Nights and Mornings

[Singlestill]

Nights and Mornings, especially this weekend, have been the worst for me. Last night I read until 3:00 A.M. because everytime I would lay the book down, and try to go to sleep, her face would pop into my head, clear as day. I couldn't stop crying last night because I am pretty sure I will never see her lay next to me again. Never see that look I was picturing. It is gone but I can't let it go.

 

Same goes for in the mornings when I wake up. Before I can occupy myself I am thinking of her, and things get off to a less than stellar start. Or worse I wake to think she is laying next to me and then it hits me that there is emptiness there, and nothing more

 

How do others on here cope with those moments when the brain lets down its defenses and the pain floods back over you? Is there a way to prevent it? I have tried stop technique but it just banishes her ghost for a few brief moments. And it is usually when I am unprepared that it happens.

[StillHoping]

The mornings are worst for me. I have been waking up around four. Then I just lay in bed and thoughts of her run through my head until it is time to get up. Things improve a bit during the day but something always triggers a memory of her. I cope by trying to keep myself preoccupied. I call friends, go out for lunch, exercise or just go out in public to keep from being totally alone. Sometimes it works for a while and other times nothing works. I am relying on time healing all wounds but it is so hard. Sorry that I can't be more positive.

[Sev]

I always find the morning as soon as i wake the worst, or if i have a nap in the evening. You seem to loose the barrier you build up through the day.

 

I think the only thing that will save you here is time. You could try the fast fowrad technique though.

[Singlestill]

I always find the morning as soon as i wake the worst, or if i have a nap in the evening. You seem to loose the barrier you build up through the day.

 

I think the only thing that will save you here is time. You could try the fast fowrad technique though.

 

What is the fast forward technique?

[big sigh]

Yeah, nights and mornings are hardest for me also. I think its because its time that you have to be alone, and when I'm alone I just reflect on all that stuff, start picturing her with her new bf, wondering if she's happier, what I did wrong, etc. During the day I can find stuff to do and friends to hang out with, but when I'm in my bed I'm just alone with my thoughts. I've taken lots of time during the day to be alone though, because I know that I need to get used to it as I'm not the type of person to jump into another relationship. I've only had one relationship and it was over 3 years. Anyway, I guess I can't give much advice, just letting you know others feel the same way. Good luck.

[Sev]

This is it, it kinda works sometimes for me other times its useless!

 

Wouldn’t it be nice if there were a way to “fast forward” past the pain? Just press a button and speed up time to a point where we feel more balanced and rational. While I don’t have a magical button for you to press, I do have The Fast Forward Technique. The Fast Forward Technique has many uses, but one of the best is for getting over the pain of loss. If you commit to performing this three times a day at least, you will be amazed. STEP 1: Feel whatever it is you are feeling and notice how and where you feel it. For example many people feel emotional hurt in their chest or heart (that is why it is called heart break). But, that may or may not be true for you. Now just focus on your feeling and ask yourself silently or aloud the following:

Can I allow this feeling?

Or…

Can I welcome this feeling?

And then answer. It doesn’t matter if it is a Yes or No.

STEP 2: Ask “Could I let this feeling go?” Again, a Yes or No is acceptable.

STEP 3 Ask “Would I let this feeling go?”

STEP 4 Ask “When?” STEP 5 Now examine the feeling again. Does it feel different? Did you feel a shift? The shift is different for everyone, but is a sign of small healing. You want to feel how your feeling has changed and repeat steps 1 thru 5. The Fast Forward Technique should not be a struggle. In fact, it will usually feel quite warm and soothing. You will want to do 2 or 3 sessions a day. One session may be 5 or 6 repetitions or more through the 5 steps.

[mariposa81]

I know what you mean. For me, mornings are always the roughest. Nights don't tend to be so bad for me, but it wasn't always like that. What I started doing at night is having a ritual, something that I did every night to take my mind off things. Something I did for myself, to be good to myself. Some people may read a good book before bed or take a hot bath and listen to some music. For example, my thing was to watch the first season of a popular miniseries that I hadn't seen and go through all of them (I chose The Sopranos starting with Season 1). It sounds stupid but I would watch one episode a night and since it's such a good show, I would be focused on it. I would either set my television to "sleep" mode so that it would turn off automatically, or go to sleep directly after it went off so there was no time for thoughts to cross my head. It may sound ridiculous, but it worked for me.

 

Mornings have always been a different story. If I can manage to sleep through the night, when I wake up, it would take about 3 seconds for the pain to come flooding back to me. I could actually feel it come over me and it literally made my heart and chest heavy. The only thing you can do to get through it is to keep breathing, keep going from minute to minute until the pain isn't so overwhelming. Usually for me, that would be when I got to work and was around other people or sometimes in the car listening to a radio show on the way to work. Eventually it doesn't hurt so much anymore.

 

Try to hang in there.

((HUGS))

~Mari

[rachel blond]

Thats so funny that you mentioned a miniseries to keep you occupied till you fall asleep...I have always loved the show Felicity, I have all the episodes and have recently started watching them before bed. Plus I have a journal too that I'll write about how my day was...It gets my mind off of him for a good hour or so, and sometimes more.

Good stuff!!

[Wstd]

After six months of nc i rarely think of her in the morning. Don't know why because i still miss her much. But I am glad for that because when i did it was the worst feeling. i would wake up and my first thought was "She is not here, she is gone" and my chest was feeling heavy.

 

The night is a different story because i admit i still think of her. But i usually try to read an interesting book. The miniseries worked for me too but 1 episode was never enough. I went through lost, sopranos, desperate housewives in such a small amount of days I lost some sleep but being really tired when closing the tv did not allowed for much thinking.

 

But if the break is still fresh u just have to go through with this...

[shygirl1212]

8 months NC - still think of him every night and every morning - it's bad I know and painful too. Very painful.

[davejsy]

mornings were worse for me initially, I'd wake at 4am just thinking about her. Nights weren't great either, I think during the day at work is better because your occupied, although I always expect to see her name pop up in my inbox, as I'd done a thousand times before. Sundays used to suck bigtime, but on the whole everything is getting better now, even though I couldn't imagine it would at the time.

 

Hang in there, life will pull you round if you let it.