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Annie's Journal of Dating and Body Hair Removal


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Annie - that is too bad about your nails. You really got hit with that virus! I think it is a good idea to do the soaks to keep any fungi at bay.

 

And on a different subject: When approached by street bums, I still stand by my idea of you speaking in another "language" with a very heavy accent. What can they say to you then!

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ugh, yes, regrowing toenails really sucks.

 

On a totally different topic, I have been watching "Prison Wives" on netflix. Interesting show, though some women are nuttier than others. It follows women who are married to men who are in prison (some for life, some for just years). It's expensive being a prison wife because you have to support your husband, and he can't bring income back into the family. One woman lost her house and filed for bankruptcy a year after getting married to her husband. She had to move back in with her parents. She then wanted to have a child with him, but they live in a state that doesn't allow for conjugal visits. She was looking into options to sue for the right to have his baby (maybe involving taking a sperm sample from him). Now, if she wants to have a baby, there are honestly easier ways of doing it! She talked about adoption, but realized that most agencies probably wouldn't want to work with her. Her doctor and lawyer weren't very supportive of this plan, and brought up the hardship on the baby of being born to a father serving a life sentence. Financial issues totally aside. She was then upset that people weren't more supportive of her, etc...

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Oh man, I've seen that series. I truly think the most facepalm worthy story was Annika's. Oh my God, I wanted to reach through the screen, grab her, and shake sense into her. She met her husband when he was already in prison for murder.

 

Her story is a total train wreck.

 

I have compassion for the women whose husbands go to prison but they were together prior to that. The women who get together with men ALREADY inside prison? Nope nope nope.

 

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Ha ha ha I love a good prison series.

 

Fudgie, she isn't the only one, there is a whole website and forum dedicated for people whose loved ones are in prison. There are so many women that got married men on death row, met while incarcerated - they even have a subforum for those that met and married while their partners were in prison. They had a prison wedding. They marry sex offenders, murderers, drug dealers anyone really.

 

 

 

 

 

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Call me judgey/insensitive but yeah, I don't get it and I think it's pretty awful. Especially since many of these women seem to have children and instead of finding a nice man already who can be a good father figure, they decide to have long distance (essentially) "marriages" with degenerates who will likely never come out of jail.

 

These people need therapy and lots of it.

 

Annika (in the Prison Wives series) was a short, pudgy blonde with very short arms (from some condition she was born with). I think she felt that she probably couldn't find a "handsome hunk" like her prison husband in the real life so she had to settle for one on the inside. At least then she would always know where he was, what he was doing, etc. It's a sign of insecurity. You can't lock up a "real" husband/boyfriend and keep tabs on him all the time but if you marry one in prison already, at least you know where he is, what he's doing, that he's not cheating on you.......with women anyway....

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I completely agree I think they can find good decent men that aren't incarcerated, especially for heinous crimes. The thing is very few of those marriages work out because the men are different once they come out. I think some women even like those relationships because they are so used to not having a partner around.

 

Many women (and men) go on those prison pen pal sites or their friends tell the, they know so and so he's lonely be his friend and a friend turns into a boyfriend then husband. Miraculously all these men are soooo nice and loving and really no one gets it except their loved ones. Yah ok. I don't think a rapist or murderer can be that nice if they go and harm other people willingly.

 

And 95% of these women support the men in prison, they pay for the phone calls and for their commissary. It's just so crazy.

 

 

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I think it's hard to know who they truly are, since you just know them from (short) phone convos and letters. You don't get to see them day to day, how they interact with other people. I mean, prison is a nasty place. Who knows what really goes on?

 

They can be really different when they come out, yes. I imagine it would be doubly hard because the non-prisoner partner would be stuck supporting the one just out of prison because it would likely take a long time for them to find a job and whatnot, and to adjust to "life on the outside".

 

Reminds me of Shawshank Redemption, one of my favourite movies, when Morgan Freeman's character "Red" says how even outside of prison, he has to ask for permission to go to the restroom because after so many years of doing that in prison, he can't squeeze out a drop without prior permission. Being in prison for a long time DOES change you.

 

The women/men who marry people in prison who will NEVER, EVER get out (heinous convictions)? *shakes head* I don't get it. Not even gonna try to understand. It just screams "I NEED HELP."

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Annika was something else. A lot of those wives were. I feel bad for the kids that they get dragged into this!! For the women who had previous bad marriages, it makes sense why they go after the prison guys - they can't hurt them, can't hit them, can't cheat on them. The men are dependent on the women, and if nothing else, it kills the time for them to have a pen pal and a woman who fills up their commissary account. gah.

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My dr. switched me from 10 mg Lexapro and 5 mg of wellbutrin. Now I'm doing 20 mg lexapro. I'm feeling better. I was feeling anxious and depressed with the wellbutrin, I guess that happens for some people.

 

I asked for a referral but my GP wants to see me next week first to look at my nails that are falling off. yikes. gah.

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Well, the interview went well and they want him to go to the training sessions.... but the pay is commission based. hm. I guess he has to think about it! I don't know if that would be a good fit for Logan, but I'll see what he thinks...

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Is it all based on commission? The commission-based jobs in my area will pay you an hourly base wage (many times, close to minimum) and then the way you make more is through commission. I personally wouldn't like a commission based job but if I had to consider one, I wouldn't go with one unless I would be paid at least a base hourly wage.

