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Annie's Journal of Dating and Body Hair Removal


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Hi Case - Thanks so much for your kind words. I don't know if those things logan said were to hurt me so I could move on. I dunno. He was crying when he broke up with me, saying he felt like crap about it, especially with the timing of it (right after he finds a job). I guess he was just trying to "hurt me less" to break up with me now, instead of for another woman. I don't know. He has verbal diahrrea - he probably said the things about finding lots of new men to have sex with to try to make me feel better?? i dunno what went through his mind.

 

i know he knows i was disappointed with him recently, but i also loved him. i tried. i always wanted to make him nice dinners and plan fun dates. I rarely turned down sexytime. I just tried. It sucks that it wasn't enough.

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Remember that link you Oates a while ago where that guy talked about common interests and not thinking there's anyone better out there. Sorry, I only vaguely remember the titles. Anyways I think it is for the best you two broke up, you just didn't mesh quite right for long term potential. I just wish you could have been the one to break up with him, not to hurt him but to realise that you can walk away if it's not right for you.

You deserve to be happy with your partner you shouldn't have to settle there is better and as Faraday said once you believe it someone special will come along.

I hope you feel a bit better today, look after yourself.

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I think it's a pretty common and normal response to 'demonize' (lack of better word) our exes after a split. You're dealing with two sets of feelings...Any love/affection/tender feelings you still have for them, and the upset that they just dumped you. We feel like feeling tenderness is useless because...well, it's not returned! So we cling to the other side and start digging up ways in which they were god awful, annoying, what have you to realign our thoughts and feelings away from the former(love, affection, tenderness). It's usually just a tactic we use to get us through and then when we are healed up we can better handle conflicting feelings and thoughts about them.

 

I'm sorry but I'm going to say 90% or more of people do not simply say, post being dumped, "They were a nice guy. It just didn't work out, we weren't compatible." We're not robots for crying out loud. Emotional reactions are the opposite of logic and rationale so...And being dumped invokes an emotional reaction...so...

 

I think in time annie, like every other person on the planet, you'll see things more clearly as hindsight always gives us that gift. Your role, his role, and how and why they didn't complement the other. I'm with you, it's been 36 hours. Kind of a lot to expect of a person.

 

I hope you feel better

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Hug Annie. I'm so sorry you have been hurt like this. I think you will feel crap for a while and then move onto better things - I think that having Logan in your life was holding you back in lots of areas of your life.

 

To be honest, I've had several men in my life who have had aspects of Logan's personality, and I got hurt each time. You are MUCH younger than I am so have so much more time and opportunities ahead if you, including meeting men who have more to offer you than Logan did.

 

I'm really not that interested in men anymore, but generally, I am happy and I have good things in my life.

 

I have this feeling that at some point soon, you will surge ahead in your career. In a few months you will realise what a drain Logan was on your energy and time.

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I think it's totally normal for Annie to feel angry - I'm just saying in general we all ended up vilifying him too much when I'm not sure that's helpful - I did that too when I first heard that Logan broke-up with Annie. I was mad and sad for her. But, in all honesty, Annie is so amazing and deserves someone more compatible - that's why I think Logan ended up doing her a favor.

 

Sometimes it's hard to let go - and the other person ending things is just what we needed to move on. I, personally, in the longterm, prefer being dumped. It can hurt more at first but then it's just easier to move on. Heck, my first post at ENA was something along the lines of: "I dumped him and now I want him back - I'm desperate with guilt". I've found it easy to move on generally when others make the decision for me.

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I went back and reread stuff from my journal in July. Back when I said "i love you" at the music festival which he did not return. Or sort of returned. And then when I got frustrated with him for continually talking about his ex. I know some people don't mind ex talk. I'm not one of them. I felt insecure already, between his talk of Africa and not really saying "I love you" to me, it made me feel insecure, which made me feel ultra sensitive about other things. It's was all a bad spiral. I tried. We had good times in between here and there. Lots of good stuff. But I guess overall, not enough. Susan thinks he will try to get back together with me in a few months, and I said no, I don't think so, but even if he did, the answer would be no. I mean, gosh, I loved him a lot. But I didn't like some of his reckless decision making which made me feel really uneasy.

