how to end casual dating with sensitivity?

[makingchange]

Ive been dating a guy for a few months - we've been out six or seven times maybe and I stayed over at his house on friday for the first time - we shared a bed although have not slept together.

 

I have really enjoyed his company, we get on well etc but theres just no spark and I dont want it to go any further. So, i'd like some advice please on how to tell him that without insulting/upsetting him. I've never done this before (always me that gets dumped usually!!)

 

Weve never made it in to anything so I dont really know how to end it! but feel I should be honest - not just not make any further plans to meet up.

He is a friends brother as well so i'll see him occasionally as part of a group so i'd really like to end it very nicely so theres no awkwardness

 

All advice welcome, thanks

[alli]

Tell him what you said here. He's great & there's nothing wrong with him, you just don't feel the spark. Then ask him what he thinks. Do it in that order, don't ask him what he thinks first, have him profess his love to you, then dump him (lol, well sort of, just give him a chance to save face so it seems more mutual than you dumping him).

 

Would you still enjoy hanging out with him as just friends? You could suggest that if you don't think he seems hurt & you liked spending time with him.

[simply complicated]

Thats definitely a tough thing to approach, i'm pretty bitter so I wouldn't want you to do it my way.

I'm on the recieving end of your situation, i've also been dating a girl and have gone out a few times etc. I get the feeling she's no longer interested, we'll go days without talking, and even weeks without seeing eachother. I figure she's not one for confrontation so I brought it up myself stating that there doesn't seem to be much interest, why don't we go our separate ways, but she denies that, which is BS.

But anyway, my point is, n take from a guys perspective, don't go about it like that, it's just confusing and annoying, just be upfront about how you feel, maybe give him a call, I wouldn't usually advise the phone idea, but you two are only dating and there is nothing serious, so it's ok. You can simply tell him that his company has been great, but your just not ready to commit, and you don't feel it's right to lead this on any further.

It's up front, it's to the point, and any man should understand it, just let him know theres nothing wrong with him, it's just how you feel.

[lostnva]

I had to do this too. Just a month ago. Now I did have good reasons or at least they were good excuses. Like, I am too busy with school and work, and I just dont have time to date. I was also only a few months out of a 4 year relationship in which my heart was ripped out, so I knew I was using him to pass time and that wasnt fair. Do it now, it only gets harder. I was sad for about 2 or 3 days. Thats how I know I did the right thng

 

Good luck!

[alli]

I think this is a good idea, however I really think you should do it to his face. Yeah, it hasn't been that long, but it's the right thing to do.

 

And Simply Complicated, why didn't you just dump her then anyway? Or did you?

[makingchange]

thanks - yeh i definitely want to do it properly, not just let it drift off or make up excuses. I thought i'd call rather than arrange to meet up but a friend suggested it might be better to meet up for a drink because then we'd still have to stay for a little while which might make it easier then to move into friends. Which yes, i would be up for being friends - its not been a long time, we havent had sex, so i'm not exactly breaking his heart! but i just want to be honest and upfront and not waste his time. Its more that i'm anxious not to insult him - how can you tell someone you just dont fancy them without making them feel bad?

[alli]

"I just don't feel a spark. There is really nothing wrong with you & I don't want you to feel bad, if that's what you're thinking." Willingness to be friends probably helps show him there is nothing wrong with him.

 

Also, you said he is your friend's brother? Telling HER anything about it will more than likely get back to her brother, so tell her that he is a great guy but you guys just don't click together.

 

It seems like you hear about the dumper saying one thing to their face & another to everyone else gets to the person they are dumping. Telling everyone the same story.. and maybe giving the impression that it was a mutual decision.. will probably make him have higher regard for you & believe you when you say he did nothing wrong.

[simply complicated]

I think this is a good idea, however I really think you should do it to his face. Yeah, it hasn't been that long, but it's the right thing to do.

 

And Simply Complicated, why didn't you just dump her then anyway? Or did you?

 

 

I really liked this girl, she's sweet, genuine but has no experience, I honestly don't think she knows what she's doing, thats why I was patient with her, plus there was restrictions that complicated the situation.

 

If it were any other chick, I wouldn't have thought twice about it.

[Batya33]

Since it's such a short relationship I don't think you have to do this in person - on the phone is fine. I would just tell him that you don't want to lead him on but you don't really see a match here. I wouldn't ask him how he feels - if he wants to share, he'll tell you.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

we havent had sex, so i'm not exactly breaking his heart!

 

Breaking someone's heart is not dependent on sex. Plenty of people have had their hearts broken even before sex has happened. When someone's heart gets broken it means they have had an interest in the other person and it wasn't returned. I would also say that you did share a bed together and that is a pretty intimate thing to do with someone you don't feel any sparks for...so that in itself could have led him to believe that you felt more than you did. I would not tell him that you don't feel sparks. I would just simply tell him that you don't think you two are a good match. This way he is not left with this notion that you found him unattractive, especially since you shared a bed with him.

[makingchange]

agreed about sex, i just meant it as part of explaining that the relationship had not gone far yet. I dont want him to think he's not attactive enough - its simply that I dont feel the way I know I should/would/could about him and I dont see it developing.

 

So, is phone actually the better option? I just dont know how to actually word it? Aaarrgh!

[lady00]

Breaking someone's heart is not dependent on sex.

 

So true. My biggest heartbreak was with a guy I had dated but not slept with.

[lady00]

I would tell him in person. I don't think there are any rules about this or any particular etiquette with regard to a short casual relationship, but I think in person is usually the best way to go.

[hereagain]

This is a more complicated situation that it first appears.

 

I'm in an almost identical situation, I'm just out of a pretty bad relationship, and met this guy. He ticks almost every box if I could list the things I would want in a guy. He's the kind of guy I've always said I wanted, and when he finally comes along, I'm just not interested.

 

My concern is that this could possibly be because of the freshness of the recent heartbreak and the destruction of my trust in others, and once I've recovered from the previous relationship, I could probably find him attractive.

 

We've been on a number of dates, kissed, but that's as far as it's gone. I don't not like him, I just seem to feel a bit indifferent. I really enjoy his company, we have loads in common, and our futures lie in very similar directions, so we are very compatible, but I don't get that excitement and butterflies when we are meeting up.

 

I don't want to lead him on, but don't want to end it in case he could possibly end up being the love of my life and potential marriage material...