Jump to content
'

Annie's Journal of Dating and Body Hair Removal


Recommended Posts

Annie - I understand wanting to end things. People fall out of love, realize they are not compatible, etc... However, the timing of this is just... baffling? I can't believe he waited exactly until he got a job to dump you. After you've been with him through thick and thin when he needed someone. WHAT. Just crazy. Also his excuse of being interested in girls at work? Maybe Carol was right after all? Scumbag. Next...

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 8.7k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Oh Annie ... So sorry to hear this but like others have said, it's probably for the best ...

 

And while it may not be helpful in the long run to vilify him like Penelope said, I still cannot believe what he said about female coworkers and wanting cats ugh, I'm disgusted on your behalf ...

 

Hugs to you Annie. You know you deserve better ... No, you deserve the best and Logan proved long ago that he wasn't it ... ((Hugs))

 

 

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Link to post
Share on other sites
He broke up with me. Basically he said he didn't feel strongly enough. I told him I thought we worked through this before. He said he was being selfish. he cried. he just left.

 

This is why I hate dating losers. You build 'em up, help 'em out and when they actually get a job and some confidence they are outta there.

 

Sorry to villianize him ... just annoyed at the timing.

Link to post
Share on other sites

he says he feels like crap for doing this to me. seriously. i tried so hard. so hard. too hard, i know. i tried to give him the benefit of the doubt a million times over. i guess i don't have to worry about him anymore, or if he has enough money, or his job, or whatever. i just kept trying to make it work. carol came over and was like, well, you can try, but if it's not working, it's not working.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I know you are right. sigh. i just really tried to make this work. i tried to be the best gf i could. his friends all loved me, his dad loved me too. basically everyone but him really? or he said he loved me, just not enough i guess. he was selfish. i've brought up several times over the past few months, and he insisted he wanted to stay together.

 

but yeah, ultimately, i was worried about us being together - if we were married and had a baby, and he lost his job, would he use up all our savings until he found a new one? that was my big fear. that he wouldn't "do whatever it took" to support his family, because i never saw that from him. I saw the guy who waited until the bitter end to find a job. Carol brought up that if Logan wants to teach, he could have been doing a million things in the last 6 months - getting books on teaching, volunteering, writing his teaching philosophy statement - none of which he did.

 

yeah, 2 weeks after starting a new job, *poof*.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry he did this to you. But look on the positives (hard now, I know) that you can now concentrate on you, do what is best for you, whether that is moving somewhere, or getting back out there eventually and meeting someone that is all in. For now do your own thing, meet with friends, go to events, get your hair and nails done and have some wine and chocolates.

We are all here for you!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Maybe he honestly believed what he said, that once he got a new job he would be able to move forward, and then when he did get a bit more settled he realized he wasn't able to move forward, not because of his job, but because of his feelings? He may have been thinking what he said, that he would feel more comfortable getting serious once he was more stable ... And then he realized it wasn't true.

 

I'm really sorry. Breakups are the worst. We all know you were a great girlfriend. Unfortunately it doesn't have to do with trying. I agree with everyone that it leaves the door open for you to meet someone who will be head over heels for you, without you "trying so hard". Big hugs.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Trust me, I above anyone else knows what it's like to have someone drop something on you when they were saying something else. I can't give any words that will ease your pain right now - I've been there. Just know we are all here for you in whatever capacity you need - be that bash the jerk or give you words of comfort. You will get through this.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh no, Annie!!! So sorry you are going through this!

 

You were "pure gold" as a girlfriend to him!

 

Annie, I think in the long run you would have broken up with him because of the drinking and low ambition. I wonder if he decided to protect himself and beat you to it. That incident last week where he drank so much and missed your special date was pretty rotten and I could tell you were re-evaluating your relationship then.

 

You deserve someone who is healthy and whole. I know he had some qualities that you really liked but he was not healthy and whole because of his drinking and his pot use.

