cemlaw Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 I had been fighting myself all night to not contact the ex after almost 3 weeks of NC. I have a whole thread about my situation a few posts back if you want to catch up on my situation. Soooo finally I just caved tonight and sent a text that just said "hi". He replied right away and we sent a series of texts back and forth of a bunch of nothing but funny and light-hearted things. It ended up with us meeting for coffee at midnight! I had no qualms about meeting him. I wasn't nervous (we hadn't seen each other in three weeks either- well, he'd seen me going to and leaving the gym, but that was it) and I was just looking forward to catching up. Yes, a part of me still wants us to work things out, but tonight was just about catching up. We ended up spending 3 hours drinking coffee and laughing and laughing and having a wonderful time. There was nothing uncomfortable about it. We did not mention anything about "us" or what happened or anything heavy at all. It really was just like old friends meeting up after time apart. He had lots of things to tell me- it almost felt like he had been saving them up. I know I had been. After all, we were best friends for 3 years... it is hard to go cold turkey. We parted with a friendly one arm hug and no mention of calling or seeing each other again. And I feel good. I don't feel good in a sense that I think anything will come of this, but good in that we had a nice time and we both obviously enjoyed ourselves. That "friendship bond" is still there and we still like each other and for now, that is enough. It has taken a huge black cloud off my shoulders. I wish I could explain it more than that, but I guess I was finally in a place where seeing him without any expectations was good enough and reassuring in a weird way. I know I could wake up tomorrow in a different mindset and feel all sad and morose again, but for now, I think this was a very good thing- for both of us. I actually think this will make it easier for me to go back to NC. I have such a weight lifted off me just knowing that tonight was possible. I'll still have bad days where I miss him terribly and I know the likelihood of us reconciling is slim, but... I don't know... this made me feel better. Soooo I don't want to give the wrong message here and say that if you break NC with your ex things will go as well as it did for me tonight... but I think it goes to show if you have your head and your heart in the right place, it doesn't have to spell doom either. I guess the key is knowing when the time is right and having an ex that is as open to it as mine was. BUT back to NC as of tomorrow and back to feeling lonely, but maybe with a little lighter heart than I have had the last few weeks! Link to comment
davejsy Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Hey cemlaw, how you doing after your meeting? Link to comment
cemlaw Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 Still really good actually. I felt great all day yesterday and still like a weight had been lifted. We haven't contacted each other again, and I am cool with that as well. His birthday is next Sunday though and I am already struggling with whether I will acknowledge it. I know it would be cold not to after our friendly meeting, but I also know he will be expecting it from me and the last thing in the world I want right now is for him to still think of me as predictable! We'll see... I realized something today... I didn't get butterflies when I was looking at him on Saturday night. There was a moment when he was playing with my phone and I looked down at his hands and I really wanted to touch his hands again... I know them so well... BUT for the most part I thought he looked tired and thin. He was thin to begin with and told me he lost 15 lbs after (as a result of) the breakup. He did tell me he was taking vitamins now and trying to eat better- things I tried to get him to do for 3 years. Come to think of it, he's been doing a LOT of things I had been trying to get him to do when we were together. I guess maybe he is trying to prove he can get on with it on his own. So... back to your question! I am still fine with things and relieved that after all the crap that happened between us, we could still sit and have a great time together. I know eventually I'll get antsy again and want to hear from him... but not today! Link to comment
davejsy Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 thats good to hear cemlaw. I think it helps when we see they aren't exactly getting on with things, however if we see they are doing great without us that's hard to take! I guess that's why it's best just not to know for most of us. Birthdays are always a difficult time, a simple card shoudn't do any harm though if you are on speaking terms. I sent my ex one, but she just used it as an excuse to start contactig me again, suffice to say she didn't get a Christmas card! Glad your doing well. Link to comment
cemlaw Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 Thanks dave. Today wasn't as upbeat as the prior 2, but I had a sucky day all the way around. I'm not going to blame it on him or the breakup. I'm still thinking about him more than I am comfortable with, but I guess one day that will get better too. I haven't heard from him and I haven't felt the need to contact him again either... though I do feel lonely right now- not enough to call him though! Actually... I haven't CALLED him since my car battery died 3 weeks ago. I'm still not sure about his birthday. I almost DON'T want to acknowledge it because he is expecting it. I still am not 100% sure about the OW... I know he didn't see her all weekend. As far as I know, they have still only seen each other 2x in the 2 months we've been apart and I don't want to know more. It would just get me upset all over again if I knew he was still seeing her. BUT, again, he didn't see her all weekend, so....? I'm sure she'll acknowledge his birthday in some way unless something big and bad happened between them that I am not aware of. Now I am babbling! The old insecurities rearing their ugly heads! anyway... today wasn't as good as yesterday or Sunday, but not as bad as I had been before we met up Saturday. I'll update when I figure out what I am going to do about the birthday question. Link to comment
davejsy Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 ah I didn't know there was an OW involved! That makes it tricky, I personally wouldn't have anything to do with him if he was seeing someone else, tooooooo painful. As for the birthday thing, as you appear to be on talking terms you could just send a card. I'd keep it brief though ie. Happy Birthday, Hope all is well. Then just leave it at that, at least that will help you stop fretting about it. Link to comment
