Catholic and sex and ex-boyfriend....wooah!

[sprkal]

Having another dilemma,

I'm a 19 yrold virgin, just out of a 8 mnth relationship with a fantastic guy. The only reason im still a virgin is possibly because of my religious persuasion. Im no fanatic, and im a modern girl, but im a practising catholic, a little confused about the demands of my religion and how i can justify them in our modern society.

 

I'm really looking for anyone elses (perhaps other catholics) opinion/experience with the whole no sex before marriage issue, and how they deal with it, make sense of it, and justify such rules in a modern context...

 

_____________________________

 

I sort of have another problem also that shouldnt really go here but we're only able to have one post i believe so here goes:

well ive just broken it off with my bf, and after a few weeks of 'no contact' we are still the best of friends, we are very close and know each other well. He is a fantastic guy and i really do regret not making love with him, i think that if i were to lose my virginity, i would like to with him more than anyone. But maybe thats all just because im not really over it all yet (even tho i ended the relationship, because of the commitment i think... ). See im crazy! Anyway, comments would be appreciated

 

thanks!

[neallo82288]

Where were you when I was your age and needed another Catholic lilke myself with strong beliefs? It was tough on me and I failed to achieve the goal you want. Just keep your faith strong and let the Lord guide you. You have to know that it is and should be well respected that you are saving yourself for marriage. You are letting society trust their peagannistic beliefs on you. Just keep your faith strong and it will guide you. Once, you have sex (prior to marriage) it will haunt you for the longest time. Trust me on that one. You have a deep faith and any guy should respect that. You faith is what makes you a great catch. You will never cheat and none of that stuff. Just keep your faith strong and let the lord guide you.

 

Neallo

 

PM me if yuo need more support. Like I said I am Catholic and Know what you are going through.

[MrKawabata]

It is by means of the sex act that a man and a woman truly become one whether it is within marriage (Genesis 2:23-25) or outside of marriage (1 Corinthians 6:16). However, the Biblical ideal for oneness is to be expressed only within the marriage bond. This is emphasized by Christ in (Matthew 19:4-6).

 

As for your position to modern society you should read (John 15:19; 17:6); Galatians 6:14); (John 17:11, 18).

 

As for your obligation to modern society you should read (1 John 2:15-17); (Ephesians 5:11); (James 1:27); and (1 Corinthians 7:31).

[1Adam12]

I too am 19 and a Catholic myself all I can say is you did right. I would say you were tempted but stuck true to your faith which was the right thing to do. You'll benefit greatly out of it

[rilo82]

yes u did the right thing. i am no catholic but i know that it is only right for u to keep that thing for that special someone which u are going to marry.

[Balthamos]

It's so encouraging to see several others who believe like I do. Keep your faith and your convictions strong, guys will respect that, and if one doesn't, he's not the right one. I know it's hard, but, in the end you'll be so much happier with this decision. I just moved to a college and many of my Christian friends have given up their old beliefs and morals, so it's always nice to hear from prople like me who are still committed to their beliefs. Stay strong and please, don't hesitate to ask, via post or pm, if you need more support.

 

God Bless,

 

Balthamos

[mahlina]

I could totally relate to you. I'm from a strong, devout Catholic family. My uncles/cousins go to church everyday, and every fridays and every Saturdays/Sundays. They're crazy. Nothing wrong with being religious however, I used to be like you.

 

Now I'm torn! I sincerily compliment you for still being a virgin, especially for this day & age. I know people at church, who aren't virgins, yet they boast about being such good girls. They're scouts leader for the church, and so on Sunday meetings, they'll whip out a stack of weed and smoke it. And they go clubbing, and sleep around.

 

Yeah, I know how you feel. I was completely oblivious to the "everyone's so pure and christianized. we have strong beliefs that will help us carry good morals throughout life...." Uh humm....yeah right! I was completely naiive to have so much faith in my church/religion.

 

I was completely like you, especially after confirmation. I wanted to remain a virgin, but my ex kept pressuring. After 5 monthes of going out, he kept on bringing it up, and I'd say, "marriage first,' and he'd say, "a relationship is built on 50% physical/50% mental." So he even accused me of not loving him. I felt bad and gave in. It's like biting into the forbidden apple. My life went to hell from there. He wanted to break up b/c he was starting college, and wanted to meet other girls of course. But we lasted for 3 years (of complete & utter drama).

 

My only advice to you is:

to seriously examine the guy's "intentions".
Ask to yourself, does he want to marry you?
Is he at the right age to financially support you, a family, and himslef?
Read through his lines, and you'll see.
Does his actions justify his intetions?
Is the relationship healthy and mature?
Be patient, and don't make haste decisions.
Be really strict with yourself, and don't give into temptation.