 

I am so sad for you because you are such an amazing person and you have your all to that relationship. Darn- and you had done so much Christmas shopping for him too!

 

Glad your friend Carol is coming over. She is a great friend to you!

Link to post
Share on other sites

sigh. i know in many ways, this is a good thing. Now I am free to apply to jobs all over the country, not just in this area. And I was so disappointed by him too in many ways - between the DUI and his overall lack of effort in life. I'm not asking him to be a CEO or whatever, but someone with more drive. I don't know if I mentioned this on this journal or elsewhere, I went on a date with a man who had only high school education, moved here from South America, and worked his way up from a non-english speaking dishwasher, to a regional manager of a major chain restaurant. Obviously, he had the drive to make things happen, while Logan, with all his gifts, did not.

 

He also cited as a reason to break up that I don't smoke pot and I never will, and he wants someone he can smoke pot with. Ugh. smoke pot and have cats. Meanwhile I'm asthmatic.

 

I am so sad. But I know it's the right thing. Yes, I have been annoyed with him the past few months - from things like missing our special date last week because he drank too much and didn't eat right, to his sister's wedding where he slept through the Sunday brunch and he was the only one not there. He's not an adult.

Edited by annie24
Link to post
Share on other sites

Annie, his priorities are to smoke pot. The smoking pot is absolutely so lame that it's actually comical and pathetic he even said that. Who says that?! How messed up! Cats, seriously people can live without animals, if they love the person they are with and if that person is allergic.

He has his priorities completely screwed up and you deserve someone similar to you with your drive and ambition.Hugs

Link to post
Share on other sites
Yes, remind yourself that while you wanted a serious relationship, he simply was incompatible in many aspects with what you are looking for in a partner.

 

i know i know. and i even said to him several times over the last few months "do you want to be with me?" and he insisted that he did. so i said ok and tried to make it work.

 

he now says he was selfish and he should have let me go then. he said he knows if we stay together, he'd eventually meet someone who caught his interest, and then he'd have to break up with me, and he didn't want to do that to me. ugh

 

there are soooo many things about him that annoyed me. i guess i don't have to deal with that anymore. we went to a housewarming party last month - it was for a friend of mine, and a bunch of people i've only met once before or not at all. he right away gets to the party and wants to discuss religion and politics. ugh. thankfully that topic didn't take among the others, but seriously - it's a housewarming. you talk about decor and the fruit punch. not like "let's go into a party with people i've never met and aggravate them!" ugh

 

is he going to regret this??

Link to post
Share on other sites

Annie, I'm sorry you're heartbroken but I'm kinda glad you split up. You two weren't really life long compatible, you mentioned so many things the past few months that prove this.

It doesn't matter if he regrets it or not. What matters that you move past him and meet a great guy that you don't question and values you.

Like someone mentioned earlier, spend the next few weeks treating yourself and having fun. You were such a great girlfriend and you can be again you a guy that truly appreciates you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
i know i know. and i even said to him several times over the last few months "do you want to be with me?" and he insisted that he did. so i said ok and tried to make it work.

 

And in those instances he may have meant it. But he seems to be a "right now" person and was focusing on if he wanted you in his life right in that particular moment, unlike you who was trying to figure out if you could make the relationship last.

 

He benefited having someone in his life who kept challenging him to be an adult when he really needed it since he doesn't seem to have the inner motivation and drive to do so himself, thus of course he wanted to be with you at the time.

 

It's not that uncommon (unfortunately) that people will themselves into a relationship with someone they are not really into, but who supports them through a rough phase in their lives. But once that phase is over, they drop that person and move on to someone else who hasn't witnessed their 'weak nature'.

