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I finally realized I made a mistake


HugeHeart
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You
All I Ever Wanted Was to Love You

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After about 18 months I have finally realized that I made a mistake. I divorced my wife to become single because I thought that 'the grass was greener on the other side'.

 

Now here I am, alone but much wiser. My relationship with my ex-wife was not without it's problems. However, fidelity and trust were never an issue. These 'rebound' women that I have dated all seem to possess the same traits: dishonest, not able to be trusted, etc.

 

Perhaps this is my penance.

 

Recently, I have begun to think of my ex wife a lot. I have even thought about calling her and asking if she would like to grab a cup of coffee or a bite to eat. I guess I am rambling here, but isn't that what this forum is for sometimes?

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You need to be grateful, cherish and value what you have! This is def a good lesson learned. I wouldn't blame her if she turned you down to reconcile. However, if she is still interested and you guys decide to start as friends then I suppose you can give it another try. New beginning, new relationship all over again. It will be like getting to know eathother all over again. Who knows she might have feelings for you even after 1yr 1/2. Good luck with what you do.

 

gee

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Are you calling her again because she is the right woman for you and you want to remarry her, or just because you are lonely?

 

If you are seriously thinking you'd like to get back together you could call her, but don't call her on a whim and jerk her emotions around if you are not serious.

 

Also, she may be angry or unwilling to consider it, so prepare yourself for that possible rejection. She also may already be dating someone else and not interested. If you can deal with that possibilty, then by all means ask her to go for coffee.

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I have been thinking about contacting her for a while now. I do not believe it is because of loneliness; rather, I really believe I made a mistake.

 

Unfortunately, I do think she might be dating someone else, although I do not know for certain. Regardless, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to call, as long as I can accept the possibility of her not wanting to talk to me or have anything to do with me.

 

The phrase 'hindsight is 20/20' rings very true at this moment in my life.

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You have nothing to lose by calling her, and also by telling her your feelings (that you made a mistake). Even if she has moved on, someone who has been dumped might really appreciate hearing that from you, and if she does break up with whomever she is with, she might consider calling you again at that time.

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With all due respect, it is my belief you would not have left her to pursue other women. You are lonely right now and confusing that with deep regret, IMO.

 

I would not contact her, but only you know what is best in this situation.

 

I am not much of a believer in this. Other factors can influence someone's decision making process such as mid-life crisis, hormonal imbalances, depression, severe emotional reactions to perceived life situations, feeeling "trapped", and many more. This can cloud over the connection that someone has with a SO in a highly emotional setting such as an intimate relationship.

 

Someone can even convince themselves with circular reasoning, "If I am thinking about leaving, then I could not possibly love them. thereforee, if I don't love them, I have to leave."

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I am not much of a believer in this. Other factors can influence someone's decision making process such as mid-life crisis, hormonal imbalances, depression, severe emotional reactions to perceived life situations, feeeling "trapped", and many more. This can cloud over the connection that someone has with a SO in a highly emotional setting such as an intimate relationship.

 

Someone can even convince themselves with circular reasoning, "If I am thinking about leaving, then I could not possibly love them. thereforee, if I don't love them, I have to leave."

 

That does make A LOT of sense.

 

HugeHeart - I think you should write her a letter and put that huge heart of yours on the line!

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I am not much of a believer in this. Other factors can influence someone's decision making process such as mid-life crisis, hormonal imbalances, depression, severe emotional reactions to perceived life situations, feeeling "trapped", and many more. This can cloud over the connection that someone has with a SO in a highly emotional setting such as an intimate relationship.

 

I agree that people make all kinds of decisions when they are "emotionally hot". But when someone 18 months later is regretting a divorce following a string of unsuccessful dates, it certainly seems that this situation is affecting the OP's thinking process. 18 months is time enough to forget the negative aspects of a relationship.

 

Sometimes distance can bring a new perspective. But 18 months later.... after unsuccessfull dating....No, I don't think so...

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I mentioned other women I have dated merely as a point of reference. Dating, as well as contemplating my decision (of course the two aren't mutually exclusive) has made me realize that my ex-wife was a good person.

 

There were indeed circumstances that led to our divorce... I believe that having children was a factor that led to us parting.

 

I am not disillusioned into believing that by my contacting her, all will be forgiven and we can rebuild the relationship we once had. But I have been thinking about this for almost 2 months now, and I feel like I should act on my thoughts and feelings.

 

I appreciate the advice you all have given thus far. Actually it is making my decision all the more difficult to make.

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I agree that people make all kinds of decisions when they are "emotionally hot". But when someone 18 months later is regretting a divorce following a string of unsuccessful dates, it certainly seems that this situation is affecting the OP's thinking process. 18 months is time enough to forget the negative aspects of a relationship.

 

Sometimes distance can bring a new perspective. But 18 months later.... after unsuccessfull dating....No, I don't think so...

 

I do not see what your response has to do with my post, which you have quoted.

 

I making reference to the quoted proposition that you cannot leave someone if you still love them-

 

I am missing the correlation that your post has with mine.

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Having been in a somewhat similar situation I'll offer my 2 cents...

 

If you have these feelings for her then you should tell her. You don't want to regret not reaching out to her and letting her know that you still love her. She may appreciate your letting her know that you are sorry - but that doesn't undo what happened.

 

Its what she does with this information is the tricky part. You will need to prepare yourself for the likelihood that even if she is not dating someone she has moved on and isn't willing to open herself up to you again. There would be a lot of work to build trust - it would be an entirely new relationship and would not be easy. But you probably knew that.

 

If you still love her and she rejects you it will hurt. You may even be heartbroken. I would say its worth the risk. As for those who say you may just be lonely I would take some time to think this out and make sure that this is not the case.

 

Good luck!

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I wound up contacting her. It was an amicable conversation, but it turns out she is dating and she also said that she is in love with this new person. I have no regrets for contacting her, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed that she is in another relationship.

 

The interesting thing is that for the past two days she has been texting me a couple of times per day. Most of the messages are "Remember this..." type texts.

 

Anyway... I guess there is nothing else I can do now.

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I wound up contacting her. It was an amicable conversation, but it turns out she is dating and she also said that she is in love with this new person. I have no regrets for contacting her, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed that she is in another relationship.

 

The interesting thing is that for the past two days she has been texting me a couple of times per day. Most of the messages are "Remember this..." type texts.

 

Anyway... I guess there is nothing else I can do now.

 

HugeHeart, sorry man. At least you know that you tried.

 

 

Interesting that she is contacting you via text but don't look into it too much. Are you ignoring her? I mean she is in another relationship.

 

gee

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