think you get to ask for the corner office right away? Sure, you may get the corner office once I talk to you and determine it's a good match, but give me a bit of time here! One guy seemed promising - a doctor moving to the area in a few weeks to start a practice. He asked if until he moved here, could he send me "sexy texts." I said no, but if he wanted recommendations on things to do and see in the area, I'd be willing to write and to get to know each other better, but that I'd prefer to lay off the sexy talk for the first few dates.... then he disappeared. sheesh.

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i guess if that's what they want! I told one guy who was pestering me about wanting cuddle time on the 1st date, and when i said no, he said, "ok, good luck." I wrote back, "listen - the last few guys, I had sex on the 3rd date. sorry that's too long for you to wait!" he wrote back like 4 times, I just ignored the messages.

 

I have a date on saturday - talked to him on the phone for a while tonight. He's 35, works for the government, owns his own house outside of the city. So far, so good....

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He insisted that he actually did mean cuddling and not sex. Still, I'm not going to promise to cuddle with a guy I haven't even met once!? It's amazing, it's more than 1 guy who has said this to me and my friends!! Could any of my friends set me up? Eh, I dunno. I mean, of course, I meet people through friends, at parties and such. That could happen too. I do go out and do things.

 

The funny thing about the doctor was, he said that ever since he was diagnosed with and beat cancer, he's had a new lease on life and wanted to be "bold" and thus sext with me. Um, having cancer made you a scuzzy guy!?

 

Yeah, the new guy has a job and his own home. And is taller than me. And wants a pet bear. I told him that's not a good idea, they're not domesticated animals. lol

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I know! a man with a job who doesn't live with mom. It's kind of amazing.

 

D told me he was a decent guy, at least he wasn't addicted to porn or a pedophile. I told him that was a *really* low bar. He said not really, he works in IT and has access to peoples' computers.

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It sounds like you have a great social life and definitely get out plenty. I was just thinking of deliberate set-ups - like they invite you and a great single friend over for dinner. Could be kind of awkward, but I've heard it tends to give good results.

 

Lol at the doctor using his cancer recovery to justify his sleaze. (And I agree, asking the date you've had coffee with for an hour to cuddle you is just weird - he needs to get a body pillow or teddy bear). Or maybe a bear like the other guy! I love bears too.

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