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ugh, we had a fight/disagreement. we were having a nice night, and then in the car on the way to meet his friends, he told me that his ex's mom wished him a happy birthday, sent him an email, asking about how things are, etc.... He said that it made him feel good that his ex's mom still thought of him fondly. He was like, "oh, i know, i shouldn't talk about that." I said it's fine, and I want you to be honest with me, but it makes me feel like you're still hung up on her. He then insisted that he is over her, even though he loved her at one point and wanted to marry her, but that's all in the past, he's with me now...etc... I told him it just makes me feel like crap that he can't tell me he loves me, and that he keeps talking about his ex. He says he doesn't talk about her that much, but it's enough that I notice and we're having these conversations. Ugh. we went back and forth for a while, and actually, we left the bar early because i couldn't stop the tears in front of his friends. i know that was awkward. He insists he cares about me, doesn't want to hurt me, doesn't want to move forward because he needs to get his life in order first - I said that's fine, i understand all that, but it makes me feel not good when he talks about his ex, and then can't tell me he loves me, because after 6 months, that makes me feel like crap.

 

So I don't know. he insists he wants to be with me, doesn't want to break up, but he doesn't want me to be unhappy or feel like i am wasting my time. I told him he needs to grow a filter, because I just feel really sad and hurt.

 

I don't know if we're really understanding each other.

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I'm sorry that happened, Annie. It is really weird that after six months he still talks about the ex. And that he cares about what her mother thinks. Truthfully, I'd be feeling just like you are and I'd be upset. Like if he said "my ex's mom emailed me to wish me a happy birthday, that was nice of her but unnecessary since I'm not with her daughter" I'd see that differently. But perhaps because I'm the type that doesn't like ex's in my life, or husbands life, it's the past and that's where they all belong. Including their families.

 

 

Sure, he probably doesn't want to hurt you, I don't think most people want to hurt someone else. But if he is hung up on her he needs to be honest about it.

 

I know for some people six month isn't long, but it is half a year. It's too early for marriage but shouldn't be too early for feelings and him loving you.

I know you can't push someone to say it or put a time frame on love, but it isn't like it's just been a month. Half a year is still half a year.

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he said that that time (when he lived in the foreign country where his ex lived), he was happy, he had a good career, he felt useful, things were good, and it's mainly nostalgia over that, not the relationship with his ex. And now he's unemployed, and he says that I'm the only good thing in his life. Which kind of also makes me feel like it's not love. I get that he doesn't want to move the relationship forward until he gets his career and finances in order (totally fine with me!) but it just makes me feel like I'm the 'good enough for now' girl. He says he's scared of saying i love you because he's scared of things messing up, etc... Which I get too, but why are we still talking about his ex after 6 months?? I get that she is in another country, and that her mom reached out to say hi - which i am fine with, but why are we still talking about this? I know he tends to 'overshare' but for me, it's really hurtful. I can appreciate that he wants to share his feelings with me and talk about his day, but 1) talking about his ex, and 2) not being able to tell me he loves me right now are not adding up to a good thing.

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Yes, I totally see where you are coming from. While the relationship is still relatively new, it isn't super new. And he can miss the other country but doesn't have to talk about the ex.

There is no reason to even mention her, unless you're discussing something and it happens once in a blue moon if you ask or who was with you when x, y, z happened. But if he is bringing it up....that's just not right.

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I'm wondering if we should spend some time apart, so he can think about what it is he really wants. Whether to move back to that country and try to win his ex back, or move to Africa with his sister, or try to make things work with me here. And if he wants to be with me, how is he going to prove that?

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Annie, how much does he bring up the ex?

 

To be honest, it's been years and I still very occasionally bring up an ex in a relevant story or something because I've had funny/weird/memorable stories that happen to have an ex in them (not romantic/sexual or anything like that) and I like sharing them, not like in a "I want to be with them" sort of way, just a "hey, I have a funny story about something that I did/happened to me, and one of my exes happened to be there." I mean, let's be honest, I have probably spent MOST of my life after the age of 14 in some sort of relationship even if it wasn't sexual or long term....so yeah, for a huge chunk of my stories, there happened to be an ex nearby, with friends or not. It was actually a real problem in my last relationship because he got really upset and insecure over it. He actually made me a verbal list of things that I "wasn't supposed to talk about" and exes were on there. I mean, it got to the point where I would "screen" things in my head and if an ex appeared in a story, I'd say "a friend" or some nonsense like that.

 

I guess what I'm getting at is, maybe he's just really bad with oversharing and like me, it's not an indication that he wants to be with her or anything like that. I can't really know. What is the vibe you get from him sharing? Is it truly nostalgic? My stories that I bring up, they are more funny, not nostalgic or me wishing for the past or that person.

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He's talking about it enough that it bothers me. He swears he is over her, but I don't think so. The more he brings her or her family up, the more I think that. I'm not comfortable with ex talk. I don't want him to have to cut ties, but I'm feeling like second banana here. Maybe it's just time to move on?

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I've asked him how would he feel if I started talking about my exes, he said it wouldn't make him feel good. I want to tell him about all the guys with bigger (penises) just to piss him off. Ok, I'm saying that here, but in truth i think that would be really hurtful. I just don't get WHY he has to keep talking about his past. He says it's part of him, but it makes me feel like he hasn't moved on. Or even like when i went to his house, he showed me the couch where he lost his virginity in high school. like, ok, thanks, is that something I needed to know?

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Wow...he showed you that, lol..wow, I don't even know what to say.

 

When he talks, do you really feel like it's nostalgia/him wishing for those days? Rather than just telling funny stories and having the STORY be the focus, not the ex?

 

Just trying to understand.

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