cemlaw Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 As far as I can tell, he isn't seeing the OW anymore. The last time we talked about it (which will BE the last time we talk about her) he said he wasn't going to have anything else to do with her because she had been so toxic to his life (no SH*T!). After that I refuse to hear anything about it. I know he didn't spend either Friday or Saturday with anyone as he pretty much told me his every move Friday night and of course he was with me until 3am on Saturday. I don't know if they are still in contact, and again, I don't want to know. She's a worthless human being (and not just from the bitter, hurt ex-me!) and I knew as soon as I was out of the picture he'd figure that one out on his own. I *think* he has... but again, I don't want to know anything more about it. We still haven't contacted each other since Saturday night/Sunday morning. I'm still cool with it as I think at least we've seen each other, go along well, and I know there's no way he isn't thinking about me now! We both need time to digest the "meeting" and we both need much more time before even a friendship would be possible. I actually woke up angry with him today for some reason. When I think how callously he could screw up 3 years and in such a disgusting and deceitful way, it finally makes me angry instead of sad. I think this is a step in the right direction for me. I really don't want to be angry forever though, because that is just exhausting. Still don't know about the Birthday, but tonight I am leaning toward dropping a card off while I know he is at work on Friday (his Birthday is Sunday). I'll probably change my mind again tomorrow! Link to comment
davejsy Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Anger is good, it never hurts as much as been heart broken! It doesn't last though, and to much can be toxic, every emotion has it's place though. You sound like you are doing well cemlaw, and putting some time and space between you and him is the best way forward. If you want to hear from him send him a card, if you don't want to then don't! It depends what sort of message you want to convey to him. Link to comment
cemlaw Posted January 15, 2009 Author Share Posted January 15, 2009 hmmm I hadn't even thought about that. He'd email me at least if I dropped off a card. Wow... can't believe that didn't even occur to me! great point. He isn't a real "expressive" guy, so it would more than likely just be "thanks for the card", so I guess that wouldn't be a big deal to me at all. I doubt he'd call. We're not quite there yet. That is also why I would never call him. Not time yet. Still leaning toward leaving the card tomorrow... 24 hours to make up my mind! Link to comment
davejsy Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Go for it then, keep it brief though. Keep us posted! Link to comment
cemlaw Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 Not sure if ya'll are into astrology, but I read my horoscope every day and had to smile when I read this today after my little bout of anger- "There's nothing to fear now if your thoughts lean toward the shadowy side of love. The most profound changes can take place within the darkness of your own subconscious mind, making it unnecessary to resist the urge to dig deeper and deeper. Remember, if anger surfaces, acknowledge it and move on. It will fade as quickly as it arrived." heh, that is exactly what I did- I acknowledged it and moved on. No anger today at all. In the last 2 days we've exchanged a few emails about (formerly) shared finances and he sent me a picture of what he bought himself for his birthday. dave- I'm dropping the card off after work today having a good day today. It's still early in the day and already several people have commented on how skinny I am and how great I look. I know it is shallow, but that is EXACTLY the sort of thing I need to hear right now! how are you doing davejsy ? Link to comment
cemlaw Posted January 18, 2009 Author Share Posted January 18, 2009 Bad day today- of course, it's his birthday. I dropped a card off on Friday. It just said happy birthday... no hearts and flowers. It was a funny card actually, and I just signed my name. He hasn't even acknowledged it. I have to say, after the breakup and the fall out, I thought I was now shock-proof, but this one has really blown me away. He was sending me friendly emails up until Thursday, and then *poof*. It is raining like crazy today, which makes me feel worse, but in a sick way- glad that it is raining on his birthday. I saw his parents today when I went to the gym. They were outside of the wine shop. He wasn't with them. I am really and truly dumb-founded by this. We were friendly last Saturday night when we met out and friendly through our emails on Thursday... did my leaving a f'ing birthday card freak him out?? no way... no way. I know this guy. I thought I did, anyway. I went downtown after the gym and just walked around in the rain. I can't believe he'd do this. We haven't been mean to each other since the break up happened and this is like a slap in the face. I have to see him on Friday when he is giving me some money he owes me, but now I wish I didn't need it and could just skip it altogether. Link to comment
Micwu_25 Posted January 19, 2009 Share Posted January 19, 2009 When I contacted my ex when it was still fresh, I wanted something from her. When I sent her an eCard wishing her birthday I really wanted something from her. I suspect it turned out ok for you initially because you got good response back and now that he doesn't response, you didn't get what you expected, you are not ok this time. Just my speculation but I thin you were lying to yourself when you told yourself you were expecting nothing contacting him. As a guy, very very often he would only break up because he's got a new interest in the picture. If you can't handle it if he tells you he is dating someone else then you are not ready to contact him. Link to comment
cemlaw Posted January 19, 2009 Author Share Posted January 19, 2009 he was cheating when I broke up with him! She's out of the picture now, but it turns out that he didn't acknowledge the card because she took mine out of the mailbox and replaced it with her own on Friday! I made a whole thread about it called "I'm ENRAGED!" and seriously, the only thing I expected in return was an acknowledgment. After the recent contact it only seemed natural. I've got all my answers now though (if you read the other thread), so it's cool Link to comment
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