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lostnva

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I am 30 y/o. I had my daughter when I was 16. She is 14. She lives with me. She is an awsome kid, does very well in school and spends most of her free time at church. I am blessed.

 

Now, I own my home, I have a great job teaching dental radiology at VCU. I am also a nursing student at night. Now that my daughter is older I have decided to go to college for myself and to set a good example for her. I feel I am attractive and have a lot to offer a man. I am by know means ashamed of my daughter. I was engaged and with my fiance for 4 years (hes 42). He left and ripped my heart out 6 months ago. (See other post) Now that I am trying to date again I feel uncomfortable telling guys my age that I have a 14 year old daughter. What would you guys think about this situation? Would it be weird? Ladies feel free to give your opinion/experiences.

 

Thanks!

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Some guys will be fine with it, others won't. You only want the guys who would be fine with it anyway so you may as well get it out there in the first few dates. If they quit dating you then they aren't a good match for you anyway.

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One of my good friends who was 44 married a 34 year old with a 14 year old daughter. Now he's trying to help put her through college. He is a really nice guy and has been a good stepfather as far as I can tell. They met at church apparently.

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I do tell them as soon as I meet them. I make it a point. Its like I dread it though. I feel like I have to explain myself.

 

I forgot to mention that there are so many possitive points to this that I LOVE. Like I dont need to get babysitters. My daughter will be in college in 4 years and I will be free again. (not completely but you know what I mean) Shes cool to hangout with! She makes a great babysitter if the guy has younger children! Now another issue that I havent ran into yet, but may, is that I dont want anymore children. My daughter is almost grown and I spent my life raising her. I dont want to start over.

 

Thanks again!

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I'd bring it up fairly early in the dating process as well. You are who you are and can't change your circumstances in life. If a man can't accept your age and daughter, then he really isn't accepting of you. I'm sure there are plenty of men to whom these are non issues.

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Its like I dread it though. I feel like I have to explain myself.

 

You don't have to explain yourself or dread this. Let this be something you are proud of. You are proud of her and how great she is. So let this be a positive part of your life when you bring it up to dates. It is only a negative if you make it out to be.

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Even if this guy is the man of your dreams so to speak? That might be limiting your options then in all honesty.

 

 

Your right. Love can make you do crazy things. Now I say I dont want to start over. That doesnt mean I cant change my mind!

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just be honest. that's all you can do and things will work out for the best.

 

as a person who was unable to have kids, count this as a blessing, no matter how old you and your daughter are!

 

ps- I think it's great that you are going to go to college.... it sounds like you have done well as a young mother, kudos to you.

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I met my ex online, and we talked online for about a month before meeting in person. When we finally met in person, he revealed to me that he's divorced. Before we met in person, he never told me he was divorced, and when he finally told me, he apologized for not telling me before, and he thought he had to lie to me because he thought that I would never give him a chance..which was why he waited until we met in person to tell me that.

 

Although my situation isn't really the same as yours, I still continued seeing him because I saw past that... so yeah, if the guy really likes you, then he shouldn't care that you have a daughter

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I am a 27 year old guy and I would say that having a kid in general might be a deal breaker for some and not so much the age of your child. In your case the fact that your daughter is older might be an advantage because she is more self sufficient. I would say it is okay to tell men that you have a kid, but don't bring up the subject of more kids unless you see the relationship going somewhere. In the end people can't help who they fall in love with so I would approach dating like any other person out there. Good luck to you

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Some men may not date you because you are blonde...everyone has a preference.

 

I wouldn't worry about it at all. There is always someone out there for everyone...true story

 

Everyone has their preference, sure, but I don't know any guys that prefer single mothers. Most guys I know just don't want that kind of complication in their romantic lives since they know they'll never come first in the relationship.

 

The good news for the OP is that her daughter is older and will be out of the house soon and a lot of guys that would otherwise disqualify her for being a single mother will give her a chance.

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I'm only 21 and would personally stay away from a girl with a kid because I'm not ready for a kid, financially or mentally.

 

But if I was your age it wouldn't be such a problem. I'm sure you're dating guys your age and older. Don't act nervous about it when you tell them.

 

Also. When you are first dating or talking to the guy I wouldn't mention it unless he asks about it. Just focus on having fun with him and building up a connection then let him know. He will be more likely to stay around I think. It's sad but probably true with most guys, at least around my age group.

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honestly i think if a guy was into you knowing ur a single mother would give him kind of a protective syndrome that might work in your favor. if he was just looking to screw around it might scare him away but that's fine if ur not lookin to screw around anyway

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I'm not your age, OP, but if I knew you had a daughter 16 years younger than you... I would be quite impressed. Most people would have had an abortion (something I'm strongly against). The only thing I'd hold against you is that you even have a daughter at all, but that's probably the 24 yearold in me talking. If I were 10 years older, I probably wouldn't mind at all. Just a matter of being ready for different things at different ages, dating a girl with a child at my age would freak me out

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Also. When you are first dating or talking to the guy I wouldn't mention it unless he asks about it. Just focus on having fun with him and building up a connection then let him know. He will be more likely to stay around I think. It's sad but probably true with most guys, at least around my age group.

 

 

No. This is something she has to be up front about. If you want to freak someone out go right ahead and high something like that from someone. Kids, diseases, etc are things you need to be straight up honest about. Yes, you'll lose a lot of potential dates, but that's the consequences of having a kid, unprotected sex, whatever. Such is life.

 

Since you're a younger guy, lets imagine you meet a great woman, you have fun, you've built up a connection, then a month or three into the relationship she drops a bombshell on you out of the blue that she used to be a guy. Surprise! Not a fun thought now is it? Imagine if you'd known at the very beginning. I'll bet things would have gone differently.

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I think most men interested in single moms would prefer to date a woman with an older child rather than a younger child. You need to be honest and bring it up as a first or second date sort of thing. Understand that many men might not be interested in single moms, and don't take that personally it says nothing about your worth. You wouldn't want a guy who has a problem with it anyway, so it's better you know early on. I wouldn't dwell on the fact you had a kid at 16 if I were your potential suitor so much as I would look at what sort of young lady you raised under what might've been great duress. That, to me would show character, not a lack of.

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