 

I hope you don't misunderstand this: from what you have written, he didn't seem to be the right guy for you, but you would not have been ready for a long time to break up with him yourself. So in the long run I think he is doing you a favor by finally owning up that he doesn't see long term compatibility so that you can find someone better for you.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I did tell him not to long ago i was afraid of him leaving me after I 'nursed him back to health.' I tried so hard. That's all I can really keep saying. I know I did everything I could, gave him every benefit of the doubt. It wasn't enough. I was thinking to myself, 'Am I proud of this man?' And the answer was no. I liked him, but I couldn't say I was proud of him, the way I can say I am proud of other people, either for their intellectual accomplishments, or even just for actions they've taken in their own lives (like OG with her breakup and holding her head so high). Did I feel proud of him? No. I understood with the DUI that he couldn't work as a teacher, and I know that really upset him too that he couldn't work in his chosen career path for a while, but he wasn't taking concrete steps to make progress towards it (even if it was reading books on education, or volunteering at a library) - and it was disappointing.

 

I guess in the future, I just need a man with more drive and ambition. And for the most part, I've dated those kinds of guys, but Logan was very sweet to me (sometimes, I guess).

 

My friend who lives and works in my neighborhood just stopped by with some chocolate and hugs and we talked for half and hour and then she had to get to work.

 

oh gosh. i loved him. I tried. i know this is for the best. I felt like i was dragging him along, particularly when it came to job searching stuff. And now that he has a job, it's goodbye.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with Penelope. I can see him either dating a teenager/under 25 person or someone who is very controlling and wants to be his mother (but also smokes pot). No need to villify, I get that - but how incredibly self-absorbed to send you a text like that - he could have simply asked you to meet up after work without saying he needed to talk. I hope you get the money he owes you very soon.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm so sorry, annie. Yeah, I think this is pretty crappy of him to do. Like you said, you did all you can do. You help him through a very hard time and he gets a job and boom, he leaves. I think it was classless and tactless for him to say "Well, I'm attracted to women at work"...ick. I think his priorities are messed up.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting but I think you can do better than him. Yes, him getting a DUI was bad but I could never understand why he dragged his feet in terms of getting it off his record. That made no sense to me. He can't teach with a DUI, that is blocking him from his DREAM, and yet he drags his feet when he has a sure-fire way to get it expunged? Does he know how many people would kill to get a DUI off of their record? Yes, I find that very telling.

 

You can do so much better than him.

 

BTW, I can relate to his not wanting to date someone who didn't/couldn't have a cat...but that's something that would have been a dealbreaker very early on, like a couple dates in, if you felt strongly enough about it. I'll be honest, I wouldn't be with someone who had such bad allergies to cats that they couldn't live with one even with allergy meds but I wouldn't DREAM of dating someone for the better part of a year only to dump them and have that be one of the reasons. I'm sorry, that's a cheap shot.

Link to post
Share on other sites

And about the cat thing... I love cats. Adore them. Definitely want one or two cats once I'm in the position to get them.

 

But it would never be a deal-breaker (unless I already had a cat MAYBE). If my SO were allergic to cats and I couldn't have one, it would suck. But I'd deal with it because significant other trumps cat desires.

Link to post
Share on other sites

He claims he didn't drag his feet on clearing the DUI, but I think he did. He said he did everything as quickly as he was allowed, but I disagree. He said he would finish his volunteer hours in March, but he didn't until May. And actually, a friend who runs a charitable organization "signed off" on the last of his hours and he promised to go back and do them next time he was in her town. I don't know if he actually ever followed through on that.

 

I cried in front of my boss and he gave me a big hug and just said hang in there. He said his wife works with all women, and they all complain about their husbands all day long, and she doesn't understand why they put up with it. I guess that would have been my future.

 

I came into lab this morning, and the woman next to me asked what's wrong, and I just told her. She said she was exactly in my shoes a few years ago with some guy, except it was 5 years. Oh, and she said she was at a conference when he got a DUI and she and his mother spent all night trying to get him out of jail. So I guess it happens. She's engaged now to a new man.

 

sigh. I did some work this morning. going over to another lab to get more stuff done right now.

 

cats. so stupid. i know it's just on the list of things. he told me i should go on OKcupid and find lots of guys to have sex with. I said, "really??? you are saying this to me??"

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...