 

I took sleeping pills last night. I slept through the night, and this morning i woke up and it hit me all again. I sent two more short facebook emails to the girlfriends of Logan's high school friends we had been hanging out with (we were friends on facebook already for several months). Basically just short, and said that I enjoyed spending time with them and getting to know them, but sadly Logan and I broke up, and I would miss our double dates. I felt really hurt and sad but it was for the best. I got back a response from one right away, saying she had fun with me too and hoped we could meet up again in the future. She sent me healing hugs and said she thought Logan and I were a strong couple, but then said she didn't know what other issues were going on. I just said thanks, and yes, while we had fun together, we just weren't a good long term match. She said she understood and that we had to do what is best for our respective futures. I didn't want to trash Logan or stir up drama, but I wanted to say 'bye' and 'maybe keep in touch' with a few of those girls i connected with and i know liked me back as a friend as well.

 

sigh. I need to try to get some work done now.....

 

I made a flight reservation to see my cousin again over Thanksgiving. I was going to spend it with Logan and his mom, but now, obviously not. i can return the christmas presents I bought for logan then too at that store by my cousin's house. A few things were "final sale" so I can maybe try just donating to a homeless shelter or something.

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I think you're doing really well with this break-up, Annie.

 

Those Facebook messages sound really nice, and if I were in the position those women were, I would really appreciate the gesture. You are a really great and sensitive person on top of being smart and driven and all that good stuff.

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sigh....... just sigh.....

 

i've just spent a while rereading my journal from july-august. All the stuff about "i'm not head over heels." ugh. I tried. i really tried. i gave him a chance and gave him support and it just didn't work. I know. i sound so repetitive. I'm so sad. i want my anxiety pills. we had some nice times together, but it just wasn't enough. well, no one could say i didn't try, or that i didn't give him a chance. i stayed way too long. he was selfish. i was reading around the time of the wedding, i was telling him i should back off from him a bit because we weren't at the same level, and he said he didn't want our physicality to drop off. he was focused on his needs, not mine. it's who he is. you guys were all screaming at me to just move on. i just wanted to give it every chance possible. sigh.

 

i miss the good times. i've been feeling uneasy for a while. i guess it's good that's finally going to be over. now i just have to work through the sadness and hurt and pain. i did want him to become someone who he wasn't. it's hard to walk away though.

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I did and she must have called it in. I got a text from my pharmacy that it is ready for pickup so I can take it tonight.

 

sigh. i am really just a ball of sad. this is how i am after breakups. i really am tired of being miserable though. i'm pondering going to the gym tonight, if only for 20 minutes. just to get the ball rolling.

 

I know. I'm hurting. And I'm sure he's trolling Okcupid already or gearing up to ask out girls at work. it's just frustrating. I did love him.

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Good news about the prescription at least.

 

It's really normal how you're feeling though, it's so fresh. It's normal to be sad and hurt because you loved him and gave it your all.

I wish I could say it will all pass quickly,but you know it takes some time. The good news is you have friends and interests that can keep you occupied until you get over the worst pain.

 

Do you like classes? Maybe some sort of class at the gym is something that you'd be interested in because you'd be around other people.

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Well I think 6 months is an important check point in a lot of relationships. When he couldn't say that he loved you back and that he was not head over heels, the writing was on the wall.

 

I think you know this relationship was going to end at some point it was just before you were ready.

 

I know that what you wanted from him is reasonable to us, but you really rode him hard honey. Pushing someone to change, which is what he would have to do, is antithetical to a healthy relationship and kind of a libido killer.

 

Don't you want someone who is what you want as they are?

 

I think the other disconnect is you keep talking about how much you tried and how much you loved him. Maybe you should focus on how he wasn't in love. I mean not really saying it back ... girl it spiralled down in July and after BECAUSE your gut feelings were yelling at you that he was not treating you like he saw a marriage-type future with you.

 

I'm a little concerned that you gave sooo much. I heard once long ago that with the right guy it will be easier ... not easy but easier. You will know he loves you, you will be compatible, and YOU won't have to do a bunch of stuff for him.

 

Are you afraid that you really won't find better? Because I completely understand that fear ... it's what keeps us with the wrong guy for a while.