 

The basic stuff that the church teaches is true. Once you're de-virginized, it's like life goes to hell, and you're heart goes all ballistic. Once you lose what you most cherished possession, you kinda regret it, only wishing that you didn't open that door. My decisions to do it set me back from attending my dream school, medical school, my enthusiasm, and faith in people. It devastated me. Within the 3 years, I really commited myself to this guy, and he'd occasionally flirt with others, and it just wasn't a beautiful picture. Although, it was a mistake, I did learn a lot. At least, I don't live in a bubbled life, always believing that this world was so fundamentally sweet. I've grown up a lot from my decisions. thereforeeee, deciding on giving it up has it's 'pros and cons'.

 

Just on the side note if you choose to be intimate, when going to confession, try to confess at a window, and at a different church. I confessed in front of this priest at this one church (in which there were no windows), and I confessed about losing my "V," and then he's all asking me about these details like, "what'd you do, how did it start??" I was just like, uh...freaky, please don't start jacking off. It was gross. He wanted details. Nasty!

 

Anyway, if you end up doing it, don't punish yourself, but make sure that you are strong enough to prepare for the reprocussions. And don't let the values of the church get to you.

 

I used to conform to the Catholic beliefs, but after learning about European/American history in college from radical teachers, I'm really beginning to question a lot of things with the church. It's really depressing actually. Oh, and with these molestations issues, I'm really losing faith, especially b/c priests who do molest, preach about sacredness, and abstinance, and we confess to them, and what do they do, turn around and molest little boys..... (One of the priests at my church got busted a few monthes ago, and his case was about to get annulled. I can't believe that!). I'm really jaded when I go to church.

 

So, what I'm getting at is, don't worry too much about what the church says (because a lot of what goes on is hypocritical), but just stick with the basic values of what the church provides you. Because those simple life morals is what we should follow. That's what keeps us happy/balanced. Listen to your heart, then use your mind to make a final & wise decision.

 

Once again, I completely admire you for not giving in. Good luck on your decisions, and may God bless your good intentions!

[dikaia880]

Be strong!

 

I'm not catholic, a lot of my friends are, and I sort of despise the hypocricy in that curch. I don't think you should worry about what the church says, worry about your beliefs...if you believe you should wait for marriage by all means wait. I didn't, there are times I wish I had and times I'm glad I haven't...thats up to you. Try looking at God not through your pastor's, ministers, bishops, or whomever's eyes, but through your heart and what the good book says...once I started going about religion that way that's how I found my true beliefs, and it's the only way I can possibly say now whole-heartedly that I believe.

 

"God will only put as much temptation in front of a person as he feels that person can handle."

[ForAnother]

I have been thinking about this for a very very long time. I was a virgin until this year. Now I have caused my current gf to lose her virginity. I have felt guilty I have done this to her, but she reassures me that its what she wanted to do. She is only 16, and I don't see how she is able to mentally withold herself.

 

Now I guess after looking at all these posts I have wished that I had not taken it from her. I wish she would have saved herself and not had be do it. I really feel upset. I am in no way religious, and neither is she. But I think it is mentally and physically something that she has lost because of me. Though over time I have also thought, hey we only live once, life just is what it is. One day we all die, and no one is going to care whether you lost your virginity when you did.

 

Truthfully I don't know where I am going with this... yes it is a nice thing to wait, yes there are consiquences... I would say hang on to it. Its one hell of an experience... you will learn yourself the most when you begin having it... We all learn one day i suppose.. why not today. Stick with what makes you comfortable.

 

ForAnother

[sprkal]

what wonderful advice! I truly appreciate it.

 

On the sex issue, ive come to think now that if i am questioning it, then i am not ready for it, and that's probably the best decision.

 

On the catholic church, well i belong to a parish in 'regional' Australia, I'm not really part of any of the groups, i just go along every week because it is my faith and it gives me something to base that on. The hypocrisy in the Church itself is appaling at times, but i like to think that my beliefs have nothing to do with dirty old men in robes, or cruel laws, or hypocrisy or anything. And i think that some of those who are turning their backs on religion because of these hypocrisies etc, have every right to in the current circumstances, however I hope that you dont turn your back on god, I dont think that that is the way to deal with it.

 

Anyway, before i start to make my self out to be a 'bible basher' (which i am definitely not!), i shall stop!

 

It seems to me that 'sex before marriage' must be something that alot of people grapple with, even without the catholic/religious aspects. That gives me some peace of mind. I guess i have come to realise that I'm just not ready, thanks for helping me see that

 

Its nice to know 'you are not alone'

 

peace out -

 

Sprkal!