What to do?

[Notreadyet87]

Well if you've followed any threads I've had about this particular friend, then you know that she's very unstable and has bad habits. She's also a user.

Basically the short version. Is that me and her were best friends for several years and we had so much fun, but she was always the type to get a boyfriend and then neglect everyone. WEll she ended up getting with this guy who was sooo bad for her. He doesn't have a high school diploma and he's 22. No job. And he can never keep jobs. He has VERY bad anger issues(he's beat her up twice, one of the times she was nine months pregnant) and because of his anger issues he always gets kicked out of peoples places which means that he goes from home to home. Well they got married two years ago and since then our friendship has been odd. When he does her wrong and really hurts her she relys on me--calls me a lot, wants to see me, so she can feel better. And then when she "feels" that things are decent we don't talk again.

Basically the only times where we've been close since she's married this guy is when he abused her, when he wanted a divorce(which has occurred 14 times in their marriage)or when he lived with his cousin--which happens to be my boyfriend.

Other than that, we don't talk very much. Why? Because she's constantly trailing after her husband.

For instance he was recently kicked out of my bf's place, and so right now he's been going back and forth between his mothers place and his brothers place, which are both EXTREMELY overcrowded, and she's been following behind him with two kids.

Not only is this unstable, because the kids NEVER stay in one place for more than a month. But it's also causing them both to be continosuly broke. Neither one of them have jobs. And her guy hates working.

Well she's starting school(community college) to be a nurse. Which is great, but everyone wonders how long that will last. Her husband NEVER wants to watch the kids, doesn't want to work, and doesn't want her going to school.

She has two kids, bills to pay, and she will be the sole provider--with so much pressure it's going to be hard for her to stick through school, unless she REALLY has the will power. She hasn't demonstrated that she does. But whatever.

The problem is that her bad habits along with her flakiness is starting to get to me. For instance she continously cheats the system--lying about her marriage status to get food stamps, medical care, and now she's lying about her work history(acting like she's self employeed and providing fake reciepts) so that she can get tax money back and get an apartment.

It's her crazy husband, and her bad habits that are really starting to get to me. I love her kids. And I love her when she's actually around, but when she isn't around she doesn't really make time for me. And she's so hooked on this guy-who btw has told her on several occasions that he doesn't know if he loves her or wants to be with her--that she really isn't thinking straight.

I just don't know if I should cut her off to spare my feelings or if I should be her friend but limit our contact.

How do you cut a friend off or limit contact to avoid hurt and irritation with a friends bad habits?

[bluexin99]

I know you're not okay with her bad habits, but have you thought about why she does what she does? It seems like the ugly circumstances of life are forcing her to do these not so pretty things e.g. lieing for financial benefits.

 

It must feel pretty devastating to have a friend who comes to you when she's in need and neglects you again when she recovers. Have you spoke to her about this?

 

Since you want to avoid her because you don't want to be hurt by her circumstances, then clearly, you care a lot about her. Why don't you talk to her about how you feel. I don't think avoiding it is a good idea.