 

I have a friend who would leave guys on a dime. She is absolutely stunning by most standards ... like she ACTUALLY stopped traffic once. But she told me she doesn't put up with bs ... like being treated like a trophy ... because she KNEW she had options. Now this is a woman who would get approached like every other day. But I love that attitude. Never accept less than you deserve. I took that stance after a break up and I will be derned that I was single for a year after that. But the next boyfriend I had became my fiance.

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I completely agree. Unfortunately, love is NOT about how much we give. Not at all. Sometimes, someone loves us and we don't give that much at all. Oftentimes, we give too much and it's never enough.

 

Love is a feeling but love is also giving. The thing is, if you give to someone in a romantic relationship who does not give to you in loving ways then you're not giving love to yourself (basically at some point you're being a doormat). Someone who loves someone romantically who doesn't give/show love in return might feel love but is not experiencing love in a healthy way.

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Annie, I worry that all this pondering may make you feel worse ... How about hanging out with friends or going for a walk? You'll have time later to think things through but for now, please just take care of yourself and your heart ...

 

((Hugs))

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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Annie, I worry that all this pondering may make you feel worse ... How about hanging out with friends or going for a walk? You'll have time later to think things through but for now, please just take care of yourself and your heart ...

 

((Hugs))

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

Tonight after work, i went out with a girl down the hall. We went out, she wanted to find a wig, and then we went to a restaurant (where Logan took me for my birthday) and had some nibbles. We ran into her friends, so we sat at the table next to theirs so that was nice. Afterwards, i talked on the phone with a friend, and then yes, i went to the gym for 20 minutes + 20 minutes walking to and from. Yeah, i'm out of shape. ugh. but i guess just keep at it. it was nice to just watch the tv on the elliptical machine. but seriously, so out of shape, i was on level 1 and it was not easy. i mean, it wasn't difficult, but certainly when i was more in shape, that wouldn't have even caused my heart rate to even minorly increase.

 

about Logan - did i ride him hard? I didn't think so. I mean, at times, but i tried to be really supportive too. I told him just a few weeks ago, i didn't care where he worked, i just wanted him to find something he liked. He said, "And i love you for saying that." but yeah, then other times, i definitely voiced my displeasure, when he gave up on that other commission job so fast.

 

well, he still hasn't given me the check or packages or my keys. surprise surprise, logan is still taking his sweet time getting back my stuff. he said he would do it this week. i guess if he doesn't drop it off by tomorrow, i'll text him to tell me to give it to me ASAP.

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haven't cried yet today. (yay?)

 

just been busy with work stuff. taking a friend out to lunch and then going to an event later tonight. going to a party tomorrow, my goal will be not to talk about Logan, or only briefly if someone there asks where he is or why he is not there.

 

i'm getting increasingly irritated he hasn't give me my stuff back. if it's not there by tonight, i will send him a text.

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haven't cried yet today. (yay?)

 

just been busy with work stuff. taking a friend out to lunch and then going to an event later tonight. going to a party tomorrow, my goal will be not to talk about Logan, or only briefly if someone there asks where he is or why he is not there.

 

i'm getting increasingly irritated he hasn't give me my stuff back. if it's not there by tonight, i will send him a text.

 

I'm sorry that he is being a jerk about the money and stuff. Although I can't say it's super unpredictable given his personality. You thought of him as someone way better than the person he actually was. We all do that with a romantic partner I think.

 

Are you dressing up?! I have parties to go to tonight but I didn't even shop for a costume! I was kinda thinking buy some paint and do this:

 

link removed

 

Gym today?

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oh that's cute! i have a princess leia costume, i was going to wear that. hopefully it still fits!!

 

I've found that logan does stuff, but only at the absolutely last minute. I think if it is not there by tonight, I will tell him i want my stuff back no later than Wednesday Nov 5th. I will also give him the option of dropping it off between 8-5 with the front desk security guard at my work. He lives 15 minutes away from me by car, so really it is not that difficult.

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Why give him that much leeway? Just say by Monday 5PM. He has the whole weekend, today, AND Monday to do it.

 

Oh and I SO wanted a leia or mother of dragons (Daneires? htf do you spell that) costume this year - but it didn't happen. I'll just be an angry bird gotta go buy the face paint now

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