angel1980 Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 my BF has smoked weed for 6 years .. mostly every single evening after he finishes work and at the weekends. i have wanted him to stop for ages (though gave up mentioning it ages ago as i knew he only would when he is ready) and he finally decided that he wanted to seeing as a few of his friends have and say it's the best thing they ever did... he is on day 7 of not smoking it and he is having the most severe mood swings i have ever seen him (or anyone) have ... totaly over reacting about things and flipping out at me over nothing , shouting n screaming at me and saying some really nasty things... to top it off he is also seeing things not how they really are at all and blaming things all on me and saying that all the problems we ever have are all may fault .. . he is genuinly beleiving this right now. he was supposed to be spending all day with me today but flipped out and said some awful things and then went home leaving me crying and feeling really sad that the air was left really bad between us. i want to be there to show my support... i have even said i will put my social life on hold for 3 months and not go out at all while he is giving up so i can keep him company (he said he cant go out while giving up as he has always had the weed there to wind down with after a night out so wouldnt feel safe at the early stages of giving up) .. so i have made him this promise that i would be there to support him and not go out myself to keep him company... but i am feeling like strangling him at the moment to be honest. has anyone else been through this with a partner and what is the best way to deal with it without ending up hating them totaly. Link to comment
sff123 Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 I've quit caffein before which doesnt seem like a big deal but it had a huge affect on my mood. It's hard to see yourself objectively when you're in a situation like that. Try to remind him that most of the things he's thinking are mood related and just try to be as kind as possible and realize that the things he says now aren't true and he'll feel better later. Also arguing with him in when he's in a mood can be very counter productive so try to put it off but don't let him brood too much either, just try and give him positive reinforcement. Link to comment
angel1980 Posted January 11, 2009 Author Share Posted January 11, 2009 i did try to quit the arguing earlier ... i went up to him and cuddled him n started stroking his neck which stopped his anger for about 2 minutes but then he just kept starting n starting n starting. if it went quiet he would just bring something else up to have a go at me about .. its such hard work. i have said to him 'this is all the weed making you feel like this' but when he is in mid mood swing he can't see that and just screams 'it aint the weed, it's you' i'm kind of worried that we wont even last the duration of him quitting and he will end up dumping me coz he suddenly thinks i am wicked witch of the west .. it has really messed with his mind coz he truly believes that everything is all me and his quitting wouldnt be so bad if it wasn't for me .. there is nothing i can say coz he just sais 'i know 100% that that is how it is' like earlier in a temper he was saying that all the arguments n problems we have ever had are all my fault becuase i am messed up coz i had crap childhood... it's not true at all.. yes i sometimes am the culprite who is the cause of an argument and have a few emotional probs from my past but i think we have been just as bad as each other in our own little ways but he is suddenly seeing me as this awful person and saying that the quitting weed has made him see that. it's liek he is relentless and desperate to argue and point out how awful i am. Link to comment
coldplay. Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 I quit, the first few weeks are the worst. I can relate to his position, I bet all he thinks about is getting a bag, and it becomes frustrating it really does, i used to get so mad and unpleasant. It will pass though. Youve got to break the routine around smoking too, his life is still structured around getting high, making it harder yet. Try to keep busy, and not bored! Link to comment
sff123 Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 i think the things hes thinking are real in a sense but they wouldnt bother him in a normal state of mind. if you totally deny it it could make him more angry cuz its like denying his agency as a person. If you say "ok that's probably true and ill try to be better but dont you think you'd be nicer about it if you were in a better mood" or something to this affect where you're acknowledging his complaint but asking him to be more forgiving it might work better Link to comment
amipushy Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 Sounds to me like he is giving up for you, not himself. If that IS the case, expect him to start again soon. Its all in the mind and his minds not on it. Link to comment
unabashed Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 He should probably be detoxing under the supervision of a doctor, especially if he is having such severe symptoms. It's also possible that the pot was masking the symptoms of an underlying psychological condition, and now the symptoms are starting to come out. He never really had to deal with his own emotions and it sounds like they are overwhelming to him. I think he needs some professional help to get through this. All the best. Link to comment
angel1980 Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 i disagree that he is giving up for me .. i didnt mention him giving up for months and months ... he made the decision all by himself and i told him i would support him every step of the way. well we havent spoken for nearly 24 hours now ... the longest we have gone without speaking for a while. i don't feel that i should contact him first coz he was the one who wanted to go home early yesterday and he was the one who said the nasty things to me ... he prob believes in his head it was all my fault but i really don't think i should be going out of my way to be the first one to contact him n ask how he is. i wonder how long he will keep me waiting before he actually decides to stop being stubborn and contact me ... do you think waiting for him to contact me is the best way to go seeing as it was him who had so much to say yesterday n was saying he didn't even care about me etc. i would have hoped that he would wake up this morning and realised that he over reacted and text me to say sorry... but he hasn't .. so i guss he is still in the same frame of mind as yesterday and thinks i am wicked witch of the west. Link to comment
angel1980 Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 ahhh he stil hasnt contacted me .. really thought he would have by now. i feel like im crumbling and want to text him to find out what is going on and where i stand... HELP Link to comment
angel1980 Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 it's been 24 hours now with no contact from him at all... i don't know what to do. i feel like im on NC coz of a break up, desperatly trying to stop myself from contacting him. i really want to know what's going on.. why is he not contacting me .. he never ever goes this long without a little text. please please advise me on what i should do.. should i keep on waiting or should i cave in and text him?? Link to comment
angel1980 Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 ??? please help.. it's getting desperate .. im on the verge of contacting him Link to comment
Mutley Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Why don't you contact him and see what the heck is going on? Link to comment
angel1980 Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 well i text him n asked him how he was and what he wants to do.. also told him i miss him, by the sounds of things i think i am on the way to being dumped... sais he has thought about it last night and today and he really doesn't think it's what he wants any more and we are always back to square 1 etc. i can kind of see where he is comign from but i can't see how he can even say we have had a proper go of hings while he has been chemicle dependand the full time. i text and and said that i would at least like us to have the chance to see what it is like without him being on the weed every day and if in a few months time when he is no longer a smoker, it is still the same then i will eat humble pie and accept that it was jsut 'us' and not anything to do with his chemicle addiction. he hasn't replied yet so am just waiting .... i got a horrible feeling it wont be good news though. once he gets it in his head that he wants something or doesnt want something... he is very very stubborn and it's so hard to change his mind. will just have to try my best to let him go if that's what he wants... 3.5 years down the drain Link to comment
Mutley Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I think he might be choosing the weed over you. If this is the case, you are much better without him. Link to comment
Ecdevon Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 well i text him n asked him how he was and what he wants to do.. also told him i miss him, by the sounds of things i think i am on the way to being dumped... sais he has thought about it last night and today and he really doesn't think it's what he wants any more and we are always back to square 1 etc. i can kind of see where he is comign from but i can't see how he can even say we have had a proper go of hings while he has been chemicle dependand the full time. i text and and said that i would at least like us to have the chance to see what it is like without him being on the weed every day and if in a few months time when he is no longer a smoker, it is still the same then i will eat humble pie and accept that it was jsut 'us' and not anything to do with his chemicle addiction. he hasn't replied yet so am just waiting .... i got a horrible feeling it wont be good news though. once he gets it in his head that he wants something or doesnt want something... he is very very stubborn and it's so hard to change his mind. will just have to try my best to let him go if that's what he wants... 3.5 years down the drain Hello I know you posted this so long ago but I'm currently living your exact story. I've waited 5 years for him to give up weed and he's smoked it for 20 years- his anger towards me is currently out of control. Does it subside or is it real feelings coming out? Did you guys work through it? Link to comment
Snny Posted May 27, 2016 Share Posted May 27, 2016 Hello I know you posted this so long ago but I'm currently living your exact story. I've waited 5 years for him to give up weed and he's smoked it for 20 years- his anger towards me is currently out of control. Does it subside or is it real feelings coming out? Did you guys work through it? I recommend you make a thread so that people can respond to your concerns. Link